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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our summer holiday because of snoring

82 replies

Toastedpickle · 21/04/2025 21:56

Just been away with DH and kids. His snoring meant that I have come back exhausted. I booked a three bedroom place so that I could sleep in a different room but, due to the layout of the house and the excessive noise he makes, I could still hear every snort despite ear plugs.

We are due to go on holiday again the summer for a week but I just can’t do it. I get so anxious about going away nowadays purely for this, worrying that where we stay will have thin walls or that it will keep the kids awake. It costs more having to get the extra room. I also hate sleeping on my own in a strange house. We don’t share a bed at home anymore and it’s so lonely. I’m on a pull up bed in the spare room which isn’t ideal.

yabu - get over it / don’t cancel holiday
yanbu - snoring is hell / cancel holiday

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/04/2025 22:28

I voted YANBU because I completely empathise.

I have slept in a separate room to my DH for many years and even then he still often disturbed me with his snoring. I went to the spare box room as he gets up a lot earlier than me and woke me getting ready for with if I slept in our room and made him go to the spare room.

I was on the brink of leaving him - his half baked attempts at stopping snoring (anything that needed very little effort on his part) were just pissing me off even more so he finally saw the GP, got referred and now has a CPAP machine. I hate sleeping next to him with it on - the sound makes me anxious but with earplugs I can tolerate it and sleep pretty well for a holiday. I can’t tolerate ear plugs every night so I stay in the box room but I no longer feel so cross about it.

your DH needs to get assessed properly @Toastedpickle. Could you afford for the initial appt to be private to get the wheels in motion? If not I’d be thinking about telling him we were going on holiday without him and make sure he knows why.

Bumcake · 21/04/2025 22:39

TriviaMum · 21/04/2025 22:21

Sorry if I’ve missed something. Where do you and he sleep at home?

Read her second paragraph.

ehb102 · 21/04/2025 22:41

I feel your pain! We have to get an extra bedroom on holiday and when we can't I have ear defenders, headphones, a snoozeband, all kinds of things to drown out the 60 decibel snoring. Yes, I downloaded an app and measured. Men who refuse to go to the doctor aren't annoying.

Shodan · 21/04/2025 22:42

bigknitblanket · 21/04/2025 22:08

I used to have some horrific holidays without sleep until I bought a musicozy headband. With silicon earplugs and the headband over the top playing white noise I don’t hear a damn thing, and my husband snores like a wild boar.

I do the exact same. Even with DP facing me in bed, snoring like a Harley revving, I can't hear a thing.

Sometimes we do sleep in separate rooms so I can go without earplugs (I get eczema in my ears so like to give them a break now and then) but the headband on its own is fine then.

It's worth a go- I was in despair until I tried it. Earplugs on their own are good but not 100%.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 21/04/2025 22:43

DH is an insanely loud snorer. If he falls asleep on the sofa, I can hear him from the bedroom. We live in a bloody townhouse ffs!! He was diagnosed with sleep apnoea years ago, had Septoplasty and was given a Cpap machine. Unfortunately he said it was uncomfortable so only wore it for a few weeks. As a result, we're both knackered all the time! He's now waiting on a hospital appointment to get rid of nasal polyps again and discuss a different type of cpap machine (only because I threatened to chuck him out! 🤣)

Jonismorf · 21/04/2025 22:43

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

Secularbeaver · 21/04/2025 22:43

I'm absolutely dreading our summer holiday for the same reason. I'll also have a 6m old waking me up. He absolutely can't see why I'd not be looking forward to it 🫠

We've not slept in the same room for years and years.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 21/04/2025 22:46

Jonismorf · 21/04/2025 22:43

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

In what way is he being punished?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/04/2025 22:48

Jonismorf · 21/04/2025 22:43

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

He can and should get the help he needs without pushing his wife this far. Expecting others to sleep on a camp bed because he can’t be bothered to seek appropriate help shows a complete lack of respect.

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 21/04/2025 22:49

Crazycat53 · 21/04/2025 22:04

I tottally sympathise with you. My dh's snoring was awful. I got him to go to the GP. He got a hospital referral & was sent a machine to check on his sleep. Turns out he has sleep apnea. He has a cpap machine which is a million times quieter than his snoring.

