Husband stopping drinking out the blue - selfish to be annoyed?

[PollyPocketer]

DH isn’t a big drinker these days, maybe one or two pints each weekend and every couple of months a bigger session.

He has told me today he intends to stop drinking indefinitely, as he needs to ‘knuckle down’ with work (unhappy and so far unsuccessfully job hunting) and is fed up after his bigger sessions (which in reality are about 5/6 pints with mates) of feeling crap for days after.

I know this probably sounds bad for me to say, but we are both early 30’s and I really enjoy having a drink with him on the weekend. We also go on holiday quite regularly and have cocktails etc, going to different bars is part of the fun). I’ll feel a bit silly drinking by myself.

Can anyone see where I am coming from? I’m not sure how stopping having one or two drinks every weekend will help him in his job hunt!

I've heard it all know. Fact: People can have fun without alcohol 😁

My DP doesn’t really drink, would happily give it up

It’s hard when you’re trying to enjoy yourself and you know you can’t just suggest going to a bar
I’ve just gotten used to it, I’ll have a glass of wine or 2 when we go out for dinner he won’t, I know I’ve always got a way home.
He doesn’t really drink on holiday either now I think about it. When it’s just the 2 of us it doesn’t bother me, but if we’re away as a group I do resent him a little bit takes the fun out it.

I don’t have any advice but I get where you’re coming from OP
I will say I much prefer my current partner to my ex who had a drinking problem…

We’ve always been reasonable drinkers but can’t keep going with the same volumes as we age. I’d be puzzled if DH stopped completely but at least I could stop feeling guilty about the fact that he has to drive when necessary as I don’t!

He used to drink more in his 20’s but says since entering his 30’s he really suffers until about Tuesday if a heavier session on the Saturday.

He is often in a mood on a Monday post heavier session and I’ve always said it can’t be due to what he drank on the Saturday but the more I’ve researched it I’ve realised it could be the reason. He does tend to get short with me and I think is one of reasons he is stopping.

My husband stopped drinking completely about 7 years ago.
His choice I know but I liked it when we had the occasional drink together and got very merry.
Drinking on my own is a bit dull.

Well he’s doing absolutely the right thing then. I gave up alcohol a few years ago as I didnt like the effects I felt it was having on me. DH still drinks. It’s fine, but yes there are times when you miss out on the bond of having a few drinks together. I won’t go back though, it was the right decision for me and DH is supportive.

My husband doesn’t drink, hasn’t for the whole time I have known him. I say it doesn’t count as drinking alone if your OH never drinks! Just have whatever you want. The only potential issue is him trying to get you to give it up too, which wouldn’t be fair unless you had an actual problem with alcohol.

You're being selfish. You should be supporting him.

I am a drinker, married to a very light/non drinker and I think YABVU! I respect his choice - anything else is batshittery.

It seems to me that you are alcohol dependent because most of your socialising revolves around alcohol.

I gave up drinking temporarily because it was aggravating a skin condition, and my partner ended up giving it up for a month as well, in support. He soon realised he had never felt better in his life as it completely did away with his once or twice a month migraines, even though we were only very occasional drinkers to begin with. So, the habit stuck with us.

We still have a 'bottle of wine' or 'gin and tonic' whenever we want, but it just happens not to have any alcohol in it. Check out the low and zero alcohol aisle next time you're shopping, for experimentation purposes. There's no reason why your glass shouldn't have some alcohol in it though! It's funny you mention cocktail bars; I love them so much more now that I don't drink, especially on a night out with the girls. A bog standard bar will only offer me a syrupy coke but a cocktail bar has loads of mocktail options and even if it doesn't I just ask for the Pina colada or whatever without the booze. You're not going to miss out on anything but a grumpy husband if alcohol doesn't agree with him.

He has realised it makes him feel like shit, and you're annoyed because he isn't continuing to make himself feel like shit so you don't feel silly.

Imagine if you wanted to go on a diet for health reasons and dp was annoyed because he feels silly eating chocolate by himself.

I get it totally. Sharing a drink or bottle of wine with a meal out is a bonding thing, and when you're both drinking and relaxing together it's lovely, it isn't the same if one of you isn't drinking. However, it is his prerogative to drink what he likes so there's not a lot you can do except get used to it unfortunately.

He's making a positive change for his mood and health. His body is not processing the alcohol like it once did and he doesn't enjoy the hangovers.

5 or 6 drinks in a night is a lot of alcohol.

You're being very unreasonable. Why does his not drinking alcohol make you so uncomfortable?

I haven't had alcohol since my first pregnancy and my husband was not at all bothered. We still met up with friends in our local bar and went to events where alcohol was served. Social events here don't just revolve around drinking though.

5 to 6 pints in one go is quite a lot. You say you enjoy having a drink with him on a weekend but then say you only have one glass of wine over a weekend....did you mean bottle? Even if you drink a couple of glasses over a weekend I fail to see how your dh stopping is going to a) stop you from still having a glass and b) mean you won't enjoy each others company.

Here we go!

Nothing OP said makes her sound alcohol dependent.

YANBU for your feelings, OP. You can feel what you want, but you would be unreasonable if you were making him feel bad for it.

I understand why you might miss the thought of having a drink with him on holiday etc. I miss it when DH is dieting and we don't have takeaways or desserts together etc. It doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong, but it's ok to miss things.

My husband drinks and I can't be bothered with it.

Don’t be ridiculous.

My husband doesn’t drink. That doesn’t stop me from having the occasional drink. Maybe I would feel odd about it if I drank excessively. Really it just means I have an automatic designated driver if I want to have a glass of wine when we go out to dinner.

Yes, it's selfish to be annoyed that someone's choosing to change their diet when they aren't somehow forcing you to follow the same diet. Be glad he's not a recovering alcoholic who might need you to keep all temptation out of the home.

While you have your drink, he can have something non-alcoholic and keep you company. Why feel silly simply because you're drinking different things? If you're drinking a lot and getting quite tipsy that might be different, but still unfair to be annoyed that he's trying to not feel ill.

Whatever his reasons for stopping, he shouldn't drink if he doesn't want to.

YABU - you can still enjoy everything and going for drinks, he can have a mocktail or something else! My DH has never really drank and it’s fine.

I've stopped drinking at home mostly as I've lost over 2 stones since last year.

Dh still has a couple of beers every week

However, if we're away or going out with friends I will drink

I agree with pp who mentioned sharing a bottle of nice wine being a lovely ritual & i agree. I adore getting dressed up & going out with my dh!

I love having an aperitif with him in a beautiful wine bar before a meal in a restaurant. I love late night post event wine & cheese & chats.

Mn is very weird about alcohol. But far less so about utter shite food - chocolate, crisps, takeaways, cake! I don't eat any of them. We eat really well & good wine is absolutely a part of that

YABU

Good for him taking ownership of the realisation of how it affects him. I don't drink but can still have a fun time out in bars and at parties and on holiday with soft drinks or mocktails. With so many 0 alcohol beers etc I am sure he will find a replacement drink and will step up [like I do] as designated driver.

I totally get that it changes what you have been used to doing together. It is always hard when one half of a couple makes a unilateral decision which changes how you spend your time together.

I say that as someone who is teetotal! You obviously accept his position, so I would just see if you can create new things you do together and bond over and make it as fun as possible.