Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be mad at my friend for planning her boys party on my b-day???

89 replies

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 12:00

Well today is my b-day (wheyhey)

My DH just confessed to me that he spoke to my friend a few MONTHS ago and said he would like to take me away overnight on my b-day and asked for suggestions.

It just so happens that her little boy shares my b-day and he is 4 today...

So she went ahead and booked his party for today and when she told us my DH was like well ok it will probably be over about 2 or so, and that way we can still drive somewhere or atleast do dinner....but no!!! She made it for 4:30-7:30!!! Also, she knows my DD goes to bed at 7(not that she should plan it all around us)...so we would have to rush home and well...wouldn't be fun dealing with screaming DD.

I can't tell her I am not coming cause she is my friend and I wouldn't do that to her little boy.

So my DH canceled our plans and now I am just kinda peeved and he is upset cause he has nothing to give me so he feels bad.

I hope it doesn't sound as if I am being selfish and yes a 4 year old b-day is more important than mine (as it is really just another day) but still...I think maybe she could have been considerate...especially since my DH told her months ago.

Am I being a selfish cow?? OR can I be slightly mad at her??

OP posts:

purpleduck · 18/05/2008 00:47

I'm confused??? was the friend supposed to look after op's kids while her husband whisked her away???

WestCountryLass · 18/05/2008 07:44

If you were going away you should still have gone imo. You could have declined the invite because you are going away for the weekend, family life should surely be the priority over childrens birthday parties!!!!!

A 4 year old is not going to care or notice that you are not there to be honest.

myermay · 18/05/2008 07:48

Tbh, i just wouldn't go - can't your child go with a friend or grandparents and you and dp can go out? or can you get a babysitting so that you and dp and go out after the party? You and your family could go out for the day until say 4ish and then again in the evening if you didn't want to miss the party. Happy birthday!

BEAUTlFUL · 18/05/2008 21:09

Maybe she fancies your husband so was deliberately trying to scupper your romantic weekend. Am I helping?!

FairyMum · 18/05/2008 21:12

Very YABU

Smithagain · 18/05/2008 21:16

My friend organised her DD's party to clash with our DD1's birthday. So we didn't go to the party. No-one was upset and both children had lovely birthdays. Four year olds do not have hang-ups about who is at their party, as long as there is plenty of cake, IME.

MaloryBoden · 18/05/2008 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quint · 18/05/2008 21:22

Wel I don;t think you are being unreasonable at all - she doesn;t sound like a great friend to me.

One day your DH phones her to tell her about his plans to take you away for your birthday and then the next days she calls to let you know that she's booked her 4 year olds part to end at 7.30pm the night you are supposed to be going away. Great friend!

Not sayin that she shouldn;t have had her sons party ob that day but that late is ridiculous and I would question her motives.

But thats me and I'm sure everyone else will disagree with me!

beaniesteve · 18/05/2008 21:22

I'd be more pissed off with your husband than with her. Sounds like he had plenty of time to think of something else, even just a small something to give you on the day, but instead he just cancelled and then waited until today to tell you which is daft.

dittany · 18/05/2008 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SweetieDarling · 18/05/2008 21:31

YANBU - it's an irritating thing to happen. Comments like "you are the adult" (relevancy check?)is patronising and missing the point as it isn't the 4yo you have the problem with - it's ANOTHER adult ie your friend!!!!

If I was your DH I would feel quite hurt having gone to so much trouble for his weekend plans to be scuppered.

Your friend should have understood you couldn't make the party, as she knew about the plans in advance - surely she would have been surprised if you could make it? - and would have been pleased for you as a good friend should be. The 4yo prob wouldn't have noticed beyond 5 mins and you could have made a special visit to see them when you returned.

bozza · 18/05/2008 21:38

Could understand this more if the children were close friends but I have just realised that the OP's DD is a baby so 4yo probably not bothered about having her there TBH. Do agree that the timing is crazy. Am slightly smirking at the idea of making all the adults dress up - that would have been me straight into the car and off to the hotel - makes friend sound slightly precious IMO.

2GIRLS · 20/05/2008 00:23

I would wonder why she would book a party on the exact same day that she knows your dh is taking you away, and books it to end at 7.30 which makes sure that it's too late to go away anywhere.

And no wonder no one is coming, assuming she's invited all his 4 year old friends it's way too late.
Usually, you would plan a party so the food comes out at around lunch time or dinner time (or is that just me?).

What's her relationship like, could she be jealous of your dh taking you away?

And when did your dh find out about this party and that he couldn't take you away? Was there enough time to get you a little something?

2GIRLS · 20/05/2008 00:27

But then on the other hand, it is her ds's birthday and it's on a saturday.
Most children would love to have their party on their actual birthday, and I know if one of my dc's birthday fell on a saturday I would book a party for that day and not care that it was my best friends birthday too!

Flip

1 2 3 4