Things in-laws do to annoy you.

[Pinkjellyunicorn]

I could write a book I swear.

My in-laws have a different mother tounge. My husband understands all and speaks a little due to moving to UK age 10. My in-laws constantly talk in a different language in my house, whilst sat at my Christmas dinner table, sometimes screaming and shouting at each other in a forgein language. Husband doesn’t let us or DC go there as it’s filthy (and some other reasons but that’s a whole other post) so we are stuck with them here.

AIBU think this is damn right rude?

Please make me feel better with your woes 🤣

They make no effort, so they do fuck all. I guess that's annoying.

Them being able to speak a second language isn’t the issue, knowingly speaking in a language you know others don’t understand, in their presence and especially in their own home is very rude.

Thus my entire generation is monolingual, because the wives objected to the husbands speaking their own language, given that their wives were present in the home most of the time.

My in laws ring and then proceed to have a conversation between themselves while you’re on the phone.

If they ring and we don’t immediately answer they go into a huge panic/meltdown but if we try and call them we can not hear back for days.

They insist on saying they’ll help by doing things like driving us to the airport but will then be late so it’s stressful (we just say no to this now & just order a taxi).

MIL always messages me (rather than husband) to remind me of upcoming birthdays for my husbands large family. Also keeps telling me she prefers my hair blonde when I’ve been brunette since 2019!

If they’re old, it’s probably just easier for them to speak to each other in their native language, it’s not a slight against you.

My previous in-laws were evil and I can’t say I was sad when they died.

My current MIL is evil but we have no connection to her so it doesn’t actually impact me.

According to Mumsnet, all an in-law has to do to annoy is exist. They should stay locked in a cupboard until they are required to baby sit.

Are your DC not learning their GP language?
We do “one parent one language” with our DC.

This is utterly 🤢🤢🤢

This is insane.

It’s probably the strangest thing I’ve read on MN in some time.

MIL claiming she's not fussy with food, then refusing everything we've bought in for her visit and asking for random things like beef burgers for breakfast...you didn't request anything specific when asked so no you can't have burgers for breakfast!

Claiming to help us out before baby comes (due in two weeks) but then is waited on hand and foot by DH and treating our house like a holiday home.

Can never be on time or early for anything. Ever. Or claiming any activity that starts before 11am as "too early" even when it involves a two year old...

Knew she had to be ready for an 11.30 departure so has a bath (!!) at 11.15...

Sits reading (OUT LOUD to two year old DD) and laughing her head off at "This Is Going To Hurt" next to her heavily pregnant DIL...

She wants to come and "help" when the new baby arrives but if she a) sits on her arse reading her books or having baths, b) requests random food at all hours, and c) refuses to actually do any activities with DD because the groups are "too early", then I actually despair.

Both passed away but loads…
when we stayed with them, never did anythjng, just sat in the dark watching tv, didn’t even speak. Then would constantly tell me how brilliant it must be for me to come and visit their city (and watch their tv?).
MIL had ridiculous ideas about rearing children and believed they should sleep 20 hours a day from birth and clean every plate ever given to them. Also I should give a 2 month old chocolate and it wouldn’t do any harm.
Processed food was much better and healthier than home made food.
MIL used to try and manipulate everyone by making up lies, it didn’t work and frequently backfired on her though.
They never went anywhere, ever. When DH was growing up they went on holiday (in U.K.) but didn’t go on day trips and actually hadn’t even seen most of their own city, some places a few minutes walk away. They hated visiting us as I would drag them out to places.
MIL hated the fact that we basically didn’t make exactly the same choices as her - different food, holidays, bed times, tv choices, sandwich fillings - all were deeply offensive to her for not being her basically.
MIL would fake cry about things, like a sob, over absolutely nothing and make out it was the end of the world. I can’t stand fake drama.
FIL was just hard work. All he ever wanted to do was go for a drink. When he’d had a drink he was the most irritating person alive.
too many for on bere.

Thanks for standing up for me. I mean they do it all the time, my nearly 4 year old has started talking gibberish as they think it’s a game. In their home country their domestics didn’t speak their tounge and I think they look at me like that way sometimes. All this whilst in my house, eating all kids food we save for lunchboxes, grapes baby bells ect. Don’t flush toilets, leave mess everywhere, think leaving orange peels and pistachio shells on the arms of sofas is ok.

They aren’t old, one has a medical PHD, retired last year, used English all day every day in work. Other very educated lots of English friends. I get it’s a habit but it’s so so rude.

My DH was brought up speaking English as they wanted him to be first language English and doesn’t speak well enough to use it at home with DC. I asked for them to bring DC bi-lingual - speak with their grandparents in mother tounge. Said it’s too hard for DC to learn. I have a-level French and Spanish, lived in both countries as an adult, really appreciate languages.

Trust me when you’re speaking a second language all day every day, it’s an enormous relief to finally just relax and speak your own.

I feel like you posted about this before though, or maybe someone in similar circumstances! Are they Italian?

Oh my god 😭 how on earth are they still alive??

It reminds me of that boy who died after eating pasta that had been sitting in the counter for like 6 days.

I wonder if any of your parents similarly annoy your other halves hmmm

Why are they coming on holiday with you? You should have said no. They sound like shit grandparents so you will get no benefit from them being there.

Fuck knows. They see nothing wrong with it. My husband doesn’t either.

They used to come and visit and bring food, which I would throw away when they left. They would bring a chicken that they had cooked 2 days prior to visiting, which would have just been left out on the side, or in the oven, and tell me it would be great for a week of dc packed lunches.

If dh had his way, he would still be making spaghetti sauce/chilli/curry and leaving it out on the hob for 5 days, reheating whenever he wanted some.

Parents in law are Italian. Every week is a huge pot of chicken pasta sauce that’s left for 5 days on the hob. FIL is convinced that the more times it’s heated up, the healthier it becomes. God, can you imagine the bacteria 🤢🤢

I am the crazy one for portioning thins up and keeping in the fridge for a maximum of 3 days, freezing the any surplus to that. That’s madness, apparently. It was a dealbreaker for me when dh and I first lived together. I am not eating a chicken sauce that’s been left out at room temperature and constantly reheated for 5 days.

My ex-in-laws. When me and ex bought our first home (it was lovely) all nicely decorated, really beautiful. They came to stay with us, treated us like a b&b, both vegan but wanted different milk each, sent a list of foods etc. They wouldn’t even make themselves a cup of tea, I ran around hosting them trying to prove I’d be a good DIL.

On their last night I made a special dinner, all MIL did was complain about it. They had a blazing row whilst I was out the room and sat sulking for the rest of the night.

When they left the following day not only had they not stripped the bed, and left empty sachets of toiletries on the floor in the shower; they had filled my spare room with dusty, cobweb covered bags from their garage, of things they had been storing for my ex.

They hadn’t asked him to sort the bags or put the filthy things in my garage to be cleaned. They just dumped them on the lovely, brand new carpet and bedding that I had bought for their visit.

Ashamed to say I just burst into tears.

Yes, my dad was the embodiment of misery. Everything was brought down to a joyless heap of talking about death, destruction, how awful everything was within minutes. He was a complete dementor and no fun at all.

But the OP asked about in laws.

They don't flush the toilet?? Why on earth not? Are they deliberately disrespecting you?

What does your DH think about their behaviour? I would stop inviting them to your home. They sound absolutely horrible.

That’s what I thought. 🤔

It's a long time since I had any PIL but I remember years ago it was well known among me and the other wives not to get too close to FIL when he had been drinking, because you'd get 'felt up'. We'd all learned the hard way.