New puppy for depressed friend

[Bumblebaee]

A friend of mine got a puppy 4 weeks ago and I am beginning to worry slightly. What would you do?

Friend has severe mental health issues and is heavily medicated. Friend has also been sectioned multiple times in the past few years and the most recent time was around 5 months ago.

Friend struggles to maintain personal hygiene and a clean environment (friend does not brush teeth daily/ does not bathe/ does not change clothes even if they smell or are visibly soiled/ does not wash hair or brush hair) and so therefor puppy stinks, the house now smells of dog and dog urine. Friend also does NOT own a washing machine so dog bed (which smells like urine due to puppy accidents) also stinks. I have gone over to bath the puppy and showed my friend how to (although it was my first time) but friend has not done it since.

Friend struggles to keep motivated so even taking puppy out for a walk is too hard (even if dog needs the toilet) so accidents are being done inside the house. Friend is too demotivated to clean the accidents also. Urine is left to air dry. I bought friend puppy pads but she doesn’t use them. When I come over - I put them out; but when I return- the same soiled puppy pad is often left in the same spot with more urine in other areas.

Friend has no TV in the house, has no visitors, does not leave the house (before puppy; friend once stayed inside her home for 7 consecutive months and did not bathe in this time) and so therefore puppy seems bored mindless and is showing signs of reckless behaviour (which is normal for puppies but I believe is exasperated due to being understimulated). Friend will take puppy for a mini walk for toileting (no more than a 5 min walk) however if puppy does not toilet in this time - he is taken back indoors. If puppy then shows signs of toileting again; friend will make all sorts of excuses to avoid taking dog out again and so therefore puppy urinates and poos all over the house. This often does not get cleaned up and urine is left to dry.

This does worry me as the breed of dog is a Rottweiler (and from what friend said, the mother and father were large). My friend has no experience in dogs and only decided on that specific puppy due to the price being cheaper than the rest of the puppies she saw online when browsing. My friend is being monitored by MH professionals however as visits are pre booked: friend will shower/ tidy the home enough to make it seem as though she is coping (although she isn’t). I am concerned about puppy and worried once puppy gets big - she will become too large and will be too untamed for my friend to handle. Some part of me thinks she will then give the dog to me to deal with.

Would you say anything to your friend in this situation?
I do go over to help but I don’t live with friend or the puppy so ideally need to kick start friend into doing this herself. I think friend thinks she is doing OK (which in some ways she is) but what can I do/ say to make her realise she needs to fix up if she is to keep the dog?

I'm already seeing signs in friend as I have seen before she was last sectioned and she has already started making comments about how hard it is to have a dog.

FFS get the poor creature out of there!

Report to RSPCA. A puppy is more likely to be rehomed than destroyed. It’s clearly not improving her/his well-being

You need to report this to the rspca or sspca!! This dog is being neglected and will end up with the dog and your friend living in filth. Which it sounds like they do already? Can you also report to social worker they need more support although not sure what would be available.

You need to talk to the RSPCA and explain the full situation. If they won't listen, try Dogs Trust.

When you visit, try and get photo and video evidence.

Your friend may be upset if the dog is removed etc, but she clearly needs a lot more help and support than she is getting. And the dog is doomed to become a other rescue with problems if you don't do this.

Thanx for the replies.

I don’t want the the RSPCA involved as I genuinely believe it would tip her over the edge. I think I may have to convince her to do better or worst case scenario I may have to convince her to give the dog to me (which isn’t ideal as I don’t particularly want a Rottweiler; but I have formed a bond with the puppy as I tend to go over frequently to check he is doing OK and take him for walks) and would rather keep him than see him end up in a shelter due to no fault of his own.

Agreed, get it to the rspca or similar. It’s not helping your friend in any way so don’t feel bad about helping it get a more suitable home

It would be a shame to see the dog go as I know my friend bought her impulsively and dedicated the puppy her new support dog. It would definitely affect her if the dog had to go - but ultimately I don’t know how long she (or puppy) can continue like this.

Could you take the puppy 'temporarily' to house train and socialise it, then see how she is doing?

Where did she get it from? A breeder should take it back. ‘Tip her over the edge’? She’s already there. What help is she getting? Have you been in touch with social services? The puppy is one thing but she seems in a very bed way. Take the puppy or report it - it’s cruel to let it live in those conditions. Then get your friend some help.

Knowing the RSPCA I doubt this would meet the threshold to have it removed unfortunately. You say she's able to tody enough to pass visits.

Could you speak to her frankly? Ask he what life is she giving this dog? Does she think it's fair?

I don't think you are going to be able to persuade her to look after this dog. She sounds really unwell. Either you need to take him or someone else does.

Is your friend getting any help other than the medicine? You're being a really kind friend to help her so much but she sounds like she needs a lot more help from medical professionals.

I would love to but I don’t have the time honestly. I work full time and have 2 young children…I have offered to have the puppy at my house for a few weekends so hopefully that will give the puppy a break and a new environment.

The puppy will grow into an untrained bored muscle machine.

And you're willing to have that around your children how long?

