Friend ok with Husband having sex with prostitutes.

[Concernedchilli]

Backstory is friend and her husband have been together for 30ish years, they are both late 40s with 3 young children. Wife hasn't been interested in sex since first child was born roughly 11 years ago and think things have been a bit strained between them.

She's reasonably private only drops a few things into conversation about this here and there over the years. I've recently found out (not through friend herself) that she has said to her husband that she is fine with him sleeping with prostitutes.

He travels for work to a lot of UK cities for sales so assume this would be easy for him to do and not bring it to her doorstep.

I feel a bit strange about it, we spend a fair bit of time them as a couple and as families with young children, and i know her family very well and am friends with her brothers wife now knowing this information has made me look at them both a bit differently. Aibu?

Gross

Well it’s their business not yours. But I wouldn’t be friends with a man who buys women

Each to their own. At least he's being honest about it...

Obv the arrangement suits at least one of them

It’s not really any of your business tbh , it wouldn’t work for me , but appears to be for them so I’d say crack on !

Fucking gross. Bet the prostitutes aren’t late 40s.. imagine being okay with your husband fucking a 20 year old. 🤮🤮

My friend’s ex wife was similar. Not sex workers but she said she was fine if he had sex with other women. As long as he was discreet.

He chose to end the marriage instead.

Some people want to keep the marriage but don’t want to have sex. So this is their compromise.

This is their marriage though. And how they choose to maintain it is up to them.

How do you know it's true? ( I mean the bit where the wife is happy to go along with it). Might be wishful thinking on his part. Pretty grim, though. I agree with *ToKittyornottoKitty *I wouldn't want to be friends with a man who buys ( probably trafficked) women.

Sorry OP, but this is absolutely none of your business.

Yuck. Hard to get past this, I’d find myself not wanting to spend time with them. Crappy solution to a difficult issue.

It’s not your business to feel anything about really.

i bet your friend would feel mortified that she’s gossip bait, classy

On every thread here, whenever a spouse complains about sexless marriage the first advice is - ‘Ask your partner for an Open Marriage’….
This is what we have here. And, second hand at best - as OP didn't hear it from the person herself. Who knows what has been said, and whether the man in question even acts up on it.

But - we do know it’s a 30years long relationship with 3 small children, where one spouse does not want to have sex, but wants to stay married.

So - OP - you can of course have your opinion on it all - its human. But their sex life is none of your business. And you don’t really know what is happening or not.

I have a friend who didn't want to have sex with her husband anymore. He's a lovely man but she just lost interest in sex. She wanted to stay in the marriage and she understood he had sexual needs. She practically begged him to either sleep with prostitutes or have an affair! As far as I know he didn't but I can imagine this set up is more common than we imagine.

I wouldn’t want be friends with them. They both think it’s ok to pay women for sex. Disgusting.

This is how I feel.

If you’re sure it’s true, I would distance myself from them. I couldn’t be around anyone that thought using women in this way is ok.

I mean each to their own, but that’s disgusting.

I couldn’t live with a man who thought women could be bought like meat.

Open marriage usually means finding someone a similar age who mutually wants sex too.. prostitution is a whole other thing.

Unless she’s told you herself you’re judging her on a bit of gossip.

Why is she telling you and what's the end point for them? Does this go on forever or until they divorce or do they intend to segue back into a physical relationship?

It’s up to them what they do in private, but it’s also up to you whether you spend your time with them.

It's up to her to tell the world about it not you.

That's the thing I'm curious about. All those saying no to Prostitutes, what are the 'realistic alternatives?

• Prostitutes are grim. Trafficking, health risks...

• Dating/OLD/affair means you're risking feelings

I guess she prefers it over splitting up or having sex herself

I think it’s definitely more common than we think. Maybe not with sex workers but definitely turning a blind eye to “dalliances” as long as he comes home each night.