To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

So why is the provider “masculine”?

if the female strengths are bringing in the money and providing for the family, as many women are capable of, is that energy still “masculine”?

what makes it masculine other than outdated stereotypes and gender roles?

If that works for you and your partner, good for you, congratulations and just crack on 👍🏼

No need to make an entire thread to try and make other women feel bad about their situations and choices.

Can women not be leaders then?

Talking about Masculine energy is super big at the moment in the states on some of the most sexist and outrageous podcast’s of men who think women are just for making babies, cooking and cleaning If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know I don’t think MN will be much help. And also the birth rate is dropping in many countries so that speaks volumes in itself in my opinion.

Not at all - I’ve never said that. Women can work, thrive, and still prefer a dynamic where their partner leads financially.

It’s not about whether a woman has a job - it’s about how she wants to show up in a relationship. For some of us, emotional contribution, home management or softer energy comes more naturally and we value a partner who compliments that with structure and provision. Self-respect isn’t about what you do, it’s about owning your values without apology.

I find talk of leadership in a relationship really odd. I out earn DH significantly and we split our household expenses proportionate to our income. So I pay more. I said this on a thread recently but DH and I are a team. We do what works for us and most things are fair. DH sometimes does more around the house and sometimes I cook more.

I am certainly not looking for financial leadership from DH but nor is he looking for it from me just because I earn more.

'Based on the replies', that's what you take from the postss?, I questioned your comprehension skills

This is star spangled banner born in the USA nuclear grade Gilead shite.

Not quite. I was talking about masculine energy in the context of relational dynamics - things like leadership, consistency and provision. That has nothing to do with gender debates or what someone wears. If the phrase triggers a completely different conversation in your mind, that’s your lens not mine.

How long have you been married?

Well, no. Just as when we challenge a racist position or people who want to make homosexual marriages illegal m, it doesn’t mean that we secretly agree. Some of us are glad to have moved on from the indefensible beliefs of the last century.

so apparently we’re back to the “men as leaders, women have softer energy” old stereotypes then in OPs world. I personally prefer to retain full equality at home and in workplace which means I can be as spiky and churlish as I want to.

Yup 😃

Soft energy?

What tariff is that on then?

I work in Corporate Finance and have much greater financial skills than DH, a doctor. Our salaries have over the years been quite similar and we have jointly contributed to the running of our home and bringing up our children.

What is ‘softer energy’?

I hate these type of posts.

It's always difficult to tell if the OP is high/drunk or just a little dim/uneducated. At least you could try to reason with the latter.

It sounds like you’re leading in the way that works for your relationship and that’s exactly my point. My ethos isn’t about forcing one dynamic on everyone - it’s about clarity, intention and complimentary roles.

If you’re the provider and your partner brings something valuable to the dynamic in other ways - emotionally, practically, energetically - that is aligned. I’m speaking from the perspective of a woman who values masculine provision in her relationships. That doesn’t mean women can’t provide - it means I choose not to be the one doing it in mine. Power to you for knowing what works in yours.

You're not bringing anything of value to the relationship

He’s quite happy with lunch and even happier that I have standards, a spine, and a sense of humour. Being cherished and having a voice aren’t mutually exclusive.

Well, when the "energy" of the "masculine provider" finds a focus elsewhere and you're left up financial shit creek sans paddle as the "leadership" has checked out, all that emotional nurture won't amount to a roof or an income.

^ This. If you want to rely on a bloke financially whilst doing all the shitty life admin stuff fill your boots OP, I'd rather have a relationship where both of us do our fair share of all of it.

It really does sound like you’re suggesting that if a man isn’t the bread-winner, he’s not masculine, and if a woman is the bread-winner she’s not feminine/“soft”?? IF that is what you’re suggesting, you might need to broaden your horizons. Again, this all sounds to me like the propaganda that is being spewed from far-right US social media right now, regurgitated.

When someone can’t disagree without rage or insults, it usually means the idea hit a nerve. I’m not asking anyone to live how I live - just naming what works for me. If that bothers you so much, maybe ask why.

Are you Melania Trump?

Some of us value traditional masculine provision - not out of weakness but because we bring a different kind of strength.

Some of us value being able to do our own provision because we don't want to be left up shit creek if the male doing the providing vanishes into the wide blue yonder. And because we don't want the "masculine provision" to force us into domestic roles which we don't want to occupy.

So no, thanks, I'll keep my hand in with the provision and would prefer an equal partnership.