Page 8 | Things in-laws do to annoy you.

Pinkjellyunicorn · 2025-04-22T18:01:39+00:00

I could write a book I swear. My in-laws have a different mother tounge. My husband understands all and speaks a little due to moving to UK age 10. My in-laws constantly talk in a different language in my house, whilst sat at my Christmas dinner table, sometimes screaming and shouting at each other in a forgein language. Husband doesn’t let us or DC go there as it’s filthy (and some other reasons but that’s a whole other post) so we are stuck with them here. AIBU think this is damn right rude? Please make me feel better with your woes 🤣

thepariscrimefiles · 25/04/2025 07:34

KeenTaupeStork · 25/04/2025 07:25

MIL and FIL barely speak, ever. If FIL (who is lovely) addresses MIL, she pretends not to hear him, or snaps at him with one word answers. With everyone else, she’s queasily OTT (holibobbles, cosy wosy, tinkly sing song voice). It’s really bizarre to see the juxtaposition.

MIL doesn’t eat. Like a PP’s ILs, she’ll come to our house when we’re eating and just sit and watch. She sat in the living room while DH, my parents and I shared a takeaway at the dining table, for instance. Or DH or I will spend ages making a meal (and we’re good cooks, if I may say so!), and she’ll take the tiniest amount and pick it apart on her plate. She seems to survive on a slice of cheese and a cherry tomato for days on end. All of her children have disordered ideas around food and body image and I suspect this is not a coincidence.

Hygiene at my ILs house is non-existent. There are visible stains on the hallway rug from the dog weeing on it, and their oven broke because a mouse moved in and made a nest in it. They also do the ‘leaving food out for days on end’ thing.

The house is piled high with years and years of stuff (including all of MIL’s mum’s furniture - table and chairs, bedframes, mattresses - who sadly passed away in abour 2018).

They have absolutely no understanding of their dog’s body language. Their dog growls and lunges at our dog, ‘but her little tail is whizzing round and round!!’, so she must be pleased to see our dog really…

Probably somewhat related to MIL not speaking to FIL (apparently it has been like this as long as DH can remember), she will gatecrash her children’s holidays and days out with their families and partners instead. DH thinks it’s completely normal to plan a day trip and for MIL to decide to come along too, or to go away on holiday and for MIL to decide that her own holiday will coincide with ours, at the same campsite, so that even though they live a 10-min drive away at home, we also end up spending our holidays and days off with them too.

The ‘black sheep’ sibling of my DH’s family is actually the only sane and normal one who can see how strange her parents’ dynamic is and can actually express their emotions. Everyone else (DH included, although he’s getting better) sulks and represses their feelings. She’s invariably called names (‘slug’ etc) by MIL and the rest of the siblings, and the other day, DH recounted a ‘funny’ story about how MIL would go into the sibling’s room and throw wet flannels on her while she was sleeping.

DH’s speech at our wedding was about how wonderful his upbringing was and his parents are.

And breathe 🫣🙃

Does your DH still think that his parents, particularly his mum, are marvellous? The behaviour towards the sane sister as a child (and an adult probably) was abusive. Does your DH still think that this was funny?

KeenTaupeStork · 25/04/2025 07:39

thepariscrimefiles · 25/04/2025 07:34

Does your DH still think that his parents, particularly his mum, are marvellous? The behaviour towards the sane sister as a child (and an adult probably) was abusive. Does your DH still think that this was funny?

Show quote history

He told it like it was funny and tried to defend his mum’s actions, yes. I was horrified and told him so.

GardenGreen · 25/04/2025 08:10

MIL gives DC picture books and scribes a message in them (“I had a vivid imagination and I’ll read this to you one day.”). She doesn’t read or play with DC (who is a toddler and likes being read to). MIL takes photos and video of DC and then sits back and has a coffee and gossips about people we don’t know. I end up playing with DC the entire visit. I can’t have a coffee or anything because MIL won’t try to hold or cuddle DC. Too taxing for her, I guess.

Daisyvodka · 25/04/2025 08:51

Love the people who have come onto the thread with 'this is a horrible thread, you are awful' who quite clearly do at least one of the things mentioned or has loved family members that do and are offended for that reason!

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 25/04/2025 09:12

Didn’t have a MiL, sadly died just before I met dh. But FiL. Everything was his way. I was used to my family, where no one shouted, rows were short and rare. First time I stayed over, I nearly left in tears because there was a 3 way shouting match going on. When I had twin boys, his reaction was “Huh, more boys”His temper has left lasting scars on dh and bils, his youngest brother-brought up by him-was infantilised and denigrated so, although he’s sweet natured, he’s effing useless, so he still expects a lot of help.I could see how things were going a few years ago, and when dh had once again reduced me to tears, I told him he was turning into his father and I wouldn’t have it. Took that on board and has changed. Sadly middle bil, is really turning into his dad, very opinionated, he knows best, can be fucking vile to sil.
Saying that, at times he could be incredibly generous, paid for holidays when we were struggling, made canny investments that made sure we were ok after his death and made the best roasties I’ve ever had.

