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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mad at my friend for planning her boys party on my b-day???

89 replies

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 12:00

Well today is my b-day (wheyhey)

My DH just confessed to me that he spoke to my friend a few MONTHS ago and said he would like to take me away overnight on my b-day and asked for suggestions.

It just so happens that her little boy shares my b-day and he is 4 today...

So she went ahead and booked his party for today and when she told us my DH was like well ok it will probably be over about 2 or so, and that way we can still drive somewhere or atleast do dinner....but no!!! She made it for 4:30-7:30!!! Also, she knows my DD goes to bed at 7(not that she should plan it all around us)...so we would have to rush home and well...wouldn't be fun dealing with screaming DD.

I can't tell her I am not coming cause she is my friend and I wouldn't do that to her little boy.

So my DH canceled our plans and now I am just kinda peeved and he is upset cause he has nothing to give me so he feels bad.

I hope it doesn't sound as if I am being selfish and yes a 4 year old b-day is more important than mine (as it is really just another day) but still...I think maybe she could have been considerate...especially since my DH told her months ago.

Am I being a selfish cow?? OR can I be slightly mad at her??

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 17/05/2008 12:58

Oh, happy birthday Emma too

Original poster

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 13:00

Martian: I am so sorry to hear that, and you are right there are other things to worry about and be upset about. Happy Birthday to your DS and I hope it is a good one for you and your family.

I am not sitting here trying to say that this is a huge issue and all I have to worry about. We all have bigger problems lets face it.

I just wanted to get it off my chest and see what people thought and I got that. Maybe I should have just gone away anyway...maybe I should have a whatever attitude and be peachy with my friend...all I know is I cannot help feeling the way I do even if it is unreasonable (which now I know it is)

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 17/05/2008 13:02

What costumes are you, DH and DD wearing to the party?

Blandmum · 17/05/2008 13:03

Bless my ds's sweet heart, his birthday was ages ago, over a month. But he is a sweet natured wee soul and understands that his fainly manic mummy has been a little distracted. (we had a tea part of the family on his actual birthday, so I wasn't too dreadful.)

Do my 8 year old son can understand that sometimes he doesn't get his birthday stuff on his actual birthday, but an adult can't? Really!

And I'll take the manly punch on the arm.

We are fine and we are coping, but this thread is just getting under my rather bruised skin. Seriously, count your blessings and act your age, god willing, you'll have other birthdays. Not all of us are that lucky!

Lulumama · 17/05/2008 13:05

amen to that MB,

Original poster

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 13:06

DD is going as a hippy. I didn't want to spend a lot on something she would wear once so I tie dyed a shirt for her and got her some bell bottoms and a scarf for her head.

My DH is going as superman...don't ask.

And I am going as a fairy cause my friend found the wings and stuff and wanted all her sisters, herself, and me to be faries. So thats what I am going as.

When her DS asked what I was going as I said a mother. He asked what my costume was and I said this was it. He asked about a mask and I said I was wearing one

OP posts:

Gobbledigook · 17/05/2008 13:07

I'd have stuck to my own plans personally. The 4 yr old boy probably couldn't care less if you were there or not.

MeMySonAndI · 17/05/2008 13:08

Why should her child not have the party on his birthdate and at the time that better suits them? I can't understand either why you cancelled the plans, was she babysitting? to be honest I can't see a 4 year old feeling bad about an adult not showing to his party, unless you are their parents or any extremely close family.

Original poster

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 13:08

I didn't want to hurt anyone with my little insignificant question and I am sorry that is has.

OP posts:

MeMySonAndI · 17/05/2008 13:09

...and obviously, I have not read the full thread. Have a great time!

Blandmum · 17/05/2008 13:12

I'm not hurt, honestly

I just think that some general persepctive is helpful sometimes. Your son is 4, he isn't going to mind one little bit. Why make life harder for yourself than it is? and being an hour late with bed time on the weekend isn't going to be a big issue, unless you really wnt it to be.

chill out and enjoy your birthday

Blandmum · 17/05/2008 13:13

sorry, that should have read 'her' son is 4.

