To feel embarrassed over DM’s lack of planning

[Plonv]

DM said oh let’s go out to a village 20 miles from here and have a small picnic. I thought she did some research. No she didn’t. This village has no green, park etc. so parents and I had sandwiches on a bench at a bus stop. I felt embarrassed. Then there’s DF with prostate issues who needs to visit the loo. Had to use a tree outside the village.

DM didn’t do any research as places she wanted to visit on the way back were closed due to today being Easter Sunday.

Me too. Surely you can laugh about this? Picnic on a bench and a wild wee on Easter Sunday… isn’t that awful really.

OP I’m another one who genuinely wondered if you were a teenager

• embarrassed by your mum
• no agency
• ”not allowed”

This is not a healthy dynamic if you are a grown woman. Self help books or therapy?

(Your mum sounds fun though! I love an adventure, even when it doesn’t work out.)

Oh for Goodness sake grow up!

Weird thing to get embarrassed about. You're "not allowed to make suggestions"? Are you a child or do you just allow them to treat you like one?

Me and my mum once took my kids to a zoo/widlife place, it was really busy and nowhere really to eat, then we found a fab place, no one else was there, we sat down, got our blanket out, set our picnic up, everyone was giving us very strange looks, we were just glad to have found somewhere. We had our lunch, packed up, then noticed the several large signs, do not bring food and drink into this area!

Now that is embarrassing!

Come on, who hasn't had a wee behind a tree???

I’m 50 and I would tell you to start sticking up for yourself. You will always be a child in your parents’ eyes unless you start to act differently. Just take charge and drive your parents to where you have planned.

I also would like to know your age. If you are 20, then start being a bit more assertive and act like an equal partner to days out. If you are 30+, then just take charge and tell your parents you are planning the next one.

I think some people are bring a bit harsh! I have been in that situation - I am an independent woman but can think of quite a few instances where my DM made plans, which turned out to be really rubbish, but I was made to feel I was the unreasonable one.

It’s her reply about not allowed to make suggestions. I have failed completely with my plans too.

You could have also done some research, I usually look up places I’m invited to that I’m unfamiliar with.

I read DF with "prostitute issues" initially and wondered why you had glossed over this issue.

Told off? Are you 13?

Really?

As other posters have already asked, how old are you?

And you’re also not allowed to make suggestions or use google to come up with alternatives right?

The OP is obviously a young child. You will stop being embarrassed by your parents when you’re older. If you’re too young to stay home alone you just have to go with the flow I’m afraid!

Unless you are a child, then you shouldn't be 'told off' or 'not allowed to make suggestions'.

If you are an adult, then you don't have to go on days out with people if you don't want to.

Are you an adult?

If you are, but still live with your parents, then you need to move out.

Do you live at home ? Are you financially dependent on your mum? Are you not an adult?

I don’t understand why you can’t say no thank you and not jump to attention when she demands something. She has been a dick to your dad (who is presumably her husband) but part of the reason she behaves like this is because you and your dad enable this diva behaviour.

Not sure why eating lunch at a bus stop is embarrassing. I would be laughing about it afterwards and use the “Remember when we ate lunch at a bus stop on Easter Sunday 2025” anecdote for years afterwards. As a person who wasn’t there, it’s a pretty funny image - hope it was at least sunny.

@Plonv

So, what did you learn from this experience?

1-If your mum has a history of 'no advance planning', do it yourself. Ask where she wants to go and check it out yourself. Then either suck it up and go or say "No, thank you".

2-An adult can always make suggestions. Whether they're accepted is another thing. If you'd rather suffer and complain about it later on MN, that's on you.

3-Whinging about something avoidable isn't an attractive trait.

How did you get there? Could you not have eaten in the car? You also knew the place, why didn’t you also check.

I hope there was some cheese savoury sandwiches and some mini eggs.

As Jesus intended.

What age are you

Why are you embarrassed about someone else’s mistakes? It’s on her, not you.

Well then, you need to go and find something else to do on a Bank Holiday weekend rather than meekly accompanying your stubborn mother. Do you live with them?

Not allowed to make suggestions?? What are you, twelve?