to worry my DD might be a narcissist?

[Roxietrees]

Ok so maybe this is a bit of a leap but I’m genuinely worried. My DD is only 4.5 and I know they haven’t developed empathy yet at that age but I know she can be sweet and loving to me and to our cat, hence why this reaction surprised me - So we found a dead baby mouse that the cat had killed (its body was completely intact) and it was so small and sweet. I said to DD aw it’s sad isn’t it? She laughed and said no it’s not it’s funny. Then she asked me if she could pick it up! (Using gloves). I remember being her age and finding cute tiny mice & shrews my cat had killed and genuinely feeling sad for them- don’t remember it ever being something I laughed at. AIBU to think this is a totally abnormal reaction and possibly indicates some troubling behavioural problems or, (hope to fuck not!) narcissism? Or was it more likely she was looking for a reaction/attention-seeking by reacting in a way she knew I’d be shocked by? Or am I just an over-sensitive animal lover and she just isn’t??

She is 4.5 yo.
Don’t label your child!

All small children are narcissists. It’s an appropriate developmental stage.

it’s only diagnosed in adults where it is not appropriate.

My 4 year old boy asks to pick up a dead mouse the cat brought in. More out of fascination rather than funny! I think you have read too much into it! She’s 4!!!!

My son found death more fascinating than upsetting at this age. As he got older, he was more worried about something happening to me, or his dad. I think your DD is too young for you to make a call on something like that. There could be a number of reasons why she has a different reaction to what you’d expect.

The best that you can do is be a good role model and explain things to your DD, to help her understand situations while she is so young.

She’s possibly just got a different thought process- so she’s intrigued by it or thinking it’s a nature thing eg cats are known to go after mice. I’d watch the same as you’d watch her if you weren’t worried

You are being completely ridiculous.
She is 4. She doesn't understand the concept of death like an adult. Many inexplicable things are funny to 4 year old.
My own absolutely adorable, loving, sweet 4 year old told me once that she liked my necklace, and then followed it with "and when you're dead I can have it". I was 😳😳.

Bit of a bungee jump, yeah. She's four!

I don't think I would have wanted to pick up the dead body of a mouse at four to look at it. But then, I don't think I would have found it "so small and sweet" and cried over it either. I probably would have been freaked out and wanted it away from me! People react differently to these things, and a four year old's reaction to most things might seem completely off the wall to an adult. Kids are nuts.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I remember my friend, age 10, picking up a murdered shrew in the garden and coolly trying to establish cause of death, while I looked on in horror (she wasn’t a narcissist, she was very nice and is now a nurse).

I suspect your 4 year old just doesn’t understand death yet.

She’s probably amused by the cat in a “naughty cat” sort of way.
You are reading much too much into it.

ASD

Hi OP, sorry I didn’t actually mean to press YANBU! Can’t see how to undo it so didn’t want to click and run.

I think she’s still very young and the idea of death is something that she might not quite grasp just yet. I’ve found children can be very matter of fact about it. It takes time for them to learn empathy. Her reaction isn’t ideal but I wouldn’t worry just yet.

That’s a bold assumption. She’s only 4.

To be fair, my DD was diagnosed at 4. This is after spending 2 years on the waiting list after a year spent at all the other appointments prior to joining the waiting list. ASD can be detected from around 18 months. In some cases even earlier than that.

Not just bold, absolutely ridiculous and completely bonkers!

Yes, but not because a child doesn't show the exact expression of empathy the mother considers desireable!

I was like your daughter, I didn't really feel sadness around death until after puberty and when I was young, I laughed at lots of inappropriate things (e.g. when my dad told me my auntie had died when I was about 5), although this was through awkwardness not genuinely finding it funny. After puberty I developed empathy and emotions appropriate to situations e.g. I still get a lump in my throat recalling scenes from Schindler's List, I cry from emotion at funerals etc.

I did love animals as a kid and enjoyed caring for them (I had two much loved pet rats) but when they died I never felt anything! By comparison, aged 24 I cried at my pet mouse dying.

I do suspect I have some sort of high functioning ASD or at least strong traits (only mentioning as a PP said ASD), but I think your daughter is probably fine!

She's 4.5.

Projecting your fears onto her and throwing around very serious terms is both ridiculous and potentially harmful.

Stop it, just parent sensibly and see a GP for any genuine concerns.

I remember being her age and finding cute tiny mice & shrews my cat had killed and genuinely feeling sad for them also you remember almost nothing of your thoughts at 4.5.

I think the most strange thing is you have taken one seemingly small single episode and completely allowed it to define how you see your daughter. Bizarre.

She’s 4.5. Her reaction doesn’t mean she’s a narcissist at all.

her reaction is fine and normal. She might just not have the emotional intelligence at her age to completely understand it and that’s ok.

If you're an over-sensitive animal lover, why do you keep a mouse-killer as a pet? Aren't you being a bit hypocritical? Your cat kills birds too. And quite possibly frogs. I think your tears over the baby mouse are 🐊 ones.

I think a narcissist would make the finding of dead mouse all about her, eg how she was particularly sensitive. A psycopath might laugh.

My 5 year old is very into death at the moment - I think it’s partly because of Easter. He popped up on a video call with my DM earlier to ask if her father (DS’ great grandfather) was dead yet. He is very much not.

No she is 4 and you aren’t

She doesn’t really understand what death is

This is high level overthinking from you OP

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