Whereland · 25/04/2025 09:15

My MIL is a good cook and makes a lovely roast but comments on it constantly throughout the meal. “Well that’s actually pretty good”. Two minutes later “I’m very pleased with that meat”. One minute later “those potatoes came out lovely”. As soon as the meal is over “well now that wasn’t bad at all”. And we all have to agree each time

Pussycat22 · 25/04/2025 09:54

namechangeGOT · 22/04/2025 20:46

My in-laws are genuinely lovely lovely people but they also say things that get on every tit I have got

Mataland
Duggnells (dunelm)
a-lately
pacifically
Bockle (bottle)
Lickle (little)
’we’ll borrow it you’ instead of lend
’i learned him how’ instead of ‘taught him how’
’he won him at Monopoly instead of he beat him.

and millions more.

when DS was little they straight away started saying ‘Gan-Gan’ instead of Granddad or ‘Choccy-choc’ instead of chocolate. It winds me off the clock!

Also, every Christmas, despite DH & I both DETESTING the stuff, they buy us every single variant of the shit Aldi baileys. I don’t like normal baileys so I definitely don’t want Mint Choc Chip baileys or Christmas Pudding Baileys.

Hate lickle and bockle !! Even phone keeps trying to change it as I write!!!

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 25/04/2025 10:16

notsureyetcertain · 25/04/2025 06:54

Mil and fil were quite judgemental when ds had a routine as a baby, we were told not to pander to him. Yet if we don’t do things exactly as mil wants she spits her dummy.

I do find it's quite a trend that older people can say that you shouldn't fuss about a baby's routine needs, but their habits are PARAMOUNT AND NOT TO BE DISTURBED.

Except a baby/toddler is too young to know why it's lunch/nap are at a different time, whilst adults should be well able to adapt to a bit of flexibility.

Original poster

Pinkjellyunicorn · 25/04/2025 11:12

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 25/04/2025 06:54

@Pinkjellyunicorn can’t lie, that feels like a bit much. One thing is not wanting your in laws to speak to each other over other people’s at the table or something, another thing is not wanting them to speak their mother tongue at all in front of your children.

So what if it’s only spoken in one country? That would be a pretty cool skill.

I haven’t got my point across properly. I would love for DC to speak PIL mother tongue. DH was brought up speaking English as first lab due to class narrative in home country. I personally would learn lots of other languages over this one dialect. I was really hoping they wouldn’t let history repeat itself and only talk mother tongue to DC. That hasn’t happened either.

OP posts:

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 25/04/2025 12:29

@Pinkjellyunicorn oooohh I see what you mean sorry!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 25/04/2025 13:25

Whereland · 25/04/2025 09:15

My MIL is a good cook and makes a lovely roast but comments on it constantly throughout the meal. “Well that’s actually pretty good”. Two minutes later “I’m very pleased with that meat”. One minute later “those potatoes came out lovely”. As soon as the meal is over “well now that wasn’t bad at all”. And we all have to agree each time

Oh my ex's mum did this. I hated it too

CanYouTurnItDown · 25/04/2025 14:19

Is this just about parents in law?

Because my son in law was glued to his phone and so disinterested in everything including his own kids, all the time.

notsureyetcertain · 25/04/2025 14:32

CanYouTurnItDown · 25/04/2025 14:19

Is this just about parents in law?

Because my son in law was glued to his phone and so disinterested in everything including his own kids, all the time.

That must be tough to watch

CanYouTurnItDown · 25/04/2025 17:02

He’s an ex son in law now. Sadly not through daughter’s choice and she’d drop everything to have him back 🥺

Whenwillyoumakemyphonering · 25/04/2025 17:12

Mine, thankfully, is no longer with us.
My MIL, used to ignore me and the kids, never acknowledged us or spoke to us! No gello, no birthday, christmas greetings we were invisuble! Apparently I wasn't what she wanted as a DIL, apparently me being a head chef was a unskilled role! I have a degree, just wanted to be a chef. She hated that DH had adopted my twins, despite wanting.to be a grandmother.

She also used to insist that DH went to tell her he was leaving for work, when she stayed with us, very rarely, and treated him like her husband. I put a stop to that very quickly

LoftyLemonCat · 26/04/2025 03:09

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HelpMeUnpickThis · 28/04/2025 16:05

CurlewKate · 22/04/2025 20:35

How very dare they speak a foreign language!

@CurlewKate

It's exceptionally rude to speak a foreign language in a group setting to the exclusion of other people. And I speak multiple foreign languages - I'd never do that, especially not to a family member.

How can you justify it?