Husband stopping drinking out the blue - selfish to be annoyed?

[PollyPocketer]

DH isn’t a big drinker these days, maybe one or two pints each weekend and every couple of months a bigger session.

He has told me today he intends to stop drinking indefinitely, as he needs to ‘knuckle down’ with work (unhappy and so far unsuccessfully job hunting) and is fed up after his bigger sessions (which in reality are about 5/6 pints with mates) of feeling crap for days after.

I know this probably sounds bad for me to say, but we are both early 30’s and I really enjoy having a drink with him on the weekend. We also go on holiday quite regularly and have cocktails etc, going to different bars is part of the fun). I’ll feel a bit silly drinking by myself.

Can anyone see where I am coming from? I’m not sure how stopping having one or two drinks every weekend will help him in his job hunt!

You're being unreasonable, he can stop drinking for whatever reasons.

If you'll feel silly drinking by yourself then don't drink either? I'm sure as a couple you can enjoy each other's company without alcohol, or come up with different activities instead of bar hopping.

Maybe he has realised that he feels better without alcohol, which is absolutely fine. You're both in your 30s, maybe he feels he has been there, done that and got the t shirt. If you both enjoy cocktails, could he get a none alcoholic one, or none alcoholic beer, or a coke, so he feels part of things. I'm assuming you wouldn't be mortally drunk, with him sober anyway? I don't understand the issue really.

He might feel it is easier just to stop, because it is easy for one to lead to another, to lead to another for some people. He sounds like a sensible guy to me. Did you miss out a bit on the drinking scene when you were younger op? I'm just trying to understand your perspective a bit better.

No I can’t see your point tbh. He doesn’t want to drink alcohol, I seriously can’t see what the issue is. It’s not like he’s refusing to go out or to bars, he just doesn’t want to drink alcohol.

DH and I periodically stop drinking and while I kind of know what you mean I also think you’ll find in reality that it doesn’t make much difference to your lives. You most likely won’t feel weird drinking alone as really and truly why would you? And for us it opened us up to go further places if we weren’t thinking about taxis back all the time. We’re a pretty good influence on each other with it too.
How much do you drink OP? Is it possible that it makes you feel uncomfortable because you would struggle in some way to stop drinking? I’m not saying you’ve got an issue but often our views about other people not drinking saying more about our own relationship with alcohol

I voted YABU because it's up to him if he wants to give up something like alcohol.

As we get older alcohol affects us more, even though you are still young. If he feels crap for days after it's a good idea to give up up for a while. He hasn't said it's forever and he's joining the Temperance League

That makes sense, I don’t binge drink but I drink more frequently if that makes sense - maybe a glass of wine midweek then at least a glass over two days Fri/sat/sun

Wow - very unreasonable! You can't sulk because someone doesn't want to drink alcohol.

Is he happy for you to keep drinking though, if you want to?

My husband stopped drinking a few years ago and has become fucking evangelical about it, to the point where I don’t even go out with friends as I would just get tuts and told how evil alcohol is if I had a drink.

But if he’s happy for you to do what you want, you have to be happy for his decision.

Yeah he has no issue :)

I don't drink, I have a heart condition. I still enjoy a drink out with DH. I love tryingg all the different mocktails and Henderdons non alcohol gin is lovely.

You're being very unreasonable. Me and my partner were both social drinkers when we met. I'm 38 now and totally stopped because I hate how it affects my mood the day after. He still drinks regularly and never pressures me about it, if anything he quite enjoys having a designated driver without worrying about what he's having. Ultimately if 1 person in a couple is making a change that makes them feel better/healthier/happier you should want to be supportive of that.

You’re being ridiculous.

I don’t drink very much at all. Went on holiday and quite often had virgin cocktails when DH had alcoholic ones. Don’t see what your problem is frankly.

I do know what you mean, and as long as you are outwardly supportive then it’s ok to be a little sad.
In reality I would not be surprised if you find that he takes a few months off alcohol but then is happy to have the odd drink when he feels his life is more sorted. Especially on holidays!

DH is trying to improve his health and his ability to think straight. It is very selfish to sabotage that because you like having a drinking buddy! He can drink non alcoholic beer with you, or tonic with bitters. Or you can cut down too.

I think you’re asking in the wrong place, to be honest. Mumsnet is puritanical about alcohol.

I understand what you mean. It’s a decision which does have an impact on you. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a drink together sometimes and I don’t really understand the issue with it on here (as long as it doesn’t get out of hand).

I’ll feel a bit silly drinking by myself.

Would you feel silly ordering a flat white if he gave up drinking coffee?

I would be really upset by this too.

I'd feel the same as you, OP. He can obviously decide to stop and there's nothing wrong with that, but you're entitled to your own feelings. I barely drink, only on holiday, events, and the odd pint over summer. But I'd also miss doing things like cocktail bars on holiday. Not many will agree on here, but it's just more fun to be a tad tipsy in those places 🤷

Surely he can just have a mocktail on holiday? There’s nothing positive health wise about drinking and he should be commended for stopping. Maybe you should give it a go too. But, if you enjoy it then go ahead and he can just have something no alcohol.

Massively unreasonable.

I don't drink and my DH is a big drinker. We have a fab time together because he isn't insecure about his intake and I'm not boring without alcohol.

I do think if a couple needs alcohol to have fun together, there's bigger issues at play.

He sounds really responsible which is great and a good sign for the future.

Why will you feel silly drinking if he isn't? He can have a coke or coffee or non alcoholic drink. You can have whatever you like.
He wants to stop drinking. You don't. So he does, you don't and the world keeps revolving.

You're being unreasonable, since you haven't said he's trying to influence what you do.

Five or six pints in one night is a heck of a lot! I'm not surprised that he didn't feel too good the next day!

I've pretty much stopped drinking and we were big drinkers early in our relationship. It was a big part of our lives.
He is a bit annoyed as he would like someone to have a glass with after work, but I just don't enjoy it anymore. We make it work but we do need to get a shared hobby to replace it, we keep talking about trying something together like tennis but haven't got round to it with the kids taking up time. But if you can find the time together to get a new shared interest I think that could be a good replacement.

Not over the course of several hours, it isn’t. I mean I couldn’t drink it but I know several men who could. It’s not like they’re necking them down in an hour.