AIBU to be thinking about a 3rd baby at 40?

[myotheraccountsa]

Feeling really conflicted and want some outside opinions.

Original plan was always to try for a 3rd at 35 but career totally got in the way and then became 100% convinced 2 was right for us although DH always wanted one more.

Now however have hit 40 and have this unshakeable feeling that I'm going to hugely regret not having one more. Reasons being:

• I am terrified of my 2 growing up and leaving, just don't feel ready for an empty nest and no child to base my life around
• We have 2 of 1 gender and will always feel we never had that last shot at one of the other
• My 2 keep saying they'd like a little sibling
• My hormones that for years were firmly heck no to babies are suddenly telling me I want one.

But reasons against it...

• I'm 40!! When baby is 10, I would be 50
• There would be a huge gap (over 10 years) between my kids). The eldest realistically wouldn't even live here for most of babies life
• I'd have to take a career break and at my age may well not get back to where I am now
• Whilst we do have enough bedrooms, one is our study so we'd probably need a bigger house.
• It would use finances that could be going on our other childrens' university education, helping them set up their lives etc
• I'm a bit scared of health issues etc for both me and baby at this age, although I'm very fit and well

What do others think, is it just the pre menopause hormones talking or will I genuinely look back and regret it forever if we don't try?

Of course do what is right for you but make absolutely sure your husband is on board because you will really need him (one of you takes the others to after school stuff, the other looks after the baby etc). BUT - and this is a true story - a friend had three lovely boys but decided they could afford a 4th - really wanted a girl but would be happy with another boy - then - you couldn't make this up - they got THREE more boys. Triplets. Be careful what you wish for!!

Surely the only reason you need is that you want another one?

You're wanting the other gender.
I wouldn't.
Bet you would have the same gender again.

Omg. Regardless of gender, twins or triplets at this stage would be terrifying.

A friend of a friend had a similar experience- tried for number three (at age 35) and got numbers 3, 4, and 5 😱

Chance of multiple birth also increases with age, of course.

Know this is an old thread but @myotheraccountsa did you go for it? I’ve just had my second at a few weeks off 40 (eldest just turned 7) and at 3 months in I can honestly say it’s the best thing that ever happened to all of us 🥰

Old post

I did that. I had my first at 22 and my second at 33.

Then decided on another at 40.

Look, I love her and I don’t wish she wasn’t here, obviously, but I am 45 now and fucking over it to be honest.

I don’t know if I am just burned out and resentful as I’ve been a SAHM all these years since I was 22 and there’s been fuck all in it for me, but if I could turn back the clock, I wouldn’t have had a 3rd and especially not at 40. Dd also happens to be a really difficult child, she was a difficult baby as well, my older two were easy.

I can’t say that out loud though as people take it as “I hate my child”, which isn’t the case, but I do hate my life.

I didn’t look at the date, have already said my piece!!

No, we didn't...but my feelings haven't changed. I do think it would have a negative impact potentially on my older two though and that will stop me.

The gap is a non issue, we have a large gap with our two. I’m leaning more to mid 40’s. I’m not even wanting a dog, too much work. I love babies, my favourite stage with both.
But the toddler stage, especially with my 2nd has put me off for life and in general he was a hard child, much better now. And now that our youngest is coming up for double figures. I’m loving having more freedom and will absolutely not give it up.

But everyone is different and do what feels right for you.

If you have two girls definitely do it, my friend has her third child, a boy, age 37 after two girls in her 20s. Her girls are like amazing live in Nannie’s they love playing with their little brother. I’m 39 and I will have another in my 40s if I meet the right man.

Yup- in your case I’d go for it. You have to be ok with having another of the same gender, and going all out to toddler groups to make younger mum friends.. if you’re ok with that I’d say yes.