to worry my DD might be a narcissist?

[Roxietrees]

Ok so maybe this is a bit of a leap but I’m genuinely worried. My DD is only 4.5 and I know they haven’t developed empathy yet at that age but I know she can be sweet and loving to me and to our cat, hence why this reaction surprised me - So we found a dead baby mouse that the cat had killed (its body was completely intact) and it was so small and sweet. I said to DD aw it’s sad isn’t it? She laughed and said no it’s not it’s funny. Then she asked me if she could pick it up! (Using gloves). I remember being her age and finding cute tiny mice & shrews my cat had killed and genuinely feeling sad for them- don’t remember it ever being something I laughed at. AIBU to think this is a totally abnormal reaction and possibly indicates some troubling behavioural problems or, (hope to fuck not!) narcissism? Or was it more likely she was looking for a reaction/attention-seeking by reacting in a way she knew I’d be shocked by? Or am I just an over-sensitive animal lover and she just isn’t??

An "over-sensitive animal lover" maybe?

OP, do you have narcissistic tendencies yourself?

Narcissism?? How the fuck do you make that leap? Maybe she has dementia. Or maybe she is just 4.

💯

You can easily change your vote.
.

I was obsessed with death and dead things at that age (my mother still talks about it). I once tried to bring a dead bird into the house because I wanted to keep it. Once I overheard someone saying there was a dead snake at the end of the street so I went down to go poke it with a stick. I wasn’t in the least bit sad or upset even though I genuinely did love animals.

Happily, I don’t think I’ve grown up to be a narcissist (at least I hope not), and am definitely not a sociopath or psychopath (again, I think my mother did worry that my
obsession might one day turn into killing or torturing animals - it never did though, I was just a bit of an odd child).

I also laughed hysterically when my grandfather died and didn’t cry for several weeks. I still don’t fully understand why I did as I loved him deeply. I think kids can just be weird sometimes.

I'm more interested in what you said to her about the initial reaction?
Hopefully, 'no, it's not funny, all life is sacred etc etc'.
I suppose it all depends on how much of nature she's seen. If it's not a lot, then maybe she's too young to process it.
It's up to you to teach her, educate her.

She's 4. She probably doesn't even fully understand death.

And also empathy for people and possibly pets is a thing. Empathy for a rodent isn't, especially since a pet cat that brings in live mice is more of a problem and as an adult empathy would be the last thing on the adults mind.

As regards it being 'funny', that is a slightly different response to the average adult but I don't think it signifies much at that age

A Narcissist is obsessed with themselves.
I think you meant to say a Sociopath? Who lacks empathy.
And that’s hard to judge from one incident at such a young age…

I guess it depends on where you live, how often you go out for walks in the countryside and if you have pets. You have to nurture young minds.

I am not for one minute thinking she's a future psychopath, OP started it, lol.

Its not normal for a parent to think their young child is a narcissist. Do you have mental health problems?

😂

Calm down. You have nothing to worry about.

I'd let your cat's feelings be the guide here. If the cat is upset, your DD should be coached to adjust her behaviour accordingly to avoid potential interspecies offence. If the cat is OK with it, though, it's probably fine - you and your daughter probably just have an intraspecies difference of opinion.

@OldCottageGreenhouse out of interest what where the symptoms that led your DC to be diagnosed with ASD? This isn’t an isolated incident with my DD. More the cherry on the cake. I was just curious about this particular incident

My son was diagnosed at three but by actual professionals not by some random poster on mumsnet based on absolutley nothing.

What? In the nicest possible way, you are completely bonkers!!

She's 4.5!!

She laughed at a dead mouse and you think she's a narcissist!!! 🤣🤣

Are you all vegetarians?.or does she see dead fish and pigs and chickens on her lunch plate everyday??? Why should she suddenly have empathy for a dead mouse but not the chicken she's just eaten?? I guess if you are vegans it makes a tiny bit more sense...

I remember at that age my son and his friends putting random insects in their mouths and being fascinated by dead birds or whatever we saw on walks etc..!! He's a teen now and very sweet and a normal!

Please don't call your 4 year old a narcissist!!

Mumsnet is obsessed with labelling everyone a narcissist but I didn't think a 4 year old would be awarded this label!!

Please don’t be so quick to diagnose your small child with something based on a lack of understanding of child development.
This will ultimately be the most harmful thing you can do for your child. If you want your child to develop certain qualities like caring for all living creatures you need to model them to her consistently over many years until it becomes a habit.

Oh god! There's nothing wrong with her

Why or why is everyone obsessed with trying to label normal childhood behaviour. 🤷

I think kids are just interested in stuff. Any new experience is worth exploring.

On holiday once we found a dead snake. Every day of that holiday we stopped by Mr Snakey to observe how the local ants were filing back and forth to it and how the body became a snake skeleton with some leftover skin in the space of a week. Fascinating.

Had it been one of guinea pigs they would have been devastated but this was science.

Suggesting a 4-year-old child is a narcissist is pretty messed up, OP. Narcissism is only diagnosed in adulthood and generally results from significant childhood trauma.

Did you ask her WHY she found it funny? Rather than trying to diagnose her with a personality disorder?

Exactly this. A narcissist is someone who doesn’t ever grow up into an adult and still has the emotions and behaviour of a small child. That’s why it’s a disorder.

Its not a disorder when the person displaying the behaviour is a child.

Are you quite an 'anxious' mother, OP? Do you worry that your DD isn't hitting milestones exactly on time or that her behaviour is very different from her peers? Do you see and mix with lots of other children of the same age quite frequently? Because this behaviour isn't massively outside the norm for others of her age and I'd wonder if you are maybe scrutinising her a little bit too closely and therefore finding things to worry about?