to take some time off work after a missed miscarriage?

[takemyMILoffmyhands]

Have namechanged.

Found out on Monday that I have had a missed miscarriage. Was supposed to be 8 weeks, my tiny baby was asleep with no heartbeat

I had been spotting all weekend and was very tearful but was told by MIL to stop whinging and be more positive.

When we told her the news on Monday her 1st words were 'oh, and you spent all that money on a scan' (we had paid for a private scan the week before which showed a tiny bean with a heartbeat.)

I have been sent home to miscarry naturally which to be quite honest, emotionally this has been very draining. It has been quite painful, messy and have been bleeding very heavily since Wednesday. Each day it has got steadily worse and although I feel less distressed and in shock than I did earlier in the week, I have found the bleeding very upsetting. MIL has been very good, offering reassurance but often refers to her own experience (she had a D&C the day after she found out) and I get the feeling she thinks I am making a fuss.

However, despite all her 'wise words' the thing that is really sticking in my throat is that she keeps telling me to go back to work. I am not being rescanned to see that everything is gone til the 27th and am seeing GP on Monday to see if he will sign me off until at least then. Mentally and physically I dont feel like I can draw a line under all this until I see the scan and stop bleeding, at least as heavily. MIL thinks that I should go back next week and it seems that everytime DH leaves the room she brings it up. She told me last night that I need to 'get over it' and get back to work. I dont feel strong enough and I am still miscarrying. I dont think I have even 'passed' the worst of it yet. Although she does keep telling me that she doesnt know what I am so worried about re;the bleeding and it should just be like a period cos there 'was nothing really there at that many weeks'.

I am not skiving off work, I work in a high pressured job and dont feel I can do it right now til I am over this. I feel so sad that she is being so heatless. Or is it just me being a wuss? She is making me feel like I am just being weak about it. Am I?

She has expressed concern that I am going to 'mope' while I am off work.

And do you know what?

I fucking am!!! I waited 15 months for this baby and I am going to mope unashamedly.

I can see why she would be concerned that I would mope but at a toss up between moping for a few days and greiving and getting back to normality, the whole getting back to normality upsets me more right now. Have explained this to her and she didnt get it.

The thought of going back to work and getting on with things whilst I'm still losing the baby seriously upsets me.

My MIL said after my second m/c....."I thought you had told people too soon"....meaning I shouldn't have told anyone I was pregnant and just got on with the m/c quietly and on my own. I'm sure she meant well, but she also has a serious case of foot-in-mouth disease. Like takemyMIL I can usually laugh at her and laugh off her insensitive comments, but when emotionally vulnerable I find it a bit too much.

I've put a link to this on the MC avengers thread so hopefully soem of those lovely ladies will be along soon to talk to you takemyMIL.

I've gotta scoot for the moment.

Take Care, and crack open that Haagen Dasz.

thats the spirt!
fuck the old cow bag

right thats decided, your not going back to work till your ready.
its the MN decision
we rule !

It's better to mope and grieve now than for it to hit you like a tonne of bricks three months down the line.

Ithink it is better to sit at home and mope for a bit you need to allow yourself time to grieve I went back to work too soon the first time it happened to me and ended up crying all over the place

daisy how fucking dare she critasie you like that, oh this is making me seeth!!!
my heads going to explode soon.....

I have had that 2!!!

'shouldnt have told anyone'

And when I was spotting over the weekend and getting upset

'could I stop crying to her cos she was getting upset'

God love her.

what is it with these wimmin so much for being kind and compassionate

sorry for your loss takemy.. can your dh not have words with the battleaxe??? Take as much time as you need, only you will know that, take care of yourself x

i really would love to put her straight, tmmilomh

let me at her! let me at her!

she sounds like an utterly repulsive person to me.
if you where my wife id have thrown her out by the scruff of her neck by now.
and told her not to could back till shes learnt some basic humanity and manners

O milkgoddess!!

I love you!!!

A lot of older women seem quite traumatised by their own experiences in the 50s/ 60s with MCP doctors and stiff upper lip medical staff. Her experience is not your experience. She is not being very sympathetic but is reacting in line with other women of her generation I'm afraid. Just avoid her while you're feeling fragile. And you're right to take a while off- it will take you a few weeks to recover fully.

Sorry for your loss. MM/c is not nice.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. If you don't want to go to work yet don't. Take the time to grieve.

I had a Missed Miscarriage and my boss was pressurising me into going back to work and I wish I hadn't as I couldn't cope. So please take your time.

you do whatever is right for you flower, ignore what anyone else says.
there is no right way to deal with the grief, I took a week off work, needed longer really but couldnt afford it so if you feel you ned longer and you can then take longer !

I really feel for you, My mmc was in Feb after almost 2 years ttc, its hideous and was a completly horrible time, it does get better though although i know it wont feel like that yet for you but it does i promise.

I know MN doesn't really like ((hugs))so i'll just send you a little squeeze instead.

Oh worzel I remeber you from the TTC threads.

Hope you are ok- know you have had a hard time recently with getting referred. (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

TTC is horrible and lonely. Hope you are ok hun.

You too Duchesse- hope you are ok

Bless you, thanks for remembering me !

It has been a horrible time, the last couple of months had been soul destroying although actually the last few weeks i've left asif i can finally see the light. finally !.

Still no chance of getting refered either, Dr's a complete twat

I found message boards were my salvation after my mmc. while it was terrible to realise how common they actually are the women who had been through the same thing gave me such great support and realy made the situation more barable.

My family have been shit too, Sils pregnant so all the attentions gone on her, i have just kinda faded out lol.

oh well, you cant choose your families eh !

My SIL is pregnant too.

MIL invited her to OUR house last night for dinner

Think I coped dead well though to be honest. Lectured her on how painful BF is. Very mean but made me feel much better.

We were just about to be referred when I found out I was pregnant. bummer. back to the drawing board.

(apologies I missed a bit when reading the OP about MIL's d&c - skimming too fast.)

Ahh you meany ! ;)

You sound like you coped exceptionally well ! I have only seen sil once since when sha came to borrow my maternity clothes and i spent the whole time stood silently crying in the kitchen, i'd just sorted myself out when dd wandered in and asked me if i had sore eyes and gave the game away.
Sils not bothered with me atall since then though which i guess is a blessing.

Anyway, back to you. Take as much time away from work as you need, there is no right way to deal with your loss even if other people tell you there is (( hugs)) x

I had 2 mmc and took at least a week off with each. I explained to my (male) boss that I couldn't cope with losing that much blood and being away from home.

As it was, with the second one I had such a sudden loss of blood that I soaked myself, the settee and the floor, and frightened teenage DS to death. Imagine that happening at work

Your work doesn't need to know why you are off sick btw - my GP offered to put something vague on my sick note like 'infection' or something. And bearing in mind that these things have a tendency to be left lying around on desks etc it would be no bad thing.

I have told people at work why I am off. Luckily, everyone at work is extremely understanding and have been very supportive. I am blessed to work where I do. They have told me to take as much time as I need, there is no formulae for these things and to take care.

They have been exceptionally good. I work in a hospital and was frog marched to EPU when I mentioned that I was bleeding. I was then told the bad news and one of the managers sat with me til DH came.

My workplace is due an award I reckon.