Charity starts at home

[Berrytea]

I live in a seaside town with less than 10k people living in it there are nice parts but there are also parts full of poverty, antisocial behaviour and crime. The council keeps cutting back services and adding charges, and the local services are run by unpaid volunteers and not a charity. The council can’t afford to repair the school and the town is noticeably going downhill.
a lady on the local Facebook page was collecting donations and crafts, and other things for Ukraine and I asked her, and I tried to word it kindly, that I know about the war and the problems over there but there are problems here and there are people just a few streets away from her that would love those things themselves and she responded “this world is so divided, have a good day”.
Am I unreasonable to think that collecting donations for Ukraine is wrong when our own town is going downhill?

This is the thing. Red faced ranters going on about immigrants and foreign aid. Yet they're not handing out blankets or soup or campaigning for better services. They are voting for parties that consistently put people on the streets though.

There have been a lot of assumptions and accusations made about me here. I am too autistic to understand the way people work socially a lot of the time and this is one of those situations.
I had a feeling there was something wrong about what I’d said based on her reaction.
My opinion is still that the money and donations are better invested into the community that we live in, we can’t help everyone else in the world and their problems.

Then start a collection. Or do something. So far, all you’ve done is criticize someone doing something to help people.

I know someone who lost their much loved greyhound, and set up a fundraiser in his memory. They raised over $250k (Australian dollars). They got shit for not giving it to homeless etc.
You are free to set up your own charity events and fundraisers for things that mean a lot to you. Criticising people who are raising money for other causes is not got to help you one jot.

So, you are not wrong that sometimes people pay more attention to good causes that are in the news a lot. Sometimes because they are just more aware of them or sometimes because they seem more glamorous. Sometimes the person may have a connection to the cause you don't know about.

People can be very blind to great need close by.

Also - often the kind of collecting she is doing isn't really useful to the people she is trying to help. It can be more effective to try and address the needs in your own community where you can see what is needed and know the people.

However: generally, unless you are in a position to know about this person well, even if you think their work isn't the most useful, it's best to just leave her to it. She is acting, as far as you can see, from a desire to to good. you could instead be inspired to do some community work of your own.

If there was some more serious reason you felt you needed to point out a problem with the project, I'd do it privatly, not openly on a public page.

Are the people in your local community being shelled with bombs? Are they going through periods without electricity and water? Are families being ripped apart as sons/husbands/fathers are being forced to go to war (and possibly not coming back!)? Is your local community constantly living in fear, not knowing when the Russians will take over? Is your local community at risk of being annexed to a country run by a sadistic dictator? Need I go on? If none of things apply to your seaside resort, I'd say you are being wildly unreasonable.

I volunteer at a local food bank, for local people. I also help organise fundraisers for our local Mencap because my disabled daughter benefits from it and I want to give something back. On top of that I help fundraise for aid to the people of Ukraine. I can do all this because I'm retired but not useless.

Perhaps this lady already supports her local community in some way. I wouldn't rule that out. When all's said and done, as difficult times are in this country, we don't have to live with the terror of war. Charity may begin at home but it shouldn't end there.

Why? I don't know the people anyway and I live in an area with lots of rude, racist chavs. I'd rather donate to children in need in my country of origin where there is no benefit to support them at all.

You go fundraise for your town, she can fundraise for what she likes, if you don't want to give then scroll on, no need to share your views.

Your opinion is just that, yours. So don’t donate to her cause. I’m sure you can understand the difference between having an underfunded council, and being at actual war though. It’s fine not to donate to a cause you don’t believe it, it’s not fine to put others down and tell them what to do, particularly when you don’t even no them.

Yes OP, you did say something wrong. She wasn’t an asking the question “What she should be collecting donations for” she was asking for donations to a cause she had already picked.

If she was asking for ideas for a cause your comment would have been appropriate.

Do you see the difference?

Also you are being unreasonable to think any FB interaction will be in any way productive.

ETA; that’s great that you have an opinion. There is a saying where I’m from “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one” meaning just because you have an opinion about something yours isn’t special or correct. So keep it covered. It’s crude but accurate.

How convenient. Perhaps next time it would be better to keep your opinions to yourself. And of course, put your money where your mouth is and do a collection of your own

Organise something yourself- lazy!!

I don’t understand why you felt the need to comment in the first place. If you don’t want to donate, don’t. Not up to you to dictate what other people fundraise for.

I’m surprised that you don’t care that the local services are underfunded or non existent. I suppose it’s lucky that you don’t need them. Money in the community should be invested in the community. And no comment here has managed to change my mind.

So start your own donation campaign! I’m sure there are a lot of like minded people who agree with you. Problem solved!

Then start your own fundraiser 🤷‍♀️

You think money should be spent in your own community. Fine, then spend your money in your community. Other people are entitled to different views.

This wasn’t Community money, it was someone’s disposable time and money.
not yours to spend or comment on.

Since you already thought you were right and don't seem to be open to other viewpoints, why did you post?

I understand what you mean but the issue here is underfunding by the government rather than this lady who is trying to do some good. You clearly feel strongly about the matter which is fair enough and you could consider matching this with action by setting up something yourself locally. Best wishes.

I’m surprised that you don’t care that the local services are underfunded or non existent. I suppose it’s lucky that you don’t need them

This is what is known as a “straw-man argument”.

Nobody said they don’t care that local services are underfunded and nobody said that they don’t need them. You made that up i.e. constructed a “straw-man”.

It is a manipulative political/journalistic technique but you’re using it on the wrong audience here: Mumsnet users are too clever for that nonsense.

@Berrytea Do you pay extra taxes? I’m not 100% sure how it works in your area, but where I live, every citizen has the right to pay extra taxes. Like there’s a form for it and everything. I’d be shocked if you didn’t have the same option.

Yes it was a badly constructed sarcastic comment to counteract the comments I have had full of assumptions and accusations. On this thread I have been accused of doing nothing, of being a racist, etc. taste of their own medicine

Your town might be in a bit of a decline, but to literally billions in this World, you are living a dream life, OP.

There is no need to challenge others who seek to help people in need, no matter where those people are from.

You sound like one of those people who disagree with sending money abroad or animals or homeless people, and/or that some charities are more deserving than others.
Which is it, I wonder?
I can immediately tell by your response, your defensiveness and your jab about where the rest of us may live that you are not going to back down or learn anything I can almost predict who you will vote for in the next election.

Anyway , good luck with that I guess.