New puppy for depressed friend

[Bumblebaee]

A friend of mine got a puppy 4 weeks ago and I am beginning to worry slightly. What would you do?

Friend has severe mental health issues and is heavily medicated. Friend has also been sectioned multiple times in the past few years and the most recent time was around 5 months ago.

Friend struggles to maintain personal hygiene and a clean environment (friend does not brush teeth daily/ does not bathe/ does not change clothes even if they smell or are visibly soiled/ does not wash hair or brush hair) and so therefor puppy stinks, the house now smells of dog and dog urine. Friend also does NOT own a washing machine so dog bed (which smells like urine due to puppy accidents) also stinks. I have gone over to bath the puppy and showed my friend how to (although it was my first time) but friend has not done it since.

Friend struggles to keep motivated so even taking puppy out for a walk is too hard (even if dog needs the toilet) so accidents are being done inside the house. Friend is too demotivated to clean the accidents also. Urine is left to air dry. I bought friend puppy pads but she doesn’t use them. When I come over - I put them out; but when I return- the same soiled puppy pad is often left in the same spot with more urine in other areas.

Friend has no TV in the house, has no visitors, does not leave the house (before puppy; friend once stayed inside her home for 7 consecutive months and did not bathe in this time) and so therefore puppy seems bored mindless and is showing signs of reckless behaviour (which is normal for puppies but I believe is exasperated due to being understimulated). Friend will take puppy for a mini walk for toileting (no more than a 5 min walk) however if puppy does not toilet in this time - he is taken back indoors. If puppy then shows signs of toileting again; friend will make all sorts of excuses to avoid taking dog out again and so therefore puppy urinates and poos all over the house. This often does not get cleaned up and urine is left to dry.

This does worry me as the breed of dog is a Rottweiler (and from what friend said, the mother and father were large). My friend has no experience in dogs and only decided on that specific puppy due to the price being cheaper than the rest of the puppies she saw online when browsing. My friend is being monitored by MH professionals however as visits are pre booked: friend will shower/ tidy the home enough to make it seem as though she is coping (although she isn’t). I am concerned about puppy and worried once puppy gets big - she will become too large and will be too untamed for my friend to handle. Some part of me thinks she will then give the dog to me to deal with.

Would you say anything to your friend in this situation?
I do go over to help but I don’t live with friend or the puppy so ideally need to kick start friend into doing this herself. I think friend thinks she is doing OK (which in some ways she is) but what can I do/ say to make her realise she needs to fix up if she is to keep the dog?

I'm already seeing signs in friend as I have seen before she was last sectioned and she has already started making comments about how hard it is to have a dog.

@tinyspiny thank you. I will contact them today.

in regards to my friend; I feel your right. She does need help. I have no clue where to start. I will take your advise and contact someone but honestly I don’t know what GP she uses so I can’t contact her GP (and she probably wouldn’t tell me details if I asked as I assume she would be suspicious that I’m asking).

I can't even finish the OP, please, please, please get the puppy out of there before even more, irreversible damage is done.

Get that dog out of there ASAP and then extricate yourself from this “friendship” or you’re going to end up taking on more and more responsibilities.
What does she actually bring to the “friendship?”

I completely hear everything you’re saying. In regards to the friendship…I am starting to rethink this as like you said; it’s causing me stress.

I think as I’m naturally someone who will help if I can so I end up getting too caught up but ultimately this isn’t my problem to fix.

im getting ready now to go and see her and the puppy and will be having some serious words. I will also convince her to give the dog to me (if she can’t cope) and I’ll have to give the dog to a shelter or someone who I know can handle him. Just not her unfortunately. She will hate me but I can’t sit back and watch anymore.

Christ on a bike. These posters saying that the breeder will take the puppy back - no they won't. Because the sort of irresponsible nitwit that sold to OPs friend is not the sort of person who will take a puppy back. And, OP has said, the friend got it off facebook.

The dogs need re-homing asap. Mental health is never an excuse or justification to abuse a pet - and OP knows that. Honestly, OP, if you have no luck with your friend listening to you then I'd ring the police and report it as animal abuse - because it is. I'd also be reporting her to the relevant authorities because dogs like Rotties do not belong in one-bed flats.

I'm going to be blunt - if the dog isn't removed soon, it's going to end up being PTS in a year or so.

I'd be ending the friendship as soon as the dog was gone - animal abusers aren't people anyone should be friends with and mental health is never an excuse to abuse another a living being.

Leave her to it. You stepping in and doing things for your friend won't change things long term.

This is a disaster waiting to happen. I know a few people with Rottweilers and they are lovely dogs but they need a lot of training. It needs to be socialised with other dogs and needs to go to puppy classes and as it gets older will need further training.

I would get in touch with a dog charity and explain the situation. Hopefully it can be rehomed with someone who can put in the time and effort before it develops severe behavioural problems and has to be pts.

Thank you. I agree with you. I feel the friendship is now done but honestly I just want to save the puppy, seek help for her and step back. I don’t think I I can fix this.

@Kardamyli2

I agree with what you’re saying but honestly I can’t leave the puppy knowing it’s not right. I would even rather take or rehome the puppy and if the friendship ends - it ends. But I honestly can’t leave the dog there knowing ultimately what may happen.

I’m not even a dog person but knowing it’s just a puppy and its life already seems bleak is so sad to think of.

The puppy needs rehoming and promptly.

Firstly, the hygiene situation is not appropriate for the pup or your friend.

In addition, the puppy is getting no socialisation other than with you. Socialisation is an essential part of raising a pup so that it grows into a well rounded adult. This pup is a Rottweiler so socialisation is especially important otherwise it will become an adult dog suspicious of, and highly likely to be aggressive towards, strangers and other dogs. It goes without saying these are very powerful dogs.

The puppy is getting no exercise to speak of beyond 5 minutes and no mental stimulation either. These two factors will cause increasing frustration in this young dog leading to destructive behaviours and possible aggression towards your friend.

Rottweilers are extremely bright dogs and need an outlet for both their physical and mental energy.

I'm very sorry for what your friend is going through but the life this puppy is being subjected to is cruel. I recommend you speak to your friend and explain the puppy isn't going to thrive in her environment and it would be best to hand the pup over to Rottweiler Rescue.

In that case you will need to either persuade your friend to give you the dog or just take the dog from her.

It’d be irresponsible of you, