How to handle child swearing for attention

[cloudywithstars]

My 7 year old daughter has been swearing a lot over the last week or so, normal loss of privilege has not had any affect.
she is currently swearing repeatedly while chatting to her sister and I’m just ignoring her so not to reward her with the attention she is trying to get, she’s not angry she’s just smugly swearing more and more for a reaction and now almost every other word is fucking or fuck even to the point she’s singing it to get me to react.
I have taken her Nintendo and began extending the days she lost it but she’s not phased.
She is swearing louder and louder and seems very confused at my lack of reaction, I am calmly thinking of a consequence to give but I’m looking for suggestions.

Stop treating her like a friend.

You are her mother.

It would be off to her room if she was one of mine. At 7 she would be carried if she didn’t go, and then she would be returned there every single time she left and continued to swear. You’ll have siblings doing it too if this keeps on.
it will be a tough day, but better now than having an out of control child.

What about any of that makes you think she isn't?

Do you not do crafts, cooking..etc or make conversations with your children?

My DD knows i'm her mother, but i am also her friend and she can be safe talking to me about anything and everything she is doing/going through/experiencing.

Children learn emotional intelligence through modelled behaviour and appropriate conversations about feelings/emotions.

Does her dad live with you?

Can you tag team? I’d be taking her sister to the park whilst the other stays at home and takes her to her room every single time she does it.

All those things are totally normal mother behaviours.

She is getting something from the behaviour but I doubt it is pleasure.

Take her back each time. You are the adult.

He does but is at work today, they are making Easter cards for their grandparents and she is colouring while repeating the word fuck over and over occasionally looking up and saying I’ve been good today and carrying on.
Ive told him she’s not getting any eggs tomorrow while her sister will but he thinks we should keep them back and she can earn one at a time for being good for a day.

Do you have any idea what that could be

If punishment isn’t working it might be time for a new approach. Take her aside quietly and with kind curiosity ask her why she’s doing it. What’s the root of this behaviour, why is she so desperate for attention even if it’s negative? Tell her you can see she’s crying out for attention and ask why that is. She may not tell you immediately. Let her know you won’t be responding to swearing, but you’re there when she’s ready to talk about what’s really going on. Then carry on not even acknowledging the swearing.

You can also let her know that if you can’t trust her to be polite in company, you can’t risk taking her out or having people over. And stick to that boundary. It won’t have immediate effect but she will get bored.

I would also be investigating where she’s hearing this language - who has been swearing in front of her and is it a situation where you need to intervene?

It's the sitting down and having a conversation as if she's an equal rather than the activities. It's the combination of that and the 'i can't take her to her room and leave her' that screams there's a problem.

You really need to separate her from her sister.

Does she repeat other words to herself at other times?

I would maybe remove siblings to colour out of earshot of the swearing.

But it really sounds like there is something more going on here. The traditional strategies are clearly not working. There is more to her behaviour than needing boundaries as posters are suggesting.

Really think you need some further support to look at bigger picture.

You have a much bigger problem than just the swearing then. If at 7 you have no control over her you need to start asserting yourself, she doesn’t appear to have much respect for boundaries, I think you need to start taking charge.

Some kids enjoy the thrill of being naughty, and swearing is a great way to be naughty, as well as being cool, in their eyes at least, as it's edgy and teenagery. She doesn't want to be labelled the bad girl in school, so she keeps it for home, as she doesn't care if you think she's behaving badly.

A PP suggested that you tell her you're going to talk to her favourite teacher about it - I think this is a great idea, she obviously cares what her teachers think.

You do need to tackle this, to reset your relationship with need to tell her, ignoring her doesn't mean she won't still swear with her sibling, and she might start to use bad language with her friends to impress them. Their parents may find it harder to ignore.

You need to sort some way of discipling her - punishments/rewards - there's loads of good stuff online.

She's only 7, so I'm sure you csn turn this around with different parenting style.

I was saying she talks to me about anything and everything so it’s not as if she is trying to tell me something is wrong or get my attention because she talks non stop and if there’s a problem at school etc she will always come and talk to me about it.

Could it be a verbal stim. My asd DS does this as a way of controlling his emotions.

That I don't know - could be attention, compulsive behaviour, a way of trying to manage overwhelming emotions, because she feels bad about herself.

If she is ND then all the advice about just increasing pressure and punishment isn't going to work.

I see where you’re coming from but it’s only been the last couple of days she’s been saying it and today’s behaviour.
Not that’s it’s definitely not but I think it’s more that she knows she’s is in control of what comes out of her mouth and nobody else can stop her.
She enjoys the challenge when it comes to any authority and seems to get a thrill from being defiant.

Sounds like a verbal stim or a form of tourettes. I'd be seeking medical advice or additional support

My daughter discovered the F word at roughly the same age (though never said it out loud - she put it in her schoolbook!!) I said as she loved it so much, she could cover a sheet of A4 paper with it, normal size (like doing lines). I made her sit until she’d written it out a couple of hundred times and was sick of the sight of it. Then I made her rip it up and put it in the bin*. She soon didn’t find it so thrilling anymore.

*on bin day all the fuckfetti blew all the way down the road.

Yes this worked really well on one of my children. It was outlined in a book I bought (happier calm parenting or something like that) ‘descriptive praise’. Worked like magic for him when everything else had failed.

it’s not always the solution and doesn’t work on my other child. But when it works it works REALLY well.

fuckfetti.. properly made me LOL, best phrase of the day!

My late mother once said to my niece (her granddaughter) who was exhibiting similar behaviour whilst my sister (girl's mum) was unable to handle it. She said to girl: "You know darling, I don't like you very much at the moment. I love you, and always will, but I don't like you when you do this. And neither will anyone else." This was said in a calm, quiet way, with a very serious face. We were all horrified and appalled that she would speak to a child like that. But it was like a cup of cold water to the face, my niece was so taken aback that Granny could speak to her like that. Niece grew into a lovely you g woman. But I still wonder about it.

I would put a lock on the door if necessary