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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That so many AIBU are about no children at weddings?!

109 replies

Nomad68 · 19/04/2025 22:55

I’ve only recently been looking at these AIBU threads, and just can’t get over how many relate to dilemmas about children attending weddings.
What on earth is happening that it’s suddenly okay to exclude children from major family events. Surely these are the events that become the big memories for children. Peter Kay describes the joy of being a child skidding on the dance floor.
I know weddings are ultimately up to the bride and groom, but really what has the world come to that younger family members are excluded from these events… just why?

OP posts:
Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/04/2025 23:30

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 23:12

I hate weddings with kids, they tend to be boring. The fun weddings I have been with haven't had kids or the kids have gone before the reception has started, nothing like killing a party atmosphere with kids running around a dance floor.

Same. I love my kids more than life itself. But child-free weddings are so much more fun for the parents in terms of less stress, more drinking and dancing and the ability to stay till the last song etc.

warmheartcoldfeet · 19/04/2025 23:35

I went to loads of weddings as a child and it was absolutely brilliant fun.
Loads of great memories.

It's a shame more people don't want weddings to be a whole family and community event anymore.

Nugg · 19/04/2025 23:35

My daughter cannot have children and gets married this September. In their family and friends there are over 20 children and they simply cannot afford to invite them all plus are having a relatively small venue so it’s not practical.
Also it’s quite new news that she can’t have her own children (as a result of endo/surgery) so it’s a bit of a smack in the face I would imagine. Only one person has made a fuss, most relish a child free day and night

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 23:37

warmheartcoldfeet · 19/04/2025 23:35

I went to loads of weddings as a child and it was absolutely brilliant fun.
Loads of great memories.

It's a shame more people don't want weddings to be a whole family and community event anymore.

I know lots of people who have two weddings, basically one to please the family and then one for themselves. I find this sadder that people have this much pressure to not just be able to do what they want.

minnienono · 19/04/2025 23:38

The reason is weddings have stopped being about marriage and have become a major production where the bride is princess for the day and costs more than a new family car!

If couples chose more economical options where there isn’t a per head charge there would not need to be such dilemmas.

Heidi2018 · 19/04/2025 23:39

I know weddings are ultimately up to the bride and groom, but really what has the world come to that younger family members are excluded from these events… just why?

I agree that this site has become inundated with wedding AIBU posts. But I absolutely hate this narrative that couples are looking for an "instagramable wedding" blah blah...
I never attended a wedding as a child or even as a teenager. It is not a tradition followed in either my mother's large family or my father's small family. That was the tradition set long before instagram! We were shipped off to a cousins house or a left with a babysitter, not a second thought given to how "left out" we would feel looking at pictures of the wedding in 5 years time. And guess what, we survived emotionally unscathed!

All of the weddings I've been to, including the ones that had large numbers of children invited, have followed the same structure: long-ish ceremony, alcoholic drinks reception, long sit down meal, lots of alcohol, loud music, drunk dancing. Doesn't matter if the wedding was in a village hall or the most expensive of hotels, that's what has happened. Not exactly a child's paradise.

People have different ideas and different wants and are willing to pay for different things. There's not a one size fits all way to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or even a funeral, so why should a wedding be any different!? And why oh why do people feel so entitled with weddings that they think they get to dictate who's invited!? Blows my minds!!!

TakeMe2Insanity · 19/04/2025 23:42

I think the nature of weddings have changed. They’ve ceased being a joining of two families and are now an extremely expensive party for friends. The type of party that is a one off, that you’ll never do again and in that the obsession with perfection becomes higher.

Communities where weddings are about the couple and the two families coming together, children are still part of the events.

user1471548941 · 19/04/2025 23:42

Our preferred venue was adults only with a few exceptions at the request of the bride and groom. We had my nephew and my cousins breastfed baby, the only children from both sides of the family.

Out of our 70 guests, 20 were a gang of my husbands school friends and partners. If we’d have invited all their children, it would have been 20+ additional kids! Would have completely changed the vibe of the day, we’d have had to change venue and pay for 20+ extra heads as well as consider kids entertainment for them all!

As it turned out, we only lost 1 guest due to our child free decision, the rest were delighted to come and have a proper grown up party with us!

EmmetEmma · 19/04/2025 23:45

I didn’t want kids at my wedding - it wasn’t because it was a ‘major production’ or anything morally dubious. I just didn’t want them there - they are noisy, sometimes badly behaved, parents can sometimes think their children are being adorable when actually they are being annoying as all hell.

I also - and this is the most important part - wanted as many of my friends there as I could have. Every random kid meant one less friend.

Some people ignored me and brought their children, and I didn’t hold it against them. Some people refused to come unless we invited their children, which we (reluctantly) did - and then they didn’t turn up anyway - four more friends who couldn’t be invited.

I have three children who I love, I have been to weddings with them and without them - I have probably enjoyed weddings without them more but I have liked seeing them enjoy themselves at weddings they have been invited to.

But I don’t get why it’s not just up to the bride and groom - it’s not necessarily because of Insta, or whatever superficial reason you’ve assigned to it. Go or don’t go - but let other people
choose what they want even if you think it’s a sad reflection on our non-breeding, morally bankrupt, superficial times

XenoBitch · 19/04/2025 23:45

Ha, I know the Peter Kay thing about being the kid skidding on the dance floor too. But that is the evening do. They are more fun. No photoshoots, no formal meals. Just a disco basically.

The day stuff is fucking boring enough for adults. A two hour break of fuck all except the bride and groom off taking photos.