LIZS · 17/05/2008 13:17

She is the one who knowingly took a chance whether you'd be free to attend or not, so it probably matters rather less to her than you. Had I been your dh I would n't have cancelled the booking or he could have rearranged it sooner without you knowing along the lines of "I'm planning this but knew you wouldn't want to clash so booked x date instead". tbh neither of them seem to have your consideration of feelings on the same level of priority as you do theirs.

Original poster

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 13:28

Martian: I am glad that I have not upset you. And thank you for your good b-day wishes. I will be thinking of you and your DS all day, wishing all the best.

I just feel like this whole thing is coming off all wrong, you know?

OP posts:

Blandmum · 17/05/2008 13:32

One of the good things that has come out of dh's illness is that I have finaly, at the grand old age of 45, learned life's most impostant rule for happiness, don't fret about the small things. It isn't worth it.

Just have a good day

Original poster

emmabemmasmom · 17/05/2008 13:40

You are totally right and thank you. It is easy to get caught up in little things and I shouldn't.

I am enjoying my day and thank you.

I just wanted to know if it was slightly odd what she did, but I guess it is not. Maybe I will think differently when planning my DD's 1st b-day.

Hope you also have a good day

OP posts:

RubberDuck · 17/05/2008 13:56

Ah .. you haven't planned a children's party yet - that explains a lot All will become clear in the next 3 years, I promise!

If you want to cheer up your friend about the lack of guests, you could always tell her about my ds1's 4th birthday where there was an outbreak of chickenpox the few days before. Only a tiny fraction of the guests weren't ill and were able to attend.

Has to be the most expensive per head party I have ever organised. Still had lots of fun now, and I can laugh about it now 3 years have passed

onlyjoking9329 · 17/05/2008 14:01

it is just a day it isn't massive in the scheme of things is it.
have your birthday on a different day.

Vivace · 17/05/2008 14:08

I know a couple who planned a hugely expensive, elaborate birthday party for their son's 4th birthday and HE refused to come! Had an epic tantrum at home, so all the guests had a lovely time without the birthday boy. Anything can go wrong with four year olds.

oilandwater · 17/05/2008 15:13

The exact same thing happened to me, except I just told my friend that I couldn't come to her dd's party and I went off to celebrate my birthday with my husband.

I think:

YABU for being mad BECAUSE

Your friend was not being unreasonable for planning her ds' party on your birthday. HOWEVER

Your friend would be unreasonable if she was angry at you for missing her son's party in order to go away with your husband. THEREFORE

You would not be unreasonable if you declined the party invite and had a night away with your husband.

Bottom line is he's four I don't think he's going to care or even notice whether his mother's friend is at his party.

Happy Birthday!

pointydog · 17/05/2008 15:19

I think you should have gone on your weekend away and your ds would just have to miss the party.

lackaDAISYcal · 17/05/2008 15:25

tbh I would be mad at my DH for cancelling his plans to take me away for a romantic night away so I could go to the party of the 4 year old son of a friend.

Also it's your friends DSs birthday so she can have his party today if she so chooses.

I wouldn't expect my friends to come to my DSs party, unless they were bringing their own DCs, but if they had something else arranged it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I would have still gone away for the night and arranged for the relative my DC was staying with to take them to the birthday party instead (as they are her sisters you say, then where is the problem??

so, I think YABU to be mad at your friend, but you wouldn't be unreasonable to be mad at you DH for cancelling your night away (and then to tell you about it; and surely he has had lots of time to get you something else, I'm sure he just didn't hear about the change of plan today)

binkleandflip · 17/05/2008 17:01

I still dont get how come dh couldnt buy you a gift in lieu of the fact that he cancelled your birthday trip Its not like he didnt know he would have to cancel in advance of today or have I missed something??

mumeeee · 17/05/2008 22:58

I wouldn't give up my plans for a friends 4 year olds birthday party.
My best friend has never expected me to come to her childrens parties and I have never expected her to come to my childrens Parties.

marymungoandmidge · 17/05/2008 23:12

Happy Birthday and all that but YABU - Her kid comes first (to her) so make your own arrangements ! MOVE ON

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