That so many AIBU are about no children at weddings?!

[Nomad68]

I’ve only recently been looking at these AIBU threads, and just can’t get over how many relate to dilemmas about children attending weddings.
What on earth is happening that it’s suddenly okay to exclude children from major family events. Surely these are the events that become the big memories for children. Peter Kay describes the joy of being a child skidding on the dance floor.
I know weddings are ultimately up to the bride and groom, but really what has the world come to that younger family members are excluded from these events… just why?

Completely agree.

We specified that we especially welcomed children at our wedding, and had an entertainer for them.

There are countless threads where people are upset about weddings.

Just let the couple do what they want.

We had a very kid inclusive wedding. We didn't have our own kids at the time but obviously we had a fantastic time.

Recently been to a friend's wedding that was no children and me and my husband used it as an opportunity for some child free time and we had an absolute ball.

It's an invitation not a summons.

Probably expense. Given everything in the wedding industry quadruples in cost as soon as the ‘w’ word is mentioned, not inviting children is one obvious way of trimming the bill.

It doesn’t trouble me in the slightest whether couples invite children or not, provided that they are not offended by my non-attendance if this causes inconvenience to me.

Too much expectation is attached to weddings all
round, IMO. Very often they cause far more angst than they are worth.

I have mixed feelings on it and can generally see both sides. I’d guess some reasons might include:
~ these days couples tend to pay for their wedding themselves , or at least a bigger proportion than in the past. Parents of the couple used to have more of a say on the guestlist so would include all the kids of extended relatives that maybe couple aren’t that fussed about

~ wedding costs have gone up, what might have cost the cover of a few sausage rolls at a village hall buffet to feed the child now expensive wedding venues are charging a lot per child

~ social media trends. What might have been more of a family party is now more stylised and glamourous. There was a MN thread about this the other day and some people strongly disagreed on that though

I have young kids so I’m now in the phase of my life where I can’t easily attend child free weddings (son has SEN, don’t feel I can leave him with an agency babysitter) , especially family weddings where my support network are also guests themselves. It’s a shame for me but if that’s what the bride and groom want then that’s fine, as long as they don’t get annoyed when I can’t stay for the evening do or whatever

I think most of them are made up.

Children’s behaviour has got much worse in the last decade or so too. Looking around tow and the supermarket this week during school holidays I have seen many I would not like to have had trashing my wedding.

It was always okay to not invite kids to weddings.
Anyone allowed to throw a party for adults.
The problem is when some people can’t accept their children aren’t wanted somewhere and they lose their shit.

You refer to “major family events” - is your post restricted to children of the family such as niece/nephew of the bride and groom?

I never went to a wedding as a child.

I suppose now weddings have become such a massive industry and expense, rather than a village hall thing, it makes sense to trim the numbers… but what a shame.

I find it odd that the argument always seems to be that weddings are [insert specific idea of a wedding]. Yeah, if you're having a giant tons-of-family party with a disco and you're very close with nieces/nephews/friends' kids, it might be nice to have children included. But weddings can be whatever the couple wants and aren't specifically designated as 'a joining of two families' 'a big family event' 'a celebration with everyone you know' etc - all examples I've seen in this kind of discussion. Our wedding was a legal ceremony followed by a meal at a restaurant we liked - kids aren't notably fans of legal ceremonies or posh restaurants, so it made no sense to me to invite them.

As a kid I absolutely hated getting dragged to cousins' weddings though. Who wants to sit about while their parents talk to aunts and uncles you don't know? So even if we'd had a bigger wedding I probably wouldn't have wanted children there - there aren't many children in our life and the parents of the only ones I'm close enough to have potentially been glad they were there were more than happy to have a childfree night out.

I hate weddings with kids, they tend to be boring. The fun weddings I have been with haven't had kids or the kids have gone before the reception has started, nothing like killing a party atmosphere with kids running around a dance floor.

Maybe if children were better behaved and/or parents were more willing to take out small kids who cry during the service, people would be more willing to include them?

Marriage is a serious, legal commitment, so the ceremony or service should have some dignity. And who wants a load of overtired kids causing chaos on a dance floor, regardless of what Peter Kay says? Let's face it, weddings are boring for children.

(And there were no kids at my wedding, about a million years ago, because at the time none of our friends had become parents yet).

Probably because so many couples insist on expensive venues and don't want to pay for small excitable people to charge around in them. It's very sad.

I think many years ago a lot more people got married younger, meaning friends didn't all have children.
Cost - prices have gone through the roof.

I had a small wedding of around 35 daytime guests, we had our own child attend (11mths old) and 2 nephews and niece. If we'd invited all our friends children that would have meant about another 20 guests making it essentially just a large kids party, which we didn't have space for, couldn't afford and hadn't met some of them.

My first wedding i didn't invite children either apart from our baby nephew who was aged 1mth. Our friends who did have children were more than happy for an adult day out.

No issues at all for either, nobody declined and everyone understood.

I remember not being invited to weddings when I was young 30-35 years ago. It didn’t really bother me. The few I went to I remember being bored.

We had a few children at our wedding. But I did feel very thankful none were under 5. We catered for them and had entertainment for them. We invited all close families children and the bridesmaids and groomsmen’s children. But we didn’t invite most other guests children for numbers. We’re in our 40s. Pretty much every friend we have has multiple children. Our venue held 80. The children we did invite totalled 24! That was over 1/4 of our allowed numbers. Had we invited everyone’s kids it would have been over half!! And we’d have had to cut a load of friends out!

Nieces and nephews of the bride and groom I think are always part of the wedding. After that I can't imagine inviting the children of my other guests. If you have 100 at the wedding 40 could be children which completely changes the dynamics especially when all the parent feck off home at 9 o clock.

I think I am referring to close family members children. For others, going out for an evening do shouldn’t necessarily have to include children. It’s just the explicit rejection of the children that grates. Parents should also be aware that just because they’re invited, it doesn’t automatically include their kids.

This. And they are the exact type of parents who won't take away their child when it's ruining something. Screeching through vows, fingers in the cake, general annoyance for everyone etc. Other people's weddings are not about your kids ffs.

I've been invited to a family wedding in July where children aren't allowed to the second part of the reception. It's difficult, because I am one of the two bridesmaids and all available babysitters will also be at the wedding. My PIL live half way across the world. I think my husband is just going to have to leave with the kids at 5pm.

Yes, this makes sense

Never attended a wedding as a child.

But generally people are getting married later, therefore more friends will have kids, do you invite kids of sone friends or other friends, where do people draw the line?

I didn't have children because I was going to have 20 kids under 5 at a wedding for 100 people, it would have been more like a kids party. Initially my cousins kicked off about it, but they all had a great time (they were the type who can't leave their kids anywhere). I thought I'd change my mind after I had my own kids, but nope, still prefer a childfree wedding.

I can't speak of anyone else's experience, but I don't remember anything about the numerous weddings I attended as a child. I do remember being incredibly bored at them as a teenager. As an adult, I absolutely love them.

My very young children don't seem to have especially cared about weddings I have taken them to either. They do remember kid's parties, zoo visits etc. Not every child particularly cares about weddings but a whole host of adults seem to get offended if a child is not invited.