Friend ok with Husband having sex with prostitutes.

[Concernedchilli]

Backstory is friend and her husband have been together for 30ish years, they are both late 40s with 3 young children. Wife hasn't been interested in sex since first child was born roughly 11 years ago and think things have been a bit strained between them.

She's reasonably private only drops a few things into conversation about this here and there over the years. I've recently found out (not through friend herself) that she has said to her husband that she is fine with him sleeping with prostitutes.

He travels for work to a lot of UK cities for sales so assume this would be easy for him to do and not bring it to her doorstep.

I feel a bit strange about it, we spend a fair bit of time them as a couple and as families with young children, and i know her family very well and am friends with her brothers wife now knowing this information has made me look at them both a bit differently. Aibu?

Yes I can. Because if consent can't be bought, or paying someone to do an unpleasant service is akin to buying them, it would be unethical to do even if it's a necessary medical procedure.

As a society we understand that actually buying humans - or human parts - is wrong, which is why necessary or not, you can't buy a kidney.

Sex is a service. As long as the provider sells it consensually, there is no issue with buying it.

Literally

How did they have 2nd and 3rd children if that’s the case ?

Masturbation.
Divorce.
Agreement as to a certain amount of sex within the marriage.
Marriage counseling..
Abstinence.
Taking up embroidery or kangaroo boxing.

The possibilities are endless.

You haven’t found out anything. Someone else told you something… essentially this is gossip. At this point you don’t know anything. Also even if this is an arrangement - until your friend shares to you directly how she feels, you still don’t know anything. So, leave it alone and to the pal that shared this with you - I’d ask her / tell her you’re not comfortable with her sharing this.

nothing to do with you.

the arrangement clearly suits them both.

The OP's update about the DH sharing this story and grubby details with his pals is abhorrent. He has no respect for his wife, and she should know this.

'Take care of your need for sex in any way that does not threaten our marriage.'

Once a third or more persons are brought into a marriage, it is doomed. There are Sti/Std(s) that can be passed on via skin to skin contact. So he could use a condom but that doesn't mean all is safe and well.

Missed that bit, apols. Sounds like it's round the whole village even the youths via the husband though which I think is shitty of him even if they have got an agreement.

They are available if those couples go and speak to them.

Honestly I genuinely think both have enough examples of men seeing women just as a sock.

Sex work or men using OLD.

A lot of people assume paying for sex means not seeing a woman as a person and not paying means you do and I never het that. It’s over simplification. Plenty of men see hookups as just about getting a free sex worker and act like that.

The reason why I ended my brief foray into the world of casual sex is that I realised discussed with FSSW friends, the only difference between my experiences and theirs was I was not paid. So I stopped.

I think people look at open marriages but not with sex workers as the more palatable option but ignore the huge emotional fall out that can occur.

I guess if the wife is not having sex with him ever again it’s not her concern.

The problem is you don't know if they are consensually providing a service or they're being trafficked.

I've yet to hear of NHS staff being trafficked into their job.

One presumes sex. But now the kids are here no need for anymore sex.

Use independents, not agency.

Again, how do you know? Because they say they're independent and therefore it's their own free will? They're hardly going to tell you otherwise. How do you know there isn't someone forcing them from behind the scenes, whether a pimp or a boyfriend. Most people wouldn't choose to have sex with someone they're not attracted to. And someone who thinks their body can be used by others who couldn't care less if they're entering said body and wouldn't be doing it unless they were getting paid.

Genuine question as I struggle to understand the thought process.

Your nephew had no business screenshotting and showing you the messages. You still don’t have a clue whether your friend really is OK with this.

If you don’t want to see your friend’s unpleasant husband, don’t. If you don’t want to see your friend either, also don’t; you’re an adult and you can choose who to socialise with (or not) for any reason you like.

I’m amused that you say you don’t like gossip, given that as soon as you heard some, you couldn’t wait to rush to Mumsnet to tell everyone about it, like a Daily Mail article entitled BAN THIS SICK FILTH which then goes on to describe the sick filth in detail over two pages. It’s not like you actually wanted advice as you’d clearly already made up your mind what you think about it; you just wanted to gleefully tell everyone you know a scandal.

How is cycling is outing but this convoluted, highly detailed machination is not?

Plus most who get into that even if they aren’t trafficked, have a childhood/history of sexual abuse, drug use etc
that poster sounds like a punter.

Well if she doesn't want sex any more, they either end the marriage or he gets it else where. A sex worker is better than someone who's looking for a relationship, because they won't fall in love and it will be discreet. Honestly it's none of your business.

People have sex with people for all kinds of reasons and don’t necessarily need to find the person attractive to do it. There any number of reasons people choose to have sex and I don’t think “because I find them attractive” is a superior one.

It’s your choice who you socialise with. You don’t need permission.

Some of these blokes need to be returned to the sex board. Mumsnet, please take them back.

Behind the wonder-gymnastic you applauded at the Olympics there might have been abusive parents who literally starve her and force her to practice hours on end. The nail salon you go to might have a trafficked far-eastern lady giving you a manicure. That dress you're wearing could have been made by an 8 year old on tuppence a day.

I guess most people navigate the world with what they deem reasonable enough care and consideration. You just can't ever be absolutely positive there isn't anyone whose services you use, that isn't enslaved.