To be mad at my friend for planning her boys party on my b-day???

[emmabemmasmom]

Well today is my b-day (wheyhey)

My DH just confessed to me that he spoke to my friend a few MONTHS ago and said he would like to take me away overnight on my b-day and asked for suggestions.

It just so happens that her little boy shares my b-day and he is 4 today...

So she went ahead and booked his party for today and when she told us my DH was like well ok it will probably be over about 2 or so, and that way we can still drive somewhere or atleast do dinner....but no!!! She made it for 4:30-7:30!!! Also, she knows my DD goes to bed at 7(not that she should plan it all around us)...so we would have to rush home and well...wouldn't be fun dealing with screaming DD.

I can't tell her I am not coming cause she is my friend and I wouldn't do that to her little boy.

So my DH canceled our plans and now I am just kinda peeved and he is upset cause he has nothing to give me so he feels bad.

I hope it doesn't sound as if I am being selfish and yes a 4 year old b-day is more important than mine (as it is really just another day) but still...I think maybe she could have been considerate...especially since my DH told her months ago.

Am I being a selfish cow?? OR can I be slightly mad at her??

I opened this expecting to say YABU but...
YANBU but is there a chance she forgot? Can you go at 4.30 and leave at 6, still giving you time to go away?

Oh, and happy birthday!

I can see why you are upset, but YABU.

I think your comment "not that she should plan it all around us" is quite telling.

Maybe your friend forgot your plans, and got carried away with the excitement of planning a party for her 4 year old?

Incidentally, the children will be exhausted by 7.30pm, so she may regret the timings!

You're an adult - have a postponed birthday celebration later on.

And Happy Birthday!

Message withdrawn

Maybe that was the only time she could do the party, and she just assumed that you might not come? Can't you just get together another time and give her DS his present then?

Happy birthday!

Thanks :-) Not really no cause DH was like well we wouldn't get there till like 8 or so and then leave tomorrow morning...he really wanted to make a day of it and get our monies worth out of the room lol (men) Also...our 2 babysitters are her sisters...and they will be at the party too (obviously) so were kinda just stuck.

I really don't mind having my b-day another day...as that was the plan anyway cause I knew about today's party.

I am just peeved cause what I DIDN'T know was that my DH talked to her and had to cancel his plans (told me today when I was expecting something and he had to tell me he had nothing)

So yeah...thank you for thinking I am not crazy :-)

Have a lovely family time today at a party you aren't having to host (your dc doesn't have to stay until the bitter end) and go out for a fab lunch tomorrow.

I have to say that I would be a bit miffed, but I would also know that I was being unreasonable

Having just finished the party season with my dses (birthday parties within a week of each other) I know that I had very little choice in the dates/times with the venue of preference. It was a right pain in the neck, a fair bit of stress, and I spent most of the time during ds2's party apologising to other parents that it was held on a weekday (the only day/time I could get unless I booked three years before he was conceived from what I can tell). I think I would have decked anyone who complained about clashes

That said, if it's being held at her home then she is really going to regret those timings! You'll be able to take home your dd a bit early if she's getting whiny and not enjoying herself - your friend will be stuck with it. I suspect you may get some karmic repayment

So you didn't know your DH had cancelled the plans to take you away, until today?

And he didn't buy you an alternative gift, or have any other plans?

I think you are directing your annoyance at entirely the wrong person.

Thanks everyone :-)

I guess that is what I am trying to say...yes I am an adult and I do not give a toss that I will have to wait to do something with my DH another day...

What I am upset about is that my DH talked to her the day she booked the party and said he had booked our room and was all excited for her to then book the party when she knew...

I don't care about myself but I don't like seeing my DH all upset cause he had to cancel the bookings and have nothing to give me. I don't want him feeling like crap.

And I am not the type of person to tell her oh well we have bookings to we are not coming. I am happy he canceled cause her little boy and my DD are close and I don't want to miss his day.

Can anyone see where I am coming from and not be like 'fgs be an adult?' like I am a child? (which thank you by the way for pointing that out icod)

I'm sorry but it wouldn't occur to me in a million years to give up a birthday weekend with my dp to go to a 4yr olds party. Crazy

Actually good point of HC's. Even a token gift or wrapped up tickets for a weekend away at a later date, or an IOU certificate.

Like really, who are you trying to please here? Your friend? Well she is not too concerned obviously, the 4 yr old? Like he is going to care FFS get into the car and go and enjoy your birthday.

i think she is completely entitled to arrange her 4 years olds birthday for whenever he wants - especially on the day of his actual birthday!

had she ever given your dh the impression she would reschedule around your plans? either way, i think YABU - your the adult, he's the kid.

Well tbh, she can't help the fact she had her ds on your Birthday lol.

Yes I do think you're being unreasonable, sorry. Her little boy is turning 4, she's excited and wants to throw him a lovely, big party. Your dh told her you would be away, just because you're not there doesn't mean she was going to cancel. So she's gone ahead and planned it and now you're upset?

I'm confused.

Happy Birthday btw

Yes, I have to say I would just tell her you can't make it as you're going away - which you have already mentiuoned to her

YABU - very

Blimey! oh to have such trivial things to get upset about.

YABU and rather silly about the whole thing.

Have a happy birthday

My DH did make a cute little book of where we were going and what we were doing. He just really wanted to pop me in the car with a 'whats going on' attitude and suprise me. But since he already booked it he couldnt cancel cause of deposit so he changed dates, which whatever as far as I am concerned...he is just upset cause it was not the way he wanted it to be and it is not a tangable gift as the moment.

And I know I wouldn't expect her to go all around us no...I probably wouldn't do it for anyone else to be honest, BUT if I was in on someones big b-day suprise...I would not ruin it, I would figure something else out. I guess that is just me.

Ruby that is a lot nicer than some peoples suggestions!

4.30-7.30?

Is it black tie?

You were right in your OP - you're being a Selfish cow. I can't see why it would make a difference if you just got on with your plans and couln't make it to the party. You are supposed to be an adult and I doubt very much if her DS would strop if you weren't there and he's 4.

Maybe she planned the party before your Dh booked something?