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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to handle child swearing for attention

82 replies

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 10:57

My 7 year old daughter has been swearing a lot over the last week or so, normal loss of privilege has not had any affect.
she is currently swearing repeatedly while chatting to her sister and I’m just ignoring her so not to reward her with the attention she is trying to get, she’s not angry she’s just smugly swearing more and more for a reaction and now almost every other word is fucking or fuck even to the point she’s singing it to get me to react.
I have taken her Nintendo and began extending the days she lost it but she’s not phased.
She is swearing louder and louder and seems very confused at my lack of reaction, I am calmly thinking of a consequence to give but I’m looking for suggestions.

OP posts:

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 19/04/2025 11:01

What disgusting behaviour. Personally I'd go the 'natural consequence' route - she can go to her room and swear in there. I'd make her room just as boring as you can, absolutely no screens, and have her in there for at least an hour. You behave antisocially, you get ostracised from society - it would be good for her to learn that quickly.

HollyBerryz · 19/04/2025 11:02

If she's doing it for a reaction I think ignoring is the best way to deal with it.

Comedycook · 19/04/2025 11:02

Id send her to her room as soon as she starts.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 19/04/2025 11:02

Sponge and Fairy...
Dare her to speak at school like that and consider those consequences..

Theunamedcat · 19/04/2025 11:04

Walk away from her turn your back and blatantly ignore it

I used to read a very big book I could hide my entire face behind

FionnulaTheCooler · 19/04/2025 11:04

I'd be threatening no Easter eggs if she doesn't pack it in right now.

Original poster

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

OP posts:

Original poster

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

FionnulaTheCooler · 19/04/2025 11:04

I'd be threatening no Easter eggs if she doesn't pack it in right now.

Yes she’s already having no Easter eggs.

OP posts:

yeesh · 19/04/2025 11:08

Sounds like you have more problems than her swearing if you can’t even send her to her room. Is she always badly behaved or a change in her?

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 19/04/2025 11:09

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

Then take her back, wordlessly and without looking at her, every time. Eventually she'll realise you're serious.

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2025 11:09

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

She's 7.
She shouldn't be at this level.
You need to start disciplining and not letting her get away with it. There needs to be consequences.
Find what her currency is and remove it.
Even if she's swearing for attention, you still need to act rather than ignore it because if she does the same as school there's going to be a problem.

You seem to say there's no point in even trying with discipline because she will ignore you. That's a cop out. How's that going to go when she's 14?

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:10

ignore it, completely.

then have a calm conversation about why we don't swear, and manners.

but ignore it. you've tried harsh, you've tried punishment, she is still doing it.

So stop giving her the attention. THey're just words.

Screamingabdabz · 19/04/2025 11:10

Just correct them every time and get them to repeat the sentence correctly. It’ll soon get tedious for them.

homeedmam · 19/04/2025 11:11

Sounds like there's other things going on?
What is she like at school?

NineteenSeventyNine · 19/04/2025 11:12

Alongside the obvious withholding privileges, talk to her! Ask where she learnt that language and why she feels the need to use it. Is she angry/upset about something? Why does she feel she isn’t getting enough attention? Is she spending too much time on the Nintendo and not enough time being engaged with? She’s only 7 - it’s your job try to figure this out and help her through it while maintaining firm boundaries about acceptable behaviour.

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:12

At the moment, you've taken her easter eggs, and you've taken her nintendo, now you're talking about taking he freedom. over swearing?

Come on.

What reason does she have to stop now? it couldn't get any worse for her.

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:13

Have you tried to talk to her and ask her about it? Or just gone straight to punishment?

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 19/04/2025 11:14

My mum shamed me out of that when I was a kid. She very calmly asked me if I knew how silly I looked swearing and how embarrassing it was for everyone? Basically the whole 'nobody things you are clever' scathing speech. She did it in front of people and I was so embarrassed it shut me up immediately. The calmness and no shouting made it so much worse.
I'd talk to her personally. A real sit down chat, asking her why she's doing it and what the consequences will be if she chooses to carry on.

Maray1967 · 19/04/2025 11:14

Yes, repeatedly take her up to her room. Say nothing. Do it as many times as it takes.

Later on have a conversation with her where you calmly tell her what will not be happening if the swearing continues - but you need to decide what you can follow through with. Mine would be to stop any activities eg Brownies, sport, dancing etc - and any parties including her best friend’s. Stay calm but firm. She might well begin to reflect tomorrow when her sibling has Easter eggs and she has none. It might well sink in then.

BookArt55 · 19/04/2025 11:16

Take her back to her room, over and over. Do not talk, do not react. It will be draining, emotionally and physically, but if you don't do this now while you can carry her, if needed, then imagine how bad this will be when she's a teen?
As kindly as I can say, stop taking the road of least resistance for an easy life now because really you are just making a nightmare for yourself in the future.
Make sure you stick to every consequence you give, do not give an inch. If there are other children then make sure you are constantly praising them for every small thing and continuing with rewards 'oh wow you came so quickly when I called you. Great job'. If your 7 year old does make good decisions, no matter how small, then praise her to her directly or to others so she hears you from the other room. Means a lot.
After, get her alone, maybe in the car, and talk to her about why she does it. If she has no answer then explain it seems like she wants attention which is understandable but you won't give her negative attention. Maybe suggest doing something together, like cooking dinner, and then the two of you can have a mummy and daughter date when she earns it (we have a jar with 25 stars, the kids get a treat when they earn the stars) so helping with dinner would get a star or two. Etc.

Original poster

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:17

homeedmam · 19/04/2025 11:11

Sounds like there's other things going on?
What is she like at school?

She’s so good at school but she does struggle she’s like a shaken coke bottle when she gets home because she tries so hard at school.
She just gets so much pleasure from being deliberately rude and unkind to everyone.

OP posts:

Madthings · 19/04/2025 11:18

What is ahe like generally, how is school. Sounds like you have other issues going on. I would be looking at bigger picture and seeing what support is needed.

BoredZelda · 19/04/2025 11:18

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

Sounds like bigger issues at play here.

BlueMum16 · 19/04/2025 11:19

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

She's 7.

You need to parent.

Put her in her room. Keep sending her back.

You need to have more determination than her.

Do you have a partner to help?

Madthings · 19/04/2025 11:21

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:17

Show quote history

Ok sounds like masking and once at she can't. She isn't being deliberately rude and horrible. She needs help. Sounds a lot like equalising behaviour.

I would be looking at ND, possibly pda with the shock language as this type of thing is very common with that.

For reference I have 4 autistic, adhd children, one pda and work in complex needs school.

This behaviour is communication and with you describing the coke bottle effect this is a very common pattern of behaviour particularly in autistic girls who mask highly at school.

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