To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

Oh it’s that one

definitely not a bot ( as the last time I accused someone of that I was deleted, apparently it’s a crime on here to say that)…

You've already backtracked from your initial categorical statement to a stance of "this is what I want, I'm not saying it's right for everybody." 🙄

But I'm still curious about what "financial leadership" entails. Does that mean exclusively that the man should earn more money than the woman? If so, how much more? Or does it mean that he also decides how the money is spent? Does it mean he doles out "housekeeping" money to the little woman and she must present an accounting of how his money is spent?

User names are mostly three words that include an animal

I was just about to post the same thing!

That sounds like a great dynamic for your household and it clearly works well for you. When I say softer energy, I mean a more nurturing, emotionally attuned presence - the kind of energy that holds space, brings peace and often leads in relational depth rather than logistics. Some women find that role comes naturally to them and they value a partner who brings structure, direction, and material security to compliment that. It’s not about one being better than the other - it’s about alignment. We’re not all wired the same way and that’s okay.

ThisAdjectiveNoun

you see a few of them, definitely chosen by real
people and not bots…

Also disappears in the middle of the thread never to be heard of again often at the same time a new similarly themed thread starts

My number 1 takeaway from your posts OP are the repeated references to nurturing the relationship, maintaining the relationship etc as a contribution - are you seriously saying that is part of your contribution in return for a man making a higher financial contribution, are you utterly oblivious to how that sounds and what that makes you and sums up very well why soooooo many posters disagree with your views?!

I’m not suggesting that masculinity = money or that women who earn can’t be feminine - plenty of couples thrive in all kinds of dynamics. What I am saying is that for me (and women who feel similarly), relationships feel more natural when we’re not both holding the exact same role. I lead with emotional contribution, relational awareness and soft energy and I feel most fulfilled when that’s met with financial leadership and grounded support.

That’s not “propaganda” - that’s personal preference. I’m not asking everyone to live this way. I’m just not pretending the 50/50 model is the only respectable option. Different women, different wiring.

They're asking because a marriage is a very long term partnership where the "leadership" of the finances, emotions, domesticity etc changes hands regularly, depending on what is needed at that point in your lives together.

If you're not married or your relationship is not long term, it's likely you've not experienced those changes.

How would you cope with that?

Nope - just a woman with her own mind, her own standards, and no interest in splitting bills or dignity. But thanks for the comparison, I’ll take “First Lady energy” as a compliment.

So why describe it as masculine? You have done that repeatedly

You’re talking mumbo jumbo and are obviously not in a real life relationship. AI is easily spotted.

There is absolutely zero need for this to be gendered, at all.

You do you OP! 🤣👌🏻

Meanwhile, outside the manosphere…

Financial leadership sounds like he calls all the shots. Money is power, whoever controls the purse strings controls the relationship. Anyone who deliberately seeks that out while they provide the ‘emotion’ is foolish and naive.

Fuck that. I pay my own way in life.

They are very vague on their relationship experience, which tells you all you need to know.

The point was to share a perspective that doesn’t often get much airtime without being ridiculed. Saying “you should never cohabit unless he pays the majority” reflects a boundary I hold and a value I share - not a law I’m trying to pass. AIBU is a place to throw out views, provoke discussion and hear how others feel. That’s what I did.

You don’t have to agree to engage - just understand that not every post is asking for consensus. Some of us are here to stand in our own convictions, even if they challenge the norm.

What does energy that “holds space” and “leads in relational depth” actually mean? Step away from tiktok from time to time and go to work, this all just sounds like pseudo-therapy speak that means nothing of any merit in the real world.

OP, your replies are now so convoluted and wooly that they don’t even align with your original post, which suggests to me you don’t know what you think yourself. You were pretty black and white to start: you said you think the man should pay the majority of the bills if you live with him. You asked the Q and you’ve been told why - quantitively, based on the poll there - most people (including very many happily married women and men, like myself) do think YABU to think in this way and now you’re waffling about “energy” and “polarity” in the replies whilst avoiding any probes RE your own personal experience/what has led you to think this way, all under the pretence of a “healthy debate”. Regardless of your recent wishy-washy replies, if you’re being honest with yourself, you’ve rejected the idea that a woman can be a “leader” and soft, or a man can be more emotionally supportive whilst being masculine, and don’t even get me started on how dismissive your (original post!) cookie-cutter approach is of same-sex marriages/relationships. You’re clearly not interested in sharing your own experience, so I’d say you’ve had your answer now.

Emotional check ins? 😂

I've now read the whole thread and still don't have the faintest idea what masculine provider energy is, or soft energy. Does it mean i can sit at home and file my nails all day?

Sounds like they mean in order to keep a moneyed man it’s their responsibility (burden?) to make sure he is happy and content at all times.

What if she raises the kids the majority of the time and does the majority if the houseworkand cooking?? Does she still go out to work and pay 50:50?? Bloody hope not.