Should I be made to feel guilty for this?

[Burpeehater]

I’m a single mum with 2 dds, 11 & 17.
My bf has asked if I’d like to go away for 7 nights, before we book I wanted to check with younger dds dad that he was ok to look after her for 7 nights, or if he couldn’t arrange for my mum to help out.
Eldest dd is more than capable of looking after herself.
I messaged youngest dds Dad last night to say would he be ok to have her, if not no problem as my mum would do it.
we don’t get along and have recently had a year and a half long non molestation order against him come to an end. I worded it in a way that didn’t make it sound like he had the control over me to stop me from going away, as he would say no if he thought he could.
His response was along the lines of ‘Wow!!! Have you not taken our daughter’s feelings into concern about this at all!’

Am I wrong for going on holiday without my DD’s? Is it something I should feel guilty for or is he just making me feel guilty for no reason?
I know whoever looks after my dd, she will be well looked after and happy, she’ll obviously miss me but we also have our own holiday to look forward to together later in the year.

I genuinely enjoy spending time with my kids but it doesn't have to be ALL of my time, and being away from them is not an indication that I don't enjoy them. It's unhealthy to become so subsumed in your parenting role that you can't / won't do anything else.

Why is it okay for you to choose to spend time away from your kids, because you want to, but not okay for someone to choose not to spend time away from their kids (when they're not at work/school), because they don't want to? Can't both those things be okay?

The problem with the opposite position to mine is that kids grow up and away and too many people find themselves with no identity and no idea what to do with themselves. It also, if taken too far, can give the kids an unhealthy sense of being the absolute priority always and never experience not being top of the list. In the end it's just an opinion and others are valid, but that's how I see it.

The non molestation order was to protect myself from him and keep him away from harassing me.
I trust him with our daughter and he also lives with his parents and 2 sisters, who I know are there and will look after her too.

My mum wouldn't of gone on holiday without me. Infact she didn't ever leave me alone.
I have crippling anxiety due to it. I feel like I've been babied for a long time and infact struggle to do anything for myself
(Was made to go food shopping until 15) not allowed to be left home alone under any circumstances and as it was only her in the house, I had to go with her.
I'd definitely say a few days with dad would teach much more independence

I am still going regardless of whether he looks after dd or not, my mum will be on standby just incase.
I know it’s because he’s jealous and hates to do anything to help me out, but he would also take as much time with dd as possible.
He has this evening sent a message saying in a very passive aggressive way that he will of course always look after her.
He never replies to my messages and I know if I’d have asked without arranging my Mum to help first he would have never replied until the last minute, just because he’s a prick and he likes the control!

But do you think children of the armed forces etc are mentally damaged?

"Mentally damaged" is absolutely not the phrase I'd use, but I do think spending so much time away from one of their parents will have a negative impact on their mental health, yes.

Sorry, but I was a military child and this is a load of codswallop!! I’m now over 50 and in perfectly good working order mentally, as are all my old friends. I had a fantastic childhood, living in amazing places and my dad went away a lot. It had no impact on me at all 😀

I'm very glad that's the case for you, and others you know. I know a couple of military children who have very poor relationships with their dads, although it's obviously impossible to know whether that would have been the case even if their dads hadn't been away for a lot of their childhoods.