To cancel our summer holiday because of snoring

[Toastedpickle]

Just been away with DH and kids. His snoring meant that I have come back exhausted. I booked a three bedroom place so that I could sleep in a different room but, due to the layout of the house and the excessive noise he makes, I could still hear every snort despite ear plugs.

We are due to go on holiday again the summer for a week but I just can’t do it. I get so anxious about going away nowadays purely for this, worrying that where we stay will have thin walls or that it will keep the kids awake. It costs more having to get the extra room. I also hate sleeping on my own in a strange house. We don’t share a bed at home anymore and it’s so lonely. I’m on a pull up bed in the spare room which isn’t ideal.

yabu - get over it / don’t cancel holiday
yanbu - snoring is hell / cancel holiday

Going without sleep is my worst nightmare so I wouldn't enjoy a holiday like that. Has your husband sought medical advice or tried various cures?

He needs to look in to his snoring if it’s affecting you so much.

I've had a holiday ruined by snoring and don't think it's worth it either. Is your DH willing to speak to a doctor about this?

I was recommended Snorban by an ENT consultant - it’s a mouthguard that you mould to shape of your mouth/teeth & adjusts your jaw position to prevent snoring. Money back guarantee so worth a try. DH says when I wear it I don’t snore it all. May also be something like sleep apnoea that requires treatment.

Why the hell are you on a pull out bed? Cancel the holiday, spend the money on a decent bed, mattress, and decorate the spare room properly as your bedroom. If there’s anything else in there that’s his it needs to move. Sleep is vital, you really need to prioritise it. Is he getting any treatment for the snoring?

I tottally sympathise with you. My dh's snoring was awful. I got him to go to the GP. He got a hospital referral & was sent a machine to check on his sleep. Turns out he has sleep apnea. He has a cpap machine which is a million times quieter than his snoring.

Could he sleep downstairs if you are renting a house? Such a shame to miss your holiday.
You need a long term solution any way. And meanwhile a proper bed in the spare room.

YANBU. Lack of sleep is hugely detrimental so I think you’re well within your rights to cancel your holiday.

My DH is a snorer too and has been in the spare room since November. He hasn’t sought advice or help from his GP, but I’ll no longer tolerate him next to me as it makes the days so difficult to get through. Has your DH tried to help himself in anyway, OP?

Definitely get him to see his GP.

I don’t holiday with my partner unless it’s separate rooms or apartments. I don’t sleep well anyway but if we shared a room I wouldn’t get any sleep.

I guess your DH has a few weeks to sort out his snoring (GP, mouth guard, tennis ball, sleep clinic) or he'll be left at home!!!

I used to have some horrific holidays without sleep until I bought a musicozy headband. With silicon earplugs and the headband over the top playing white noise I don’t hear a damn thing, and my husband snores like a wild boar.

I voted YABU, because it will be sleep apnea and it has a massive affect on his body, heart, stroke risk etc. Him going with you all, should be a condition of him getting treatment. It can take months for a referal to go through so he needs a GP appointment ASAP, or a online consultation.

If he’s the problem - why are you on the camp bed?!

I wouldn’t cancel a holiday however he does need to make efforts to have it sorted.
If it is so bad then needs a doctors appointment and he needs to look into medical options to treat it.
In the meantime you could also try ear plugs to try to reduce the negative effects it is having in you and your sleep.

Have you tried anything other than ear plugs?

My DH is a horrific snorer. He’s been to the Dr, had tests etc. One doctor said it was due to a dust mite allergy, spent thousands on some fancy medicine that wasn’t available on the NHS to ‘cure’ him. Didn’t work. This has been going on years, so unless you’re never going to go away again ever you potentially need to start finding a solution that can at least get you through a fortnight away.

When we go away my DH wears a mouthguard and a nasal passage separator. I wear earplugs and a sleep headband that plays white noise. It doesn’t stop the snoring completely but I can at least get enough sleep to survive a holiday.

He needs to speak to his GP ASAP! Sleep apnoea can be deadly!

I put up with DH's snoring for years, I wore ear plugs, filmed him and would bump him when he stopped breathing and had massive, pauses.

In the end, I completed the epworth score (below) from what I'd seen and sent to to DH's GP for a consultation. He had a telephone appointment, then eventually one with a respiratory surgeon. Equipment was sent out, so he never needed to go to a sleep clinic. He now has a CPAP machine. He lost 10kg, the machine is almost silent and he doesn't nap in the day. On the very rare occasion he has napped, he no longer snores and hopes to get off the machine very soon.

I, however, am still trying to wean myself off wearing ear plugs- something I have done for over 10yrs!

https://www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale

Get dome decent noise blocking ear plugs like Bolsen which you can get customised to fit if you can find a supplier near you £26 plus £12 fitting fee. They block snoring but not fire alarms. You can try them out before you go. Ordinary ear plugs won't block anything. Also a small piece of jaffa tape over your DHs mouth also helps to stop the snoring. Just a small piece not the whole mouth. That works quite well.

You have no idea it’s sleep apnoea.

YANBU at all. Sharing a room with a snorer is the closest I've ever come to actual murder I think.
He needs to be inconvenienced to seek help, obviously doesn't give a shit about you to carry on as is which is a separate issue.

Has he actually made the effort to do anything about his snoring? If it's a no, that's beyond selfish. I don't blame people for snoring (DH does) but I would expect them to try to find a possible solution. It's utter torture sleeping with a snorer. Why on earth are you the one on the spare bed?!!!

Sorry if I’ve missed something. Where do you and he sleep at home?

My DH snores sometimes but I've become immune to it....so can happily sleep through it. The DC found it hard to sleep on holiday though in our partitioned room though. We are getting an apartment on our next holiday

I wouldn't go on that holiday in your circumstances...can you get a villa instead or an air BnB or something?

And honestly if you're going to sleep in separate rooms, at least get yourself a proper bed op.

My husband snored before he lost a lot of weight, and when we went away, I would wear ear plugs and one of those soft sleep bands with headphones in with white noise up high. It works really well: I went away for a weekend recently and shared a room with 3 snorers and didn’t hear a thing!

This sort of thing https://amzn.eu/d/dqCFda3

Oh snap @bigknitblanket! They really are magic.

I don't know how you live like that

It's a basic condition of my relationship with DH that we sleep in the same bed most of the time. If that was impossible because of something he could seek medical advice for then it'd be the end of our relationship.

For me it would be a much bigger issue than just a holiday. Leave him at home, don't cancel it. Enjoy some time with the kids.