Is it such a bad thing If I don't have children?

[Notsure54]

I'm 25 soon to be 26 and have pcos hypothyroidism anxiety depression and schizophrenia. Im not 100% on not having children because I do love babys but at the same time I know it will be a struggle for me to conceive and carry a baby of my own not to mention the problems my child might have due to my illnesses and the medication I'm on. I think about it alot as I always hear guys and other woman saying ill regret it if I don't have children and will end up alone with cats. Don't get me wrong I love cats but the way they put it. Its like its a bad thing. In the media it's very romanticised online having children and a blood line. I dont care about ending my bloodline tbh. It was never spectacular anyway. Is anyone else the same or older with the same issues and haven't had children and not regretted it?

I have two children. I find motherhood profoundly fulfilling and life enhancing. But it’s not the only way to live a fulfilling and enhanced life. And because it is all-consuming, I think people should be really sure it’s what they want before they do it. If you’re on the fence and considering it because other people think you will regret it, I wouldn’t do it. You can have a beautiful, abundant life with or without children.

I'm also in my 20s and a lot of people are choosing not to have children. We have a fertility crisis because of it.

I'm happy women are choosing not to have children to be honest and I'm very much in the same boat unless I found someone who was wanting to do the equal load of parenting

No kids, twice your age. Never regretted it as from what I saw of having kids from family and friends looked rubbish to me.

Also no kids and twice OPs age.....no regrets. I don't think I could of afforded kids TBH even if I wanted them.
Not to mention I don't believe that having kids is beneficial to the planet at all so I'm happy!

I'm 36, autistic and with PCOS and can't think of anything worse than having kids.

I chose not to have children and have zero regrets. Do what's right for you. I love all the kids in my family but I'm also relieved to go home too.

I don’t know if I’ll change my mind but I don’t want children either

It's hard work... don't do it just because you think society expects you to. And it's taboo but plenty of people have children and regret having them.

If I were younger today I probably wouldn't have kids. You can live a great and fulfilling life without but it's not the norm and so you need to work at it.

You will probably find that many of your friends slip away into family life so you need to replace that and have a new stage in your life. Hobbies, pets, travel. It would be glorious.

It's not compulsory. If you don't want any, you don't have to have any.
You can have a fulfilling life without having children.

When I was a child, I decided that motherhood looked like a pile of shit and that it wasn’t for me. Nothing in the last 40 years has made me change my mind.

I’m nearly twice your age and never had kids. Absolutely don’t regret it. I don’t want to risk passing on my autism to a kid (it is not a fucking superpower no matter how many ‘neurospicy’ idiots online say it is), I have always had a fear of being pregnant and I couldn’t cope with the responsibility and sensory overwhelm of motherhood. The sensible thing for me and the unborn children I might have had is to remain childfree. Plus, this world is a total shithole now so I wouldn’t want to bring a child into it anyway.

Give this a listen, very insightful:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1uM1g8dIE8uk33uFu7S0e1?si=d4X8eHvWTO2IKhaUlskM3Q

Hello! I’m mid 40s and no children - also have hypothyroidism and depression and this has been a huge part as to why I didn’t want children (amongst other things). People love to tell you ‘you’ll change your mind’, but it’s your life and you can live it anyway you want to. I’m of the age now where people thankfully stop asking!

I knew very young that I didn't want kids and I never changed my mind. Now I'm in menopause and so very glad not to have to worry about fertility any more. No regrets. Kids aren't compulsory, there are billions of people on this planet and we're not going to run out anytime soon.

It depends if you actually want kids and think you’ll get fulfilment from them and will feel loss if you don’t have them. You don’t need to have children to live a rich and fulfilling life (in fact, many studies suggest child-free women are happier). Children are hard work in the day to day and being a parent is both rewarding and relentless. Personally, I chose to have kids because I have a nurturing side that needed to be satisfied. I instinctively wanted them, but I can’t pinpoint why. I can actually understand the reasons why people would never want kids more than the reasons for wanting them, despite knowing I wanted them myself (fyi I don’t regret my decision to have them at all).

You also need to consider your own health and needs and how having children may affect that. My sister has schizophrenia and she can’t be pregnant while taking her medication, which sadly she relies on, so the decision was taken from her. It may be worth speaking with your psychiatrist to see whether meds have any impact on that side of things (if that’s in any way relevant to you).