Same i have put up with it for years wearing earplugs till my ears bleed. I snapped last year. He now has a machine due to sleep apnoea and he was stopping breathing up.to 30 times a night! Night time is now much much quieter ...

soupyspoon · 21/04/2025 22:50

These threads always go the same way, with people diagnosing sleep apnea with such certainty, OH snores badly at times , it's not sleep apnea, I used to snore horrifically but it wasn't sleep apnea.

CorbyTrouserPress · 21/04/2025 22:52

soupyspoon · 21/04/2025 22:50

These threads always go the same way, with people diagnosing sleep apnea with such certainty, OH snores badly at times , it's not sleep apnea, I used to snore horrifically but it wasn't sleep apnea.

Exactly!

CorbyTrouserPress · 21/04/2025 22:53

Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/04/2025 22:48

He can and should get the help he needs without pushing his wife this far. Expecting others to sleep on a camp bed because he can’t be bothered to seek appropriate help shows a complete lack of respect.

Show quote history

Where did the OP say he can’t be bothered to seek appropriate help?

Gardenbumblebee · 21/04/2025 22:54

Jonismorf · 21/04/2025 22:43

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

Are men unable to make their own gp appointments?

Lascivious · 21/04/2025 22:55

I could not sleep with a snorer. Why are you inconvenienced because of him?

He needs to get help or move well away from you. It’s intensely selfish.

CorbyTrouserPress · 21/04/2025 22:55

Gardenbumblebee · 21/04/2025 22:54

Are men unable to make their own gp appointments?

Show quote history

Where did the OP say he hadn’t been to the GP?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/04/2025 22:55

@CorbyTrouserPress I’m sure op wouldn’t be sleeping in a camp bed and considering cancelling their holiday if she knew that a solution / vast improvement was on the horizon.

SheridansPortSalut · 21/04/2025 22:56

Jonismorf · 21/04/2025 22:43

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

He's punishing her by not seeking treatment for his medical condition.

CorbyTrouserPress · 21/04/2025 22:59

Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/04/2025 22:55

@CorbyTrouserPress I’m sure op wouldn’t be sleeping in a camp bed and considering cancelling their holiday if she knew that a solution / vast improvement was on the horizon.

You think he can and should get help. How?

The OP has not said if he has or has not been to the GP. What if he has and there is no solution?

InfoSecInTheCity · 21/04/2025 22:59

I bought these pillows in the hopes they would fix my stiff sore neck, they didn’t, but they did miraculously stop my snoring from the first night and my husband and DH report that they haven’t heard me snore since. https://www.argos.co.uk/product/2729884

i offer no guarantees but it might be worth a try for £13.00

CorbyTrouserPress · 21/04/2025 23:01

SheridansPortSalut · 21/04/2025 22:56

He's punishing her by not seeking treatment for his medical condition.

Show quote history

The OP never said this.

He very possibly hasn’t sought treatment but we can’t ascertain that from the first post.

BruFord · 21/04/2025 23:01

I suddenly started snoring a couple of years ago and have been tested for sleep apnea. I haven’t got it, but I’ve discovered that I don’t snore when sleeping on my side.

So I’ve got a big pillow to keep me on my side instead of rolling onto my back. He needs to see what he can do about it, it’s not fair to keep you up with his noise.

Darkclothes · 21/04/2025 23:08

soupyspoon · 21/04/2025 22:50

These threads always go the same way, with people diagnosing sleep apnea with such certainty, OH snores badly at times , it's not sleep apnea, I used to snore horrifically but it wasn't sleep apnea.

No- Not everyone that snores has obstructive sleep apnoea. Other causes can be the anatomical shape of the nose/soft palate/throat etc Some can be treated via ENT, not all, but many. Someone that only started snoring later in life and potentially after gaining weight (not always) should always be checked for sleep apnoea!

Pyjamatimenow · 21/04/2025 23:11

Full sympathy here

SundayFundayz · 21/04/2025 23:26

I was the snorer in our relationship, and it took trying out a few but I eventually found a mouthguard that stopped it completely. I got mine from vitalsleep but there are lots out there. I would ask him to try and get used to something like that now, to make the holiday bearable!
side note… I’ve now lost 3 stone and stopped snoring totally. That’s not always the cause but it appears to have been in my situation!