"Ipad Kid" ??

[Becc91]

Worried I'm going to be grilled for this 🙈... But has anyone else noticed that whenever you go out to eat there always seems to be a sticky toddler with an i pad?!
After seeing this for a 3rd time this week , complete with spaghetti hoops on the screen , a nasty cough and vacant parents who could care less - one of whom was ON THEIR PHONE 😱 i made what I thought was a reasonable request

to turn off the loud video of dancing fruits , only to be looked at like I'd grown a 3rd head?!?! DS (19) typically embarrassed- says I was out of order , but I just can't understand the laziness of it all.Is it just me?😲

headphones???

Playing a game on a phone doesn’t need the volume on.

Autism isn‘t a new condition, neither is ADHD, people with autism and ADHD weren’t prisonsers in their own homes before ipads and game boys were invented.

We had to move mid meal last week as a family came in who had two children loudly playing videos on tablets, staff asked them to either turn the volume off or use headphones and they refused. Our son is hearing impaired, so due to the noise he then couldn’t hear our conversation. We noted that the next group of people seated near them also moved after a short while.

We’re not a big screen family, our son has a phone, but it doesn’t have games etc, no youtube or safari so its just a means of contacting people, neither of ours have a tablet either. We have a laptop that our son uses for homework. Our son has ADHD and FASD, our daughter just CP (for the moment). Not only do they not have regular access to screens, they also don’t see us glued to phones, the only times ours come out are paying for the metro, actually calling someone or me using it to manage my diabetes. We also rarely use them at home when they’re awake. If we’re going out to eat we’ll take a book to read with our three year old, maybe some colouring or 1-2 very small toys, our oldest is nine so he is responsible for picking something sensible if he wants something to do.

I meant playing Uno or dobble with us chatting and teaching him how to play at a normal voice level. No phones involved. But still got eye rolling from the couple next to us.

My Dear Niece and Nephew are the same. They spent the first 4 years if life with an ipad or phone at every single meal.

I have 2 small children of my own and we have never had phones or ipads at the table. Actually they don't own one or have access to one. And when we go out to eat or the car we never use devices. We Bluetooth some nursery rhymes and songs but that is it no videos or games.

We sit and talk about the food. At the very most when waiting for food either we bring some paper and pencils or one of us takes them for a little walk about.

It is not just children it is adults having calls on speakerphone or watching videos etc without headphones. It is so, so selfish. Sometimes on planes you have competing videos playing full blast. Honestly I wish service providers would just ban it. And I don’t believe for a moment that all these people who can’t wear headphones are autistic. Ironically this is just increasing the sensory overload for society as a whole.

Although I’m inclined to agree, I also think those children don’t have a hope in hell of being able to regulate themselves when they aren’t given the chance to learn how

No, I honestly don’t think they’ve tried everything. As a healthcare professional in this field, I really do understand that autism is not a ‘one size fits all’. Too many parents happy to take the easy option and blame it on autism. What were these autistic children doing before iPads and phones?

I have no issue with children playing games at the table, colouring etc. It’s lovely to see families chatting and having fun, that noise doesn’t bother me at all. Noise from phones and iPads on the other hand are unbearable.

Eh, so your quite happy to intrude on others with your dc noise?
Obviously you don't care about that as you can clearly shout with your writing as well, dearie me, our kids are a doomed

What if the people sat around are also exhausted parents and don’t want to listen to YouTube kids on full blast for an hour??

Sit and talk to the parents/family or friends. Be excited to be eating in a new location. Facinated by other people and people watching. Thats what I remember. And getting to have food we never have at home. Was so exciting.

Get over it. If you can't seethe silently and then let it all out later.

Do your kids eat at home with their iPads on?

What about the autistic child at the next table that needs not to hear the screen noise? Thought of that - no. Entitled - yes.

So everyone else has to be uncomfortable? Cheeky fucker.

Screens can sometimes be useful tools in coping strategies. Rather than rotting brains and stunting development, their use can be positive, so it's not a thing to globally condemn when you don't know what's actually going on.

My DC and I were recently out for dinner with some children from our wider friendship group. One of those children (a lovely, intelligent, funny and active kid with ASD and ADHD) felt overwhelmed and used his coping strategies to self-regulate. One of those strategies was to have about 5 minutes of screentime (on mute) watching a rather advanced programme about maths. It helped him be able to carry on enjoying his time with his friends and I doubt it's rotted his brain given he's years ahead of his peers academically and has the maturity to use coping strategies effectively.

