Charity starts at home

[Berrytea]

I live in a seaside town with less than 10k people living in it there are nice parts but there are also parts full of poverty, antisocial behaviour and crime. The council keeps cutting back services and adding charges, and the local services are run by unpaid volunteers and not a charity. The council can’t afford to repair the school and the town is noticeably going downhill.
a lady on the local Facebook page was collecting donations and crafts, and other things for Ukraine and I asked her, and I tried to word it kindly, that I know about the war and the problems over there but there are problems here and there are people just a few streets away from her that would love those things themselves and she responded “this world is so divided, have a good day”.
Am I unreasonable to think that collecting donations for Ukraine is wrong when our own town is going downhill?

So what are you doing to contribute to your community?

So you’re allowed to make assumptions about me but I’m not allowed to make assumptions about you

I’ve had maybe about two reasonable responses here

You started this thread, was told you were being unreasonable, doubled down and then made your assumptions. Is that about right?

I just call it when I see it. And FYI, I live in a very deprived area and no one and I mean no one owns horses or second homes.

A higher rate than the reasonableness of your posts.

You say that we are making assumptions about what you do for your community. Do why don’t you clear up these assumptions and tell us all the things that you do?

So you’ve struck out on FB and now here… I’m sensing a pattern.

Seriously though. I did give you the benefit of the doubt early on, but your responses haven’t been stellar. Either you are trying to understand where you went wrong with the FB comment or you want to pontificate about why you are right about local charities. Pick one of those two things because you’ll never get anywhere trying both.

Good question.
Do it yourself, op, instead of trying to divert the attentions of someone else who’s willing to make an effort.

You have had multiple reasonable responses on here. If your post is actually true, I feel embarrassed for you that you could be so totally thoughtless.

If you think local services are underfunded then start your own collection.
Other people can also start collections for whatever cause they want to.

Perhaps try X if you want an echo chamber.

If you feel this strongly then do something about it. Set up a community fundraiser to help those local to you that need it. Otherwise you do come across as one of those people who complain about charity should be beginning at home but don't contribute.

Yes, this.
Why can't people do both?
What's to stop you doing something charitable for your neighbourhood, to make a difference?
You might find other like minded people who want to as well.

But what have you done for your community?

Why aren’t you out collecting?

It’s no good criticising this woman if you can’t be arsed to get mobilised and do any good yourself.

If you ask IABU and then discard most of the opinions offered, YABU.

I struggle to understand when people criticize others for doing what they can to try to help people. It's not for you to say that she's helping the wrong people. But I'm sure you'd be welcome to start your own collection for whatever charitable endeavor is important to you.

I live in an extremely deprived area (SIMD top 10%) with a reduced life expectancy of 13 yrs, I do loads of volunteering in my community ( not boasting just saying for context) and I think you are being unreasonable, if other people choose to fundraise for Ukraine good for them, at least they are getting off their arse and trying to help someone. If you want to criticise folk in your community, criticise the ones who are doing nothing either “ at home” or elsewhere.
it’s like supporting any charity, I have ones I choose to support, others choose to support different charities, I might think everyone should support children’s charities as that is more important that say animal charities, but I wouldn’t dream of telling someone fundraising for an animal charity that they should be raising money to benefit children instead. That would just be massively wrong.

You think money should be spent in your own community. Fine, then spend your money in your community. Other people are entitled to different views

Quite. I spend money in local social enterprise. I go to their cafes and buy their produce. I volunteer in Emmaus and the red cross. I also help fundraise for people who are having bombs dropped upon them in far flung countries.

It's not like you can't do both local and global if you have the time and the inclination.

I don’t think you’re wrong thinking it but saying it was wrong as it’s her choice

OP, unfortunately what you said is often said by racists and xenophobes. So she might be making assumptions about you.

Somebody who is doing nothing for charity, criticising somebody else who is collecting for charity does not have a leg to stand on. What a petty and unnecessary comment from you. She dealt with you pretty well I think.

I think you should apologise.

If we applied that logic a lot of places would be a lot poorer as money made in wealtheir places like London would remain in London, so you’re actually asking for your area to receive less money from the government as you wouldn’t to take money made elsewhere, so only money directly made in your community would be used to fund services.

For what it's worth OP I'm cynical of this trend of well intentioned people shipping things (often poor quality tat) long distance. It often creates more work for the experienced aiders on site, not to mention the extra cost and energy getting it there. For most amateurs that want to help they are more likely to do a better job of helping people nearer to them.

That being said, it's no good telling a stranger something that they won't be open to hearing from you. Whether you're right or wrong it's a pointless thing to do.

How do you support your local community?
I understand what you’re saying but we need people to care about Ukraine just as we need people to care about local children.

You’re wrong, charity begins where there is need. Personally, I would choose causes other than Ukraine if I felt inclined to do some charity work, but I wouldn’t automatically choose something local. Even when services are shit in parts of the UK, we still have a lot more than the majority of people in the world. So it is understandable that when people want to give, they want to give to the cause that they feel is most in need and that they personally care about.

You can have your opinion, but it is rude to share it as if it’s the only correct opinion, especially when someone is trying to do a good thing.

Not really, people have asked the question "what are you doing to support your local community which you are concerned about", and you have declined to answer that.
For me, I was concerned about the mental health and isolation of local mums/Dads and young children post covid - our location is quite rural and isolating for those who don't drive. So I contacted our church to ask to use their hall and set up a simple free playgroup/meet up group once a week. Actions to improve your community don't need to be big or expensive, they just need to tap into a local need.
Our village was concerned about young people getting into low level trouble due to not much to do, so a youth group was set up. Council services have been cut so local litter picks now happen, with the pub giving a free drink to anyone who returns with a bag of rubbish. The church set up a small food bank for those in need. The best changes are those which are locally driven rather than pushed by governments.

People can help whomever they want.
We all tend to have favourite causes and these can change over time. You can support local, global or none.

Your school is no different from many others in the UK. Maybe you could approach the school and suggest getting a working party to tidy it up, deep clean, paint it. Help collect look after books or fund raise for new books.

Become involved in the community. Encourage other in your community to do litter picking, arrange book swaps, plant or seed swaps, toy swaps.

Help at the food bank. Some food banks already have expanded to provide clothing and toy areas. Or help set it up.

Just because an area is deprived it doesn't have to be anti social.

No matter where you live there will be people doing good in their community. It doesn't mean that they can't help others in war torn countries or in famine hit countries.

How many times are you going to ignore the question, "so what are you fundraising for your local community"