cooking for a guest that don’t turn up !

[Cuppa2sugars]

Just miffed that a guest invited to a dinner party didn’t turn up and i’d made a meal that suited her diet needs. Do i take the meal to her ? she’s fussy about food that’s travelled as she’s so ocd.

I would send her a message saying she is outrageously rude to not show up after you went to the time and expense of cooking her a special vegetarian meal and that she won't be invited again.

This. Don't let her mug you off again. It sounds like she has form for cancelling on a whim with shitey excuses picked out of the air. She'll do it again and again if you give her the chance to.

Surely you would have to be an absolute mug to invite this woman ever again??

Don't you dare pander to her and take the food to her!! This would be a deal breaker for me. OCD or not,it doesn't stop her sending a text to let you know she can't make it.

Exactly- its fine if she feels too mentally unwell to come but at least let people know that.

For the love of God, dont cook for her again, its now happened twice. Stop cooking for people you know wont turn up!

That's not a real apology though, is it? In these days of multiple, instant ways of communication the guest could've chosen to easily and personally make her apologies to the host, she chose instead to mug her off through her unwitting (and probably rather uncomfortable) stooges. She was rude.

That’s really rude of her.

I would text her, asking why she wasn’t there- let her have to tell you her lame excuse to your face rather than through friends.

Struggling with mental or physical health doesn’t mean you can act like a dick. A quick text an hour earlier would have been better than the nothing OP received, through friends doesn’t count.

The only time it’s acceptable to not turn up without apologising/cancelling yourself is 1) you genuinely forgot, 2) you’re in captivity, unconscious, seriously unwell or dead.

Are you also a fickle and rude person? Perhaps reflect on that. OP went out of her way to welcome and accommodate her friend with a meal cooked to order, it’s bloody rude to not turn up without a call or text with a good explanation.

Freeze the meal & if she turns up next time you can defrost & heat it for her - and save yourself from repeating the scenario for a third time.

She is rude snd selfish. Don't invite her again.

She did just "not turn up".

If you have decided not to come to a dinner party, especially one where you know the host has had to cook something different to meet your dietary requirements, you contact the host directly in advance to let them know you aren't going to make it. And barring an actual emergency it should be far enough in advance that they don't actually have to cook your special fussy buggers meal, or indeed buy your special fussy bugger ingredients.

Otherwise, you have indeed just not turned up.

Freeze it in portions, it will be great to have to hand when you can't be bothered to cook or need a quick meal.

I agree. Would people please stop using the ‘so OCD’ expression? It’s insulting unless the person actually has OCD. And even if they do, making light of it in this way is ignorant. I have a child whose life has ground to a halt due to OCD. No school. No friends. No life. It’s heartbreaking. So just fucking stop it with the OCD comments. You don’t say someone is ‘so MS’ if they’re feeling a bit tired, do you?

Oh I’d love to know the back story between the Op and this guest

I am guessing…. Your mother in law Op?

I wouldn't invite someone again if they have treated me with contempt. Which is what this is. It's so appallingly rude. And it's not her first time?

If someone treats you disrespectfully and you continue to offer friendship, you are saying: "Yes, I am not worthy. I don't deserve to be treated with consideration. I am here for more shabby behaviours from you and I will just roll over and take it, because I am so base."

That's not a message I'm prepared to give anyone.

And if pal had phoned up and wailed, "OP, I'm so sorry, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. I feel terrible, knowing you've cooked for me and everything! We'll get together soon and I'll cook for you, I promise" then I could forgive.

But sending a message via others instead is rude as fuck. I wouldn't bother with her again, cheeky mare.

That is as bad as not turning up, from the point of view that the food would've definitely be prepared by the time other guests relayed the msg upon their arrival! Extremely rude.

My sil was like this. On a regular basis. Didn't even turn up for my daughter's Welcoming Party. Never contacted me to apologise. I put up with it for my brother's sake.

As another poster said if you let it continue you are giving the message that you're not worthy of respect. Her behaviour escalated, total lack of consideration and rudeness. I will never cook for (or socialise with) the awful specimen ever again although she's trying to get back in with me.

My point is, two no shows, nip it in the bud now. I'm still very annoyed at myself for tolerating it.

I don’t understand the dynamic here. Is she a friend, or someone else brings her along?

Don’t invite her again, simples. If anyone asks say it is costing money catering to her needs, and then it’s wasted.

FYI Quorn is grim.

If you're near me I'll have it OP, I love quorn! 🤣if there's no room in your freezer is there anything you can defrost or that needs chucking out? Then freeze it for next time anyone vegetarian or whatever visits.

Did she know quorn was on the menu op? May explain the no show 😂

I’ve marked you as unreasonable because of your use of OCD as a term for someone being fussy. It is a debilitating and life affecting disorder if she has actually been diagnosed with it (which I think not from what you say).

The answer to this is fuck her!

Problem sorted and don't ever bother with her again - bloody rude.

Thank you for asking this. The use of OCD to mean fussy is irritating as OCD is such a difficult condition to live with

I wasn't sure how to vote. I voted YABU for even considering taking the food to her. She would now be falling foul of my two-strikes rule. She is rude and wouldn't receive a third invitation.

Did you message her and tell her that you think she is very rude as you had cooked especially for her? I would not be inviting her again