It's completely up to you, and in this day and age I can't understand why so many people still assume all women want children, when we have careers and opportunities outside of motherhood. Do people ever ask a man if he wants children, and then tell them he'll change his mind, or regret it if they don't? I bet hardly ever!
However, and I mean this very kindly, with the mental health conditions you mention, I think you're right to consider whether having children is really for you. I had post natal depression and struggled a lot in the first year, and if you already have depression there is a higher chance you may be affected. Children of parents with Schizophrenia have a higher than average chance of developing the condition themselves, and with the anxiety added to it (which I also have ) I think you may well struggle. Even parents without your additional conditions often find the day to day realities of parenting hard, despite loving their children dearly.

Childfree at 62 and zero regrets here. Do as I like, go where I like, spend as I like. My SO is childfree, too. We lead very pleasant lives reaping the rewards of focusing on careers.

I love my children but raising them is hard, lots of worry and anxiety as well as the joy they bring. You say you love babies but they are not babies for long and the huge responsibility of being a parent never really ends. It sounds like you are facing more challenges than most. Many women choose not to have children and live a rich and fulfilling life. Don't feel pressured by societal expectations.

I love my little one but it is HARD. I have luckily never had any mental health struggles in life and I still find motherhood really tough sometimes, I can only imagine how hard it would be with the additional complexities of schizophrenia. You 100% can have a fulfilled life without kids, if anything having a baby has made me realise how true this is.

I have one child, was one the fence re kids and am very glad I get to have this experience. However I firmly believe that you can have a truly fulfilling happy life without having children.

I think having children is like any other life affirming/changing/big experience in that if you go through it it gives you life experience and different perspective but that doesn't mean that that is any better or worse than other things. For a loose example I never did a 'gap year', I've never travelled very much at all (I don't want to and have no desire to!) so I don't have that experience to gain that perspective from. Is my life worse for it? Nope. Do I sometimes think I should have done it? Yep. But I haven't and I am still living MY life, respecting how others live theirs and hoping they are happy.

I have pretty bad anxiety and depressive episodes thought my life, motherhood actually tought me how resilient I am....however a very hard lesson to learn and I did have PPA & PPD. I was in a support group with a lady who had schizophrenia and small children and although quite up and down at times those kids were her priority and looked after by her support network where/when she was struggling.

Your only 26, make no firm decisions, you don't need to, but know whatever life decides to gift you either way you will cope and likely thrive xxx

Of course it's not a bad thing! Nearly 20% of women are childfree.
It gives you the freedom and opportunity to do whatever you want in life.
If you don't want/have children, then embrace all the opportunities that will come your way - you will have a fantastic life.

@Notsure54

You could have children and still end up single with cats though.
I am a mum, via adoption - and no this is not an encouragement to adopt, it's just how I chose to become a mum.
I have a wonderful son, we are very close, we get on well and he still enjoys spending time with me.
But he has grown up to be the young man I wanted him to be, strong and independent minded and following his own path. He has moved away to university and I don't think he will ever come back permanently. So I'm here with the cat and my allotment.
I have lots of interests and good friends. I think I have pretty much the same life as I do now if I hadn't adopted him.
A life with children is very different to a life without children, but neither is intrinsically better than the other.
Unless you really want children. You don't sound very sure one way or the other, and although you say you like babies, they don't stay babies very long.
You could also of course meet someone who doesn't want children.
There are many ways to live your life. On another thread a poster mentioned a piece of advice they'd had after a difficult time which was don't waste your life thinking about the life you wished you'd had.
There are many ways to have a happy, fulfilled life. But being single with a cat is actually quite nice.

If you don't want to have a baby then you're not going to want to deal with sleep deprivation etc after the fact. And if the cat life was so bad it wouldn't be so popular lol 😼

You don’t have to have kids, I didn’t have mine until I completed therapy, I just wouldn’t have coped before it if I’m being completely honest. No-one has to have children, I love mine but would have been just as happy without. I do have members of my family who are older and have mental health problems and haven’t had children because by the time they settled down it was a bit late. Honestly they are doing great.

Kids are wonderful in many ways but they are also a massive stressor and if at any point you are not managing it impacts them. I’m not saying this to be negative but I have a schizophrenic member of my family who had quite a few children and it was incredibly tough on all of them. Also have a bi-polar member of my family who’s children have distanced themselves from her for large periods of time because they couldn’t cope, they are all good people, no-ones wrong but it is so very hard on families. There may be people who can take over at times but (and they did in my family members case) but the impact on her kids was lifelong. Thats the reality.

I’m not saying this to try to stigmatise you or to make you feel bad, I’m saying this because I’ve seen the impact on peoples kids. It’s not always about what you want or what other people want, the wellbeing of any child you bring i to the world os your responsibility. You don’t have to be perfect (no parent is) but think carefully about whether you would be prepared for kids.