The only solution may be you leaving her to it.

She got the dog on Facebook from what I’m aware. It was on a rehoming group for dogs.

I haven’t been in touch with social services as my friend is being monitored by professionals. I don’t know the ins and outs of it all (I have only been ‘friends’ with this woman for around a year- long story) and she only tells me bits and pieces of her condition and her life. I do know that she is having more visits than professionals usually would as they know friend has issues with keeping her home clean and habitable. I know even when she tidies up for them to visit - it’s certainly not clean by any means (just not as messy as it usually is) but they do give her warnings and targets and check on her progression from what I am aware.

I completely agree. She does need more help although I have to say - based on what I can see; I don’t know what else can be done apart from sectioning her again and having someone constantly monitoring her.

She is better than she was when I met her (less manic as she is now taking her medication daily - from what she has told me although did say this before and it turned out she was NOT taking them) and she has made improvements but certainly nowhere where she needs to be.

I think the biggest issue is the personal hygiene. She doesn’t bathe or brush her teeth and never tidies her home. It was difficult to visit when she was alone (walls covered in grime/ bathroom covered in hair and mess/ skid marks up the walls) but it’s starting to get worst with the puppy now as it’s the same mess but now with wet floors (urine)/ dried dog poop/ dog food strewn over the floor/ puppy pads soaked. I honestly believe she is demotivated but also have come to the conclusion that she may have been neglected also as a child and so therefore has no idea how to do things most adults do.

Do not take an untrained puppy, it's not house trained, toilets indoors, isn't socialised and is a large strong breed that you wouldn't choose. If she's already saying its hard she has some insight, I'd advise her to rehome it for both their sakes.

To be fair - that is a point. I think I need to either take the puppy from now (whilst young enough to train) otherwise he is doomed. Once he becomes too large I won’t feel comfortable taking him anyway as I don’t have experience with dogs - only had to learn what to do with her puppy as she seems clueless.

@MissMoneyFairy Thank you. I agree with you.

The perceived ‘benefits’ to your friend’s significant and long standing mental health problems (which, let’s face it, based on the severity you describe, will not be improved by a dog), should NOT be at the expense of a poor innocent animal’s welfare who had no say in being put in this living environment.
Dogs live a long time and I see no evidence - based on what you describe of her previous or current behaviours - of anything improving for this poor dog. I think you are willingly choosing to be blind to the severity of this situation. You absolutely are obliged to report this to the RSPCA. It is animal neglect and is serving no-one. By not reporting it you are also complicit. Do the right thing.

What sort of accommodation is she in, if she's not taking her medication, smears faeces, self neglects what help does she actually have, is she in supported housing. If she's hospitalised again the dog will be removed anyway. Much easier to rehome a puppy than an adult dog.

Going by my tattoo artist dog Rotties need constant and consistent training they are incredibly hard dogs to handle you need to know exactly what your doing otherwise they will become completely unruly my tattoo artist has gone through I don’t know how many dog trainers because her dog is that difficult for her it must’ve cost her thousands in dog trainers and she’s still dog and people reactive. Please try and convince your friend to let someone else have the dog Rotties are not a dog that you want to have if you have no idea what your doing and your not willing to train them properly. That dog needs a much better home.

Rotties get a bad rep and most of the ones I've known are chill really laid back.

Your friend is abusing this dog. She is not allowing the dog to hit proper training milestones, the dog isn't just not being walked it isn't being correctly socialised. She will end up with a dog that does not know the correct response to strangers. This could manifest as aggression, fear, over excitement etc.

She's also not cleaning up after it. This is a huge hygiene issue for them both. She isn't house training the dog, if she doesn't start now it may be that the dog cannot be house broken properly in the future.

If the dog isn't left alone briefly in controlled increasing incriments, it will destroy things when it inevitably is left (and it's a big dog they can eat through doors).

She's wrecking not only this animals life but it's potential to find a home in the future when she inevitably cannot cope with it.

She should re-home it while it still stands a chance.

Why did she get the dog? Why did nobody stop her? I don't think somebody who can barely brush their teeth can care for any living thing.

She is living in social housing by herself. I did talk to her about what might happen in the case of her being hospitalised again but she feels that won’t happen as she is now taking her medication (which I believe she is taking however she is by no means healthy or well.

the skid marks on the walls I think I have been there for years (certainly not fresh and was there when I first visited her house just before she was sectioned last). She has returned home and has been out of hospital for around 5 months now but she has not cleaned the walls and I doubt ever will. This is the same for most walls. They aren’t all smeared in poo but there is obvious dirt and grime that has been there for years and she doesn’t clean it. I assume it’s part of her condition as I know some people with depression and MH issues struggle with hygiene and personal cares.

I am going to speak to her again tomorrow to voice my concerns diplomatically and convince her to rehome the puppy.

Thank you. On that note - I think that has confirmed that I will definitely not be taking the dig if this doesn’t work out. Even more reason for me to convince her to rehome. And I think as a last resort I will have to contact a shelter.

The RSPCA are a charity and have no more legal right to gain entry or remove animals than you or I or any other private person does.