That so many AIBU are about no children at weddings?!

[Nomad68]

I’ve only recently been looking at these AIBU threads, and just can’t get over how many relate to dilemmas about children attending weddings.
What on earth is happening that it’s suddenly okay to exclude children from major family events. Surely these are the events that become the big memories for children. Peter Kay describes the joy of being a child skidding on the dance floor.
I know weddings are ultimately up to the bride and groom, but really what has the world come to that younger family members are excluded from these events… just why?

There would have only been a handful of kids at our wedding if we did invite them, but we went to a wedding a month before and couldn’t hear the ceremony for kids - they weren’t crying, just being a bit noisy. We left saying thank god we have said no kids at the wedding!

Now we have our own kids, I am more than happy to go to kid free weddings and have never been bothered that they haven’t been invited!

Peter Kay describes the joy of being a child skidding on the dance floor

That's the child's prospective. For every adult who thinks it's cute/funny etc there'll also be others thinking they shouldn't have to step over kids coming back from the bar & wishing they'd sit down. If there's a dozen kids you've potentially got a dozen kids throwing themselves across the floor

It's definitely a devisive topic.

Personally I found the few weddings I was invited to as a child to be as boring as hell. I'd have been far happier spending the day with my Gran

Not everyone enjoys the same things. One person’s joy is another’s tedious arseache.

People can have the weddings they want, which is preferable to having the type of wedding they don’t want because of external pressure placed on them by people who think they’re the authority on what a wedding ‘should’ be.

I don't know why people do that photo break, it's so rude to just leave people hanging.

One thing that has probably changes is that in the past, when people were married in churches, it was normal for the ceremony to be open - many churches would not bar members of the community from a sacramental observance. So it was much more of a community based kind of thing. And a lot of times the reception was just people going back to someone's home or in the hall, unless you were quite well off.

People think of it now as a kind of party.

Maybe people just want to have the wedding they want to?

Why would the bride having a baby change their wedding? Even if the couples baby came does not mean that the floodgates should open for all the other children.

Why are you putting all of this on the bride? Presumably there is a groom too???

People who have weddings abroad without kids and then get offended that people can't come, including those breastfeeding babies are silly!

I think a lovely compromise if practical is to include children in the church/registry office ceremony and then have them whisked away if possible, as a little girl I was desperate to see a wedding and a bride in a princess dinner but I wouldn't have enjoyed a long reception (unless they had a kids area /kids entertainment)

The only time I do an eye roll about the children not being invited is where the bride and groom already have children themselves who will be attending!

To be honest I want a child free wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️ just my choice. People can choose not to come if it doesn't suit them

Yes I can see that people want the wedding they want
and I will carry in thinking that such people are narrow minded and selfish and a bit strange

historically NO one could be excluded from the wedding itself when it was in a church - it was a public declaration

Selfish 🤣 ok hun

The only wedding I went to as a child I remember being bored out of my brains for HOURS, as well as fatigued from carrying a heavy bridesmaid basket all day.

The last wedding I went to there were three older children including the child of one of the couple and they were SO fed up. I overheard one of them saying 'three hours guys just three hrs!' And asked until what and she said 'Until we can go!!' Looked as if she were about to cry.

Not all weddings are something all children will enjoy.

I’m in my late 40’s. It’s not a new thing - I remember going to one wedding but that’s because I was the bridesmaid! And for the other family members wedding we didn’t go.

Same with the invites now there has been a mix and it never bothered me. If we couldn’t get a babysitter one of us would stay at home and the other would go. One wedding my husband was the best man and dealing with a 3 year old that was tired, expected to sit for a ceremony and then the wedding meal and speeches while daddy was busy doing best man duties ….im more than happy to either stay home or get a sitter!

I just didn't invite children because I don't like them. It's not that deep.

We refuse all "no children" wedding invitations on principle.

Our youngest DC is in her 30s.

I HAD to trim children from my guest list. If I was to invite all of my friends children there would have been over 30 extra guests.

There was physically no room to put an extra three whole tables in the venue for this. Then there’s the added issue of the extra costs for feeding those 30 extra guests. It’s just not possible to do sometimes.

And if I’m being honest I wanted my friends to be present and enjoying the day. Not stressed and constantly distracted because little Timmy has ran away again or is crying for a fruit shoot!

We had our siblings children attend and this is all.

Yeah my reason isn't too deep either
I don't ever want to be a parent so I really enjoy adult only events and places. It's more peaceful

I do get not having kids if money is limited and inviting kids means having to drop adults you'd like to invite given the cost of wedding catering. I'm a bit judgemental (I admit a bit unfairly) of no kids because someone's worried about the ceremony being interrupted or kids spoiling a 'perfect day' by being unpredictable - that's kind of on you and how you deal with it, not on small kids.

People need to look at context - if you're going to have a no kids wedding but you have close friends or family who will not be able to find childcare, especially if it's going to be a way from where most of them live, you have to be prepared for them not to be able to come. I'm always a bit astonished at how some couples plan with no thought for what their guests can afford or manage around commitments.

Eye roll all you want but that is what I'm doing. My children are only coming to the ceremony.

All family weddings here have included dc - dc are always an important part for us and would never be excluded. I’ve been to other weddings where they are excluded and there’s usually a very different family dynamic. That said, I v would never assume to take dc for a friend’s wedding - but you can usually get family the babysit. The issue with family weddings is all the usually babysitters are also at the wedding and most of us don’t like leaving our dc with random people for a day so that causes a massive issue.

So your dc are missing the party? Good to see your priorities there.

Maybe they want to relax fully at the party and have some drinks. They cant do that with their children there.

It’s not a new thing at all. In fact IME it’s less common now because it’s more common for the couple to have children before they get married and so those children are included, and then by extension other family children.

My wedding 25 years ago was child free and all the people who came were ecstatic to have a day away from the kids where they could eat a nice meal, let their hair down, all without having to constantly watch the kids.

We only had one response declining because her child wasn’t invited, and she was a friend of MIL and her response was so rude that as far as I was concerned it didn’t matter whether she didn’t come.

When you’re paying for head the costs start to add up, and so unless you’re doing a buffet where numbers aren’t limited it’s not realistic to have children there, unless you’re loaded.

And most children really don’t enjoy the majority of the wedding, so why put them through it.