Ladamesansmerci · 19/04/2025 23:51

I personally think weddings are about joining families, and children are part of families. I find it very odd when people don't want their own niece's and nephews at weddings.

Obviously you wouldn't invite every child of every friend, but I think it's rude when people don't invite immediate family who are children (assuming you are close ofc)

EmmetEmma · 19/04/2025 23:59

Why @Ladamesansmerci - small children particularly probably won’t enjoy it

And weddings aren’t about joining families - they are about the bride and groom getting married

Heidi2018 · 20/04/2025 00:01

EmmetEmma · 19/04/2025 23:59

Why @Ladamesansmerci - small children particularly probably won’t enjoy it

And weddings aren’t about joining families - they are about the bride and groom getting married

This is a very good point. The "joining of families" thing is a bit of a stretch (in my experience of weddings and the aftermath). The only time the families see each other is at events hosted by the bride and groom.... I've rarely seen it happen that members of the groom's family would meet up with members of the bride's family without either present.

TooBigForMyBoots · 20/04/2025 00:06

It’s just the explicit rejection of the children that grates.

You mean them just not being invited, right? Tomorrow I haven't been invited to my sister's house, my Ex in-laws house, the Pope's Easter dinner, the White House's Egg Roll or Disney land.

Am I to take it that I've been explicitly rejected?😦 Or just not invited @Nomad68?🤷‍♀️

DoYouReally · 20/04/2025 00:50

There are main reasons but the main ones include:

  • People think the guest list shouldn't just be the choice of the bride & groom
  • People eho think their choice is the right choice
  • People who think their kids belong everywhere
  • People who don't accept that an occasion which usually involves alcohol isn't the place for kids
  • People with a sense of entitlement
Gowlett · 20/04/2025 00:57

Kids at weddings are a good laugh.
Love the scene in Bridget Jones where she’s doing Gangnam Style with the children (is that even a wedding? Can’t remember!)

JandamiHash · 20/04/2025 00:58

It used to baffle me too but then I saw how many people on MN say they do, or encourage others, to make their little girls stealth bridesmaids. There was a thread not long ago where loads of posters thought it was fine to dress Their DDs as a flower girl (despite the fact they hadn’t been asked), give her a basket of petals and chuck her down the aisle to follow the bridesmaids. Now I don’t blame people for having child free wedding when this is apparently the norm.

TotHappy · 20/04/2025 00:59

It's what you're used to, I suppose. I was genuinely startled when my friend said no kids were invited to her wedding when I had responded to her initial (pre-invite) text by saying me and my 1 yo would come. Good thing I did, because if I hadn't casually mentioned it I would've just rocked up with her - it didn't occur to me she wouldn't be welcome!
I'd only ever been to weddings with all ages before and, come to think of it, since. And I love a wedding including kids. My children would be very very sad to be excluded from an auntie's wedding, and probably a bit sad and confused to be excluded from a close family friend's.
I did have a good time at that one child free wedding though.

Bobnobob · 20/04/2025 01:01

We got married in our late 30s. Neices, nephews, our own children and godchildren made 15 children. All guests children would have been close to 50 children. The line had to be drawn. Otherwise we might as well have hired the wiggles as our wedding band.

Fourfurrymonsters · 20/04/2025 01:02

Good gods. Can we not just be adults about it and agree that the bride and groom can have the kind of wedding they want because it’s their day and most of them are paying through the nose for it themselves? The amount of drama over this is insane.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/04/2025 01:03

I didn't have any children at my wedding, including nieces and nephews, because I wanted my wedding to be an adult event and yes, not have children skidding on the dance floor.

I wanted to have a wedding, not a children's party.

Thunderpants88 · 20/04/2025 01:05

Because it is an extremely long and very boring day for young kids. 10+ no problem but younger than that and it is a ball ache for them and the parents. Our kids are 6, 4, 2 and a baby and unless it was a sibling I wouldn’t want them to be invited and I 100% wouldn’t be offended! Crazy that anyone would be at that age.

adults underestimate how insanely boring wedding are or the pressure they put on the parents to ensure them children stay quiet during the service and speeches and balance staying up for the party after with exhausted and out of routine children

no thank you

BernardButlersBra · 20/04/2025 01:31

Weddings are expensive, people don't parent their children well and / or people are bored of people pleasing l suppose. It's an invite, not a summons as they say on here. People don't have to take their children everywhere and for some occasions prefer leaving them at home. To be honest lm bored of the posts going on about it! Pre-children me wasn't a fan of children at weddings as a guest or bride. Post-children me feels the same. At a friends weddings another bridesmaid children gave all the bridal party norovirus 🙄. A friend of mine got hand, foot and mouth at her own wedding off a child guest

PowderMonkeys · 20/04/2025 01:53

Nomad68 · 19/04/2025 23:10

I suppose now weddings have become such a massive industry and expense, rather than a village hall thing, it makes sense to trim the numbers… but what a shame.

I think that’s a bit ridiculous. I can’t imagine why anyone cares that much either way, unless literally everyone they might use for one-off childcare is attending the wedding.

Sparklybutold · 20/04/2025 01:54

We’ve had to turn down an invite because it would be impossible for us to attend. The bride to be recently had a baby, but no change of plans regarding children. My older son was hurt because even though he’s a teen (so not invited) he felt pushed out of a family wedding. I know a few families who will not be able to attend - I’m wondering whether this was the plan all along? I also wonder whether the bride may want all the attention on her and the groom, which you could argue is fair enough… but I do find it strange.