Absolutely. I still remember a lot of meals we had out as a family. Usually for special occasions and it was such a treat to be in a restaurant.

To clarify - I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with those things. The point I was making was with my first, we also took bits of colouring because that’s what everyone else did and I assumed that’s what you did. But I found DD would colour for a while and then get bored and look to something to replace the colouring and we’d escalate to books, little toys etc.

We stopped doing that and never have with DC2, instead we just replicate the routine at home and it works better for us. No faffing around with bits of stuff and thinking of what to provide next.

That said, we only eat out at the children’s normal mealtimes and don’t have starters. I’m sure if it’s more drawn out than that, it gets tricky. My choice is that we just don’t go out for long or late meals until the children are older.

You're being unfair, rather than criticising others, it might be better to focus on improving your grammar.

If a person says, “couldn’t care less” about something, it means that the amount of care and concern they have about something could not be any less, any lower. Therefore when someone says “could care less”, it means the opposite, that they are concerned.

Maybe consider getting an iPad so you can practice and brush up on your grammar skills?

"What were these autistic children doing before iPads and phones?"

Severely autistic children and adults weren't out anywhere not so long ago which I thought you would already know.

My teenager isn't interested in screens but he makes his own self regulation which can be very noisy at times.

Parents can’t win in this situation- you get criticised for a child looking a a screen, you get criticised for a wriggly child making noise. Of course you teach good manners, social interaction, how to behave in a restaurant but that’s not something you can just flick a switch and get, it takes time and sometimes an iPad is a useful distraction for a short time. It may be that the child is always given a screen to shut them up, it may be that they’ve had a full day of all sorts of other activities and interactions and this is the first screen they’ve looked at- you just don’t know.

The noise is annoying though, it should be turned down.

I voted YABU. Two young kids here and when we eat out or fancy a beer in a pub we'll chat and play games with the kids, we don't own a tablet and don't use our phones to entertain them.

But, like everyone else, I've had my fair share of life's pressures, have zero family support and the one day I needed peace and quiet after a long and physical active day with them I gave my kids the phone to play educational video games on mute and naturally the judgement police were circling to tell me what a crap parent I was.

What's so boring at your table or with your family that you feel the need to start meddling or judging in others? When I'm out with family and friends I'm so focused on them that I don't see or hear what other tables are doing and frankly I have enough going on in my own life without having to pick up or get involved in anyone else's battles.

I have a young adult with severe asd who uses a screen fairly constantly. I don't care what other people think. She has severe ld and autism. It helps her. She feels safe when she has her ipad. I keep the volume low or try to get her to use her headphones. We go to family oriented places where there are loads of kids generally. I love people who say they are professionals in this area pontificating about how parents are taking the easy way out. When you have actually looked after a young person with severe and complex needs for 20 years 24/7 then you can come back and tell me how to do it better.

It turned up down the line that DS was a "hard-work" young child because of autism that was diagnosed later in childhood. He was 4 before I had my first smartphone with limited data and limited capacity for apps, so we did it the traditional style with toy cars, colouring etc. Generally there was a window aged 18m-3y where it just wasn't worth going out to eat unless it was part of a wider family gathering or somewhere with very quick service.

Eating at home was fine because he was called to the table when the food was ready and allowed to leave soon after. Less sensory input too.

We just had to accept what he could cope with for a few years and work at it when we did have to go out. I missed many a dessert at longer family dinners sitting in the car or walking around outside with him.

You can not expect life to be unchanged by small children and you do have to adapt and sometimes sacrifice around their needs.

When parents walk in and at the moment of sitting the tablet is whipped out with sound levels that penetrate the rest of the background throng of conversation and music it is grossly unfair on everyone else in the vincinity.

There's been times recently that it's been so bad that the moment the last person at our table has finished, that we've necked the last of our drinks and walked out (bill paid at ordering!) because selfish, lazy idiots have ruined the surrounding area for everyone else.

With younger teenagers we're stuck with "family friendly" for a few more years.

I did my graft parenting toddlers and young children and resent my enjoyment of public spaces being ruined when other parents take the lazy way out with no consideration for others.

Tablet on and I can't hear it? No problem. Might not be ideal for child development but that's not being foisted into the my problem zone. I don't have an issue with quiet tablets being used as a back-up when there are other strategies used; used with consideration, they can be a useful tool. But having it as the default option for children of normal development is not great for the child. In my youth groups, the attention spans have plummeted in the last 5 years and that's the NT children, not ND.