Is it such a bad thing If I don't have children?

[Notsure54]

I'm 25 soon to be 26 and have pcos hypothyroidism anxiety depression and schizophrenia. Im not 100% on not having children because I do love babys but at the same time I know it will be a struggle for me to conceive and carry a baby of my own not to mention the problems my child might have due to my illnesses and the medication I'm on. I think about it alot as I always hear guys and other woman saying ill regret it if I don't have children and will end up alone with cats. Don't get me wrong I love cats but the way they put it. Its like its a bad thing. In the media it's very romanticised online having children and a blood line. I dont care about ending my bloodline tbh. It was never spectacular anyway. Is anyone else the same or older with the same issues and haven't had children and not regretted it?

Hey, I’m 28 and TTC, but I’ve been married for years and met my DH at 17. We’ve had over 10 years without kids and I’ve loved it.

I feel it’s an experience I want from life and an urge to have them. However, I also feel quite relaxed that if it doesn’t work out for us, we would just continue having a ball without them.

I’ve traveled for months, we go to London to see a show and have a good weekend twice a year, renovated houses, focused on our careers so we are pretty comfortable, enjoyed child free weddings, spa days, hobbies like running, gardening etc. We did a road trip from either side of USA not too long ago. When I think of childfree life, it’s been so exciting and fun and I really don’t believe I’d have done all that, or afforded to, if we had had kids. Totally get people don’t want to do some of that, but I did and I’m glad I had these years.

I hated my job and DH said to walk away from it and get something else, we don’t have kids to worry about! You are so much more free and flexible in so many ways, you are never really ‘stuck’. Think about what you want from life and take some risks if you have to.

Most of my friends don’t have kids either and I expect that to become more common. You won’t find yourself the odd one out.

Good luck whatever you decide x

40 and no kids. No regrets at all. They just aren’t my thing.

Completely the individual's choice. We all think about what might have been different but if it's the right decision for some it's a road well travelled.

You’ve still got plenty of time to decide. I didn’t have children until I was 35 and before then led a very fulfilling life. I’m so glad I did have children but would have been happy without. Do what feels right but you don’t need to give it much thought now. What’s more important is looking after your mental health.

It's not a bad thing as long as you're okay with it. I have a 6 year old daughter and it's been bloody hard work. But now, with the way the world is and is going, I wish I never had. The fear of leaving them to this world is terrifying.

You are no different from the 1000s of young women who are making similar choices.

The most important person that you can look after in life is yourself, there are many ways that you can experience children without the relentless slog of raising them.

My DD with mild mh issues/ASD, she needs a lot of downtime, she doesn't want children. I 💯 support her choice.

Well done for recognising the pros and cons, my child free friends have a great life, most of us with DC have then nearly grown, it is good to be free.

I’ve got 3 kids and of course I love them but my honest advice - stick to the cats!

No it’s not. Also you’ve got about 20 years of fertility left so you don’t need to decide now anyway.

It’s fine not to have a baby. I had my child, older (44) so I’ve experienced life both as a childless woman & as a mother, now.

I don’t buy into the “profound change to my life” thing (that’s just me, my opinion). DS is just another person in my life TBH.

Life is the same. I still have a job, still have to run a home, have DH, my family. I’m still the same. Except now DS is here too.

I'm 41 with no kids and my older brothers are 44 and 47 with no children, so our bloodline will end with us. We're all high achievers academically, but there's definitely some sort of undiagnosed autism with us all. Personally I've suffered with awful depression/suicidal ideation since being a very young child, so bringing a baby into the world is not something I've ever seriously considered.

I don't regret my decision, but I will say 26 is still young enough to explore your thoughts and feelings for a bit longer if you wanted to. There's no right or wrong answer and the fact you're thinking about how your life would be with or without kids is more thought than a lot of people give to such a serious decision.

I think it's great that you have the self awareness to really think about whether motherhood is the right path for you, considering that it would be more challenging for you with your health issues.

I'm in my early 40s and don't have children. I just never had the desire to, and I'm totally content with the situation.

My mother had schizophrenia and it was a very hard road and has caused me some trauma too. Obviously the illness wasn't her fault, but in her case it meant she was not well equipped to be a mother. I'm sure treatment is much better now than it was when I was a child, but it's still not an easy road to take.

Whatever you decide, do it because it's what you truly want, not because of other people's opinions. Wishing you the best.

I’m 53, no children and never been pregnant. Sometimes I do feel as though I’ve missed out but it was never the right time for me. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 38 and him 43 and we’ve only lived in one bed flats ever since. We’re happy enough, got money and can have nice holidays. No cats though sadly, ditto the living in a flat.

I'm 55, no kids through choice, absolutely no regrets.

Children are not right for everyone, it’s your choice. Don’t let anyone dictate to you what is right for you.

I'm 66 and childfree. I was younger than you when I went to my GP and asked to be sterilised as I knew I didn't want kids. (FWIW they refused.) No regrets at all. I've had (and am still having) a great life.

What interests me about these posts are the people who keep telling you that you'll regret not doing it. I didn't get that. What evidence do these folk provide?

Good luck choosing your path.

I drifted into having kids, it was just expected I didn’t fully realise I had a choice. So I’m super happy new generations have and can make this choice. You do you!!

Had them, love them and wouldn't change it for a second now its happened, but feel that life without them would have been objectively "better" or at least no worse.

I’m 51 & divorced. Being single & childfree with my cat is living the dream as far as I’m concerned.

Maybe come & look at some of the threads on the Mumsnetters without children board.

I’m not sure why PCOS is given as a reason not to have children.. my dd has this and was told by a consultant conceiving would be no problem.

Obviously autism is something different.

I think it's great that there's more openness about choosing to be child free. I didn't even consider it as an option when I was op's age, I'd dint realise it was a possibility.

Don't get the wrong I love my dcs but 2/3 are choosing not to have children and I can't be happier for them.

One DD always says she's too selfish for having children, she wants to travel unencumbered!

I knew from a young age I would not have kids as I suffer from mental health, suspected adhd and I knew I could pass it on to a child. I adored kids but never regretted my decision:

I had kids because I had a burning desire to do so. You do not, so it is a perfectly valid choice for you to make not to have them.

I love my children. I would chose them every life time - but I always knew I wanted them.

if someone is on the fence I would suggest not… they’re a LOT. Plenty of my girlfriends in their 40s are single + childfree with zero regrets, lovely travel filled lives, beautiful apartments with un-drawn-on walls and crumb free carpets. I don’t envy their lives as such - but I can absolutely see how they have made the right choice for them and I celebrate that (and am delighted to run away to their homes for child free wine sometimes!)

there are a so many ways to be happy, don’t let other people impose their thoughts on what you will or won’t regret on you!

Why didn’t you want children?

Considering the heritability of schizophrenia and the issues of treatment during pregnancy, I wouldn't be having children in your position unless it was something you couldn't live without.