To think I can hide a pregnancy until 20 weeks

[Cococococonut]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, it’s my second DC. For complicated reasons relating to the timing, I’d really rather not tell my employer until at least 20 weeks.

AIBU to think this is achievable?

If so, does anyone have tips on how? What do you do if your colleagues guess?

Also I am very slim, so no need for you to necessarily be on the larger side

It's certainly possible. I didn't look visibly pregnant until I was 6+ months!

Should add, I was on the smaller size, 8, and still wearing regular size 8 well into the preg. Bump measured smaller than it should to dates throughout but perfectly size on scans and normal weight on arrival.

I’m slim (size 8) and told my employer after my 20 week scan. Loose tops and / or a cardigan / jacket can hide a bump

I guess as long as you don't mind risking looking purposely dishonest. I also wonder if you only gi in once a week changes will be more noticeable, things are less obvious when you see someone every day. You'll probably need to gauge it. Someone guessed I was pregnant at 4 weeks! So you never know.

I was slim for a long time with my second. I think it just depends on you, your body shape and the actual pregnancy.

Nice

I’ve managed to hide it well past that with each pregnancy. I only told my boss at 28 weeks and 24 weeks for the 2nd and 3rd and they were genuinely surprised. It depends on if you can wear loose clothes or not. I was definitely showing before then too and am very slim.

Yeah, with my youngest multiple coworkers caught me running to the ladies' room to throw up pretty early on. There was really no keeping it a secret after that.

No-one but my DH knew I was pregnant with DC3 until 20 weeks (for a variety of reaons). DC1 & DC2 who were teenagers didn't realise either.

I wore floaty blouses & jackets to work already so it wasn't any different.

I was working full time in an office & throwing up about 10 times a day for 8 months & still managed to hide it.

I mean a twisted ankle would keep you out for the office for a few weeks

With number 3 I didn't say until 34 weeks. It was a part-time position that I knew i wouldn't be returning to and didn't need any adjustments. I viewed it the same as handing in my notice.
I was a size ten and never showed with any of my pregnancies so knew it would be easy. Years earlier I married at thirty weeks in a fitted gown. You cannot see any bump. My DM and Dsis were the same. At 20 weeks my DIL couldn't have hidden it.

It really depends, I was huge at 20 weeks and couldn't hide it from any one. Not to mention the HG and PGP. You might get lucky but factoring in that things might happen which may make it impossible to hide would be a good idea.

Depends how sick you are!

Girl I work with thought she'd hidden her first pregnancy, but everyone had guessed by the time are went public about 25 weeks.

My first I didn’t look pregnant until around twenty weeks. Second was 15/16 weeks . My third someone realised at 11 weeks!!

I didn't tell work until 24 weeks with number 2 I am sure some people guessed but very few people will ask directly.....

It depends. I was thin so had a very noticeable bump I couldn't put down to bloating, but my friend managed to hide it quite successfully with loose clothing, large coats and well placed shawls (though not everyone is a shawl person!).

I hope it all goes well for you.

It depends on how prominent your bump is. Everyone at work guessed I was pregnant before I'd even had my first scan I was bloody huge 😅

I did this with my first. It was winter time though which did help as I could wear lots of layers of clothes and a big coat. I was amazed I got away with it so long but people are often not as observant as you might think.

Don't underestimate the strategy of concealing your bump by standing behind things or holding things in front of it. E.g. stay sitting behind your desk when your manager comes in for a chat, have a small cushion which to sit on in meetings and hold it in front of you when standing up. I remember reading about a soap opera character who concealed her whole pregnancy on screen by dong things like this. They’d only film her standing behind a wall or car or holding bags of shopping out in front of her, etc.

I was 7 months before I had to tell people as it wasn’t obvious until then. I told some friends at over 20 weeks and they hadn’t realised either. I was size 8/10 at the time, just didn’t show much at all.

This is actually a reason why you SHOULD tell them.

If they suspect you're pregnant but you haven't disclosed, then they decide not to promote/keep you, you have no evidence it's because of your pregnancy and they can deny all knowledge.

Pregnancy is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010. If they treat you unfairly or differently because you are pregnant, that is discrimination, and they should know that. You should still get your job.

Depends on how you carry the baby and as you mention being slim, then it might be more noticeable.

To be honest most people are polite and wouldn't mention it to your face, but be aware they might be speculating behind your back.
There was someone at my workplace who I was definitely wondering about who didn't want to say til 20 weeks. It was getting fairly obvious and I was so glad when another colleague mentioned it and then said about it being the worse kept secret as everyone knew and it was very obvious she had a bump.

I tried to but everyone knew. Reason was because I had a loss previously quite late and I just didn’t feel like sharing it. By around 18 weeks it was very obvious. I’m sure if you wear loose clothing you could prob get away with it. Who is to say you just haven’t gained weight ? No one said anything to me but when I said it everyone said they had guessed weeks ago.

Play it by ear. Sadly some pregnancies end in the first few weeks anyway, and if yours is successful, you just don’t know how it’ll go. You may start to feel too sick to hide it, you may balloon (I looked full term by 20 wks with my second), or you may have complications that mean you feel you need to tell them.

Just wait and see.

It’s probably person dependant and how soon you show but I did it. They were doing a round of redundancies when I was pregnant and I thought it safer if they didn’t know. I hid it until 22 weeks when I got the letter to say I was not being made redundant. I was very slim but luckily had a tiny bump. I just didn’t wear anything tight or figure hugging. Get some floaty dresses and hope for a bump that doesn’t show until later in the pregnancy

You won’t know how you will look at 20 weeks until much nearer the time

Your employer can’t (in theory) discriminate against you because you are pregnant, so they can’t rescind the offer of a permanent role on this basis.

The issue is that if your employer correctly guesses that you are pregnant and takes action on that guess then there’s nothing you can do - you can’t raise a grievance of pregnancy discrimination when you haven’t actually officially told them you are pregnant. Whereas, in my experience, a lot of employers are quite careful not to do anything discriminatory once they find out a women is pregnant

Also, is it going to be obvious why you waited so long to tell them and is that going to lead to bad feelings with your employer?