To think I can hide a pregnancy until 20 weeks

[Cococococonut]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, it’s my second DC. For complicated reasons relating to the timing, I’d really rather not tell my employer until at least 20 weeks.

AIBU to think this is achievable?

If so, does anyone have tips on how? What do you do if your colleagues guess?

I hid mine until 38 weeks 😅

It’s the fuller face and bigger breasts which tend to give it a way

I did for at least 6 months and I was big

I managed to hide my pregnancy until I was 30 weeks from a lot of people but it was winter and I hid behind big cardigans and jumpers. Trickier in the summer

I was size 8 when I got pregnant, both times, and I didn't really have a noticeable bump till I was around 20 weeks, and nothing I couldn't hide in a baggy top. At an NCT coffee morning one woman openly says I couldn't possibly be as pregnant as I said because my bump was too small! We all carry babies differently.

I have a petite slim friend (about 5’3” and size 10) who concealed her 3 pregnancies until almost 6 months each time.

I could just about get away with it at 20 weeks with DC1, no way with DC 2 even though I ended up putting on less weight and having a smaller baby.
(I'm petite- less than 5ft and size 8. I looked very obviously pregnant when I'd put on 8 or 9lb. A friend who is much taller and probably size 14 put on 1.5 stone and you couldn't tell she was pregnant at all)

I think it depends on how you carry, my second pregnancy I had twins and could have hidden it until then. A friend that was pregnant with her second at the same time couldn't have hidden it even at 12 weeks..

Not everyone gets that by any stretch.

First time i had no “bump” until 28 weeks. Could wear my own clothes until 34 weeks.

2nd time i had an obvious (but small) bump by 20 weeks & in maternity clothes a few weeks later so you may or may not be able to hide it but it’s not impossible (i’m short & a size 8)

I struggled with this, but my
job sounds very different to yours. If you’re only in the office one day a week, it
may be easier to hide. I’m a primary teacher and was sick as a dog until 16 weeks. I had blood shot eyes from the pressure of being sick so much, I looked terrible, and had to constantly dash out of class to vomit. There was no way I could hide it. I told my employer pretty much straight away, and the rest of my colleagues at 10 weeks as I’d heard whispers that people were guessing anyway, and I’d rather the news came from me than a rumour.

I think that what this thread proves is that we're all completely different!
🤣

I hid no 3 until 21 weeks. I did only go on the office once a week altho I did have a big presentation around 16 weeks - wore a baggy dress and big jacket.

i was a fair size as baby was 9lb and I’m only five foot but just wore baggy clothes.

I work in a hospital, left work on Al before maternity at 32 weeks and all the nurses and other staff members didn't know I was pregnant until I posted her arrival on fb, and I was slim only 9st 9lb, so it can be done.

Is it an issue if someone just suspects, eg your contract won't be extended, or is it a problem only if they definately know?

If it's the former, you should start to wear looser clothes and waterfall cardigans now, before youb need to as a PP suggested.

If you're showing too much to risk it near the end, you could have a few sick days to avoid going into the office. The sickness can turn out to be the baby you didn't know you were expecting.

I was very sick in my last pregnancy and told my manager early but this time so far I don’t have any symptoms, feel completely normal besides the tiredness.

If someone suspects I guess that’s ok but I’m actually quite close to my colleagues and would normally be pretty open about this so I’m unsure how I react or where I stand if they ask me upfront!

@Cococococonut legally your pregnancy should not have any impact on your employment or potential for promotion, however it’s not unheard of for employers to try to get round this and it can be difficult to prove if you need to take action. Hopefully you can enquire about making the contract permanent sooner, via email for paper trail purposes and possibly get some written confirmation that this is the intention. It would then be very difficult for them to withdraw after learning of your pregnancy.

You don’t legally have to disclose until 15 weeks prior to your due date so potentially you could be 25weeks before telling them. They can’t really ask you if you’re pregnant but if they suspect they can enquire if you might be in need of additional support for any reason, in this instance you’d just have to hold your nerve and say no.

As for colleagues, nothing much you can do about office gossip. If you have someone you trust/are close to you could share info with them if it became hard to hide and utilise them to shut down speculation when you aren’t around. You’d hope in 2025 people wouldn’t be so insensitive as to speculate about this type of thing but people are often thoughtless.

www.acas.org.uk/managing-your-employees-maternity-leave-and-pay

I would also say to try and get something about your position being made permanent in writing - even if it’s just an email.
Good luck op!

I did with my second, had a loose cardigan and a scarf that draped down with it and no one knew, didn't announce until around 22 weeks

I was so much bigger with my second, I got outed at work when I was about 11 weeks. I had lost the first baby weight and was quite slim though (not any more sadly)

I got to 36 weeks and a patient asked if they would be seeing me for their appointment the following week, I said they wouldn’t as I’d be off on maternity leave. They hadn’t twigged that I was even pregnant 🤣 scrubs are very forgiving.

I was over a stone lighter when I was admitted for induction than I was when I fell pregnant (sickness and food aversions!) but developed awful stretch marks in the last two weeks of pregnancy as I had too much amniotic fluid towards the end and my bump became enormous almost overnight.

DC6 I didnt tell anyone until 26 weeks but I was size 20 so was easier to hide. I would suggest that professionally you have a conversation about the job, ask for an email of the meeting minutes and then if you have no choice but to tell them and their attitude changes, you have proof of discrimination.

Summer clothes will make it trickier. You could plan your summer holiday for September?

I did this! Definitely possible, however it was helped by the fact that I carried very small/compact and because I usually wear baggy tops so doing so to hide the bump didn't raise any suspicion.