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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate school run and feeling overwhelmed

113 replies

Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:32

I’m really worried and anxious about the school run next week and wondering if anyone could please support me. I’m quiet but I am sociable in that I will say hello and smile at people. I’ve been told I’m bubbly when I confided in someone about my feelings and they dismissed me and basically told me I’m not the problem and these mums are very cliquey and unfriendly. Truthfully I don’t fully believe this is the case. I think they just don’t like me. It’s really awkward as I’ll say hello to them all but it feels like strange as they all wait for each other at the cars then walk in as a group laughing and joking.

there’s a few mums who aren’t part of this group and I’ve invited one over for play date but when I saw her again she was really cold and didn’t even say hi till I said hi first. I’ve also tried arranging play dates with kids my child plays with but I’m met with how busy they are. I recently found out they did a group play date and didn’t invite my child even though they are all friendly, it’s really awkward as it’s only 15 in the class. My child is year 1 and majority of the mothers only met at the school. I feel upset as they all share birthdays, days out and holidays together and I’m really not involved. How shall I behave on Tuesday? Completely blank them or be polite as I usually do. How do I not let them get to me?

OP posts:
Tbrh · 26/04/2025 01:57

MsNevermore · 26/04/2025 01:38

Doesn’t seem to be as much of a thing at my kids school. Also they don’t go to a zoned state school (like how we have catchment areas in the UK), they go to a type of school that’s like a halfway house between public and private and admissions are done via a lottery system - so kids from all over our giant city go there. So it’s not like kids that go to the school live within a few streets of eachother like they did at our tiny village primary in the UK. Play dates with school friends would be a logistical nightmare!
Mine do have play dates but with other kids we know from outside of school that they’ve met through sports clubs in our area of the city etc

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That's really sad

MsNevermore · 26/04/2025 02:23

Tbrh · 26/04/2025 01:57

That's really sad

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Don’t be alarmed 😂
My DC’s have a better social calendar than me and have plenty of friends.
At DD1’s recent birthday party, we had 15 guests all of whom are friends she’s made via sports, group music lessons, kids who she plays with in our neighbourhood practically every day.

Tbrh · 26/04/2025 02:26

MsNevermore · 26/04/2025 02:23

Don’t be alarmed 😂
My DC’s have a better social calendar than me and have plenty of friends.
At DD1’s recent birthday party, we had 15 guests all of whom are friends she’s made via sports, group music lessons, kids who she plays with in our neighbourhood practically every day.

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It's good yours do through other friends, I meant the other kids who might not have that

GardenGreen · 26/04/2025 02:29

Everyone has a different upbringing and confidence levels when making friends. It does not mean that because now you can’t line up a play date, it’s doom and gloom forever.

I think find another gate to walk your kid through or if you must pass these sour-faced women, just a breezy hi is enough.

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 02:38

GardenGreen · 26/04/2025 02:29

Everyone has a different upbringing and confidence levels when making friends. It does not mean that because now you can’t line up a play date, it’s doom and gloom forever.

I think find another gate to walk your kid through or if you must pass these sour-faced women, just a breezy hi is enough.

'Sour faced' or just getting on with their lives like normal people do?

I want at school drop off and pick ups for a reason so I got on with that reason, it wasn't Hollyoaks

GardenGreen · 26/04/2025 02:44

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 02:38

'Sour faced' or just getting on with their lives like normal people do?

I want at school drop off and pick ups for a reason so I got on with that reason, it wasn't Hollyoaks

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I had to google Hollyoaks - I admit I’m not up to date with what’s on trend lol.

hopeishere · 26/04/2025 08:50

You don’t have to do play dates. I hated them. I worked full time so they had to be at the weekend and the last thing I wanted was another child to supervise. I did them very occasionally.

Are you the only one not in the clique? Could you set up an alternate clique?

Bubbletrain · 27/04/2025 20:34

MsNevermore · 25/04/2025 22:13

Get in, get out.

When I was still living in the U.K. I detested this aspect of the school run.
We lived in a small, rural village and the village primary was a lovely school with an outstanding OFSTED rating. Lovely place!
But from what conversation I did have on the playground: majority of the other mums were at least 10 years older than me (I had my DC’s in my very early 20’s). They were all mid-30’s to early 40’s, had been career women before kids. They were all married to blokes with high-earning jobs. They were all very outwardly “put together” - nice outfits, designer shoes, clearly no stranger to a hair salon etc
And then there was me 🫠 mid-20’s, single mum, 2 children attending the school plus a baby, heavily tattooed, skinny jeans with a band t-shirt and Vans was my school run uniform, and I worked in a boozer at the time 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 I stuck out like a sore thumb.
I made one set of good friends - a couple around my age who would alternate school runs. We got on really well. But me and that couple clearly were not welcome in the bigger circle.
I just didn’t care! Clearly these women were not my people, we had nothing in common. My DCs were friends with their’s, my DC’s still got invited to birthday parties etc……but I definitely wasn’t concerned that I wasn’t getting invited to School Mum Brunch 😂🫠

I much prefer the system at my DC’s school here in the US: Carpool loop.
Pull up outside the front doors of the school, say goodbye, kids get out of the car, I drive off. I’ve had zero interaction with any other parents from school for almost an entire school year. It’s blissful. No playground politics!!

My idea of heaven!

User79853257976 · 27/04/2025 20:41

Did your son have a party in early years/reception? Or this year? I think that’s a good way in to at least talking to people.

Avoidingfacebookforabit · 27/04/2025 20:47

Wow ..I'm finding this thread really helpful as I feel the same way. My daughter's only at preschool but I find the drop off overwhelming sometimes and have to come home and comfort eat 😂
I just don't understand why it is has to be so cold and unfriendly, and I actually don't want to change myself and stop smiling at others just to fit in with the crowd and not feel a bumbling fool 🤣😂! So I carry on but I feel a buffoon and this is at the very moment I'm trying to show confidence for my daughter's sake.

The thing is - people can be in cliques all they want - I have enough friends in life and don't need to make any more. I just long to have a smile returned now and again !!!

Thanks OP it's helped me to realise I'm not alone xx

Original poster
Familydyn · 27/04/2025 20:51

@Avoidingfacebookforabit i comfort eat too after drop offs and pick ups! @User79853257976 yes we had a party for him last year

OP posts:
User79853257976 · 27/04/2025 22:21

Familydyn · 27/04/2025 20:51

@Avoidingfacebookforabit i comfort eat too after drop offs and pick ups! @User79853257976 yes we had a party for him last year

Did that group all attend? It does seem strange that they are excluding you and your son.

SlB09 · 03/09/2025 10:00

Same @Familydyn child just gone into yr 3 and I do pleasantries say hi but it's never more than this and I see others having conversations at the gate and think why isn't that me?!! No one's rude or horrible though, just doesn't go past pleasantries, I'm well aware I'm quite invested as we moved here when son started school and I wanted to make friends, it hasn't happened and so I feel a massive sense of rejection. Ridiculous as through the holidays I hadn't given this a second thought and my self esteem wasn't really an issue, back to school and I'm walking home like 'what's wrong with me'!!! I'm introverted, probably abit socially awkward but pleasant to chat to I would say, but I'm not out there to be the most popular or the best at anything or on the pta and so don't pull people in or have that natural people want to be friends with me vibe. But often these are superficial friendships anyway. I certainly swing between I'm fine with what I've got and feeling shite about myself that I haven't got a hareem of friends through the school run!!

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