Charity starts at home

[Berrytea]

I live in a seaside town with less than 10k people living in it there are nice parts but there are also parts full of poverty, antisocial behaviour and crime. The council keeps cutting back services and adding charges, and the local services are run by unpaid volunteers and not a charity. The council can’t afford to repair the school and the town is noticeably going downhill.
a lady on the local Facebook page was collecting donations and crafts, and other things for Ukraine and I asked her, and I tried to word it kindly, that I know about the war and the problems over there but there are problems here and there are people just a few streets away from her that would love those things themselves and she responded “this world is so divided, have a good day”.
Am I unreasonable to think that collecting donations for Ukraine is wrong when our own town is going downhill?

Have you organised something for the local community? Or do you just think that she should organise her charity stuff around what you think is best?
Whatever charity/cause someone chooses, someone else will always think something else is more worthy.

There is no getting away from the fact that some people find global suffering a lot easier to donate to and empathise with than local suffering.

OK, here are a few reasons why we should consider giving beyond our town:

1. Greater need: extreme poverty, war and natural disaster exist in the world. With limited time and resources, it's defensible to help those who need it most.

2. Greater cost effectiveness: e.g. cataract surgery cost-to-deliver is about £900 per person in the UK or about £30 in sub-saharan Africa. The NHS rightly prioritises UK people. But it's reasonable for someone giving their own money to choose to save 30 people's sight rather than one person's.

3. Interconnectedness: problems overseas often become problems here. Should we spend money to help refugees resettle in their neighbouring countries? If we don't, we get more refugees here. Ditto poverty relief, climate change, etc. If Putin wins in Ukraine he's unlikely to stop there. That costs us much more in defence spending.

4. Moral arbitrariness of distance? We all feel bound to different communities, identities and people, who we prioritise in our choices. We understand this differs between people (I can respect my neighbour's dedication to his religion, though I don't share it, and understand why my friend prioritises his children over my own). You feel that same-town-ness should be the overriding concern. That's fine for it to be yours, but that doesn't make it wrong for others to differ.

5. Desert. A bit more controversially, when I think to my former classmates, many (not all!) of those who are now struggling are those who spent their school days disrupting others, passing up opportunities, and wasting the resources spent on them. Ukraine did not ask to be invaded and has done more than anyone thought possible to defend itself. It feels like a very worthy cause. Desert is morally relevant, though it's often treated as a taboo.

6. Reciprocity: if your town were flooded or burned to the ground, would you want or expect help from outside the area? And these crumbling public services you want funded, do you want them funded only from taxes raised in the town?

OP you describe your town as somewhere with nice areas and other areas which are more run down. Most towns and cities in the UK can be described like this. Do you think that only people who live in very affluent areas can fundraise for issues that effect people outside of their own town/city?

Well that's the risk of posting on AIBU asking for feedback. You've now been told almost unanimously that you're being very unreasonable. Perhaps it would be a better use of your energy to raise awareness or fundraise for one of your preferred causes rather than attacking other people's charity posts.

The overwhelming majority of the responses have been reasonable. You just don’t like having your (odd) assumptions challenged.

The vast majority of people I know who are active in fundraising etc for overseas war zones etc are also active in more local ways. I had a nice Palestinian cab driver last night who both fundraises for Gaza and volunteers at a local soup kitchen for homeless people. It’s not an either/or issue.

I don’t have a problem with being told that I’m unreasonable.
I have a problem with the tone that the majority of commenters have used, as well as pushing for information and details that I clearly don’t want to give. I have maybe had 2-3 responses that have said the same thing as everyone else but have said it in a reasonable way.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that the issues here matter more, but it’s more a matter of telling someone how to spend their money that’s the issue

Exactly that, you can believe what you want, but like it or not, it is rude to push your opinion on someone else, which is what you did to someone who was trying to do a good thing.

But you’re the one who told the woman on Fb that she was misdirecting her efforts, and should be fundraising for local charities…

I’m not ashamed of myself or anything. I am autistic and it comes with not always knowing what’s appropriate to say

What charity work are you involved in for your local Community OP?

I volunteer to help with food parcels and a book donation to children in my area Op, I also help to keep a memorial garden tidy. These are practical things that help my community.
I give a little money to a fund that was set up to help people in disaster and war, it’s not much but I’m sure every little helps .
Maybe you could look into things you could do in your local community that would benefit it and that you’d enjoy doing.

Take it as a bit of a learning experience, a total stranger is extremely unlikely to appreciate your criticism even when well intentioned.

Well, you have now been told what is not appropriate to say. Do you think you will learn something from this?

I’m not ashamed of myself or anything. I am autistic and it comes with not always knowing what’s appropriate to say

I think that's fine. You've started a discussion thread, and now quite a few people are keen to discuss with you. It would be helpful at this point to hear from you what you think about what people have said.

For example, do any of the reasons I listed earlier persude you?

Or if not persuasive to you personally, do you agree it's reasonable for others to be persuaded by them? (As your position is not just about how you give, but about how others should give).

The thing is OP this woman is using her time and effort in a way to help others that she sees as good. It's fine for you to disagree and feel she could be using her time and effort in a different/better way - but that is just your opinion. As she is the one putting in the time and effort it's up to her what she does with it and not your place to tell her she's doing it wrong.

For example if you started up a collection or a charity for your local area to help with the deprivation and someone came along and said 'Why are you raising money for the local area? People are living much harder lives being bombed everyday in other places in the world, why on earth are you raising money for the people round here when others are dying, what you're doing is selfish and wrong' - you might well be a little upset by that.

People may feel more strongly for one cause that the other and that's fine - but they shouldn't be telling the people on the other side they're wrong - both people can be right, both causes can be important. She is not wrong to want to help Ukraine and you are not wrong to want to help your local area.

Sometimes you have to be the change you want to see though OP - so maybe you could get more involved with your local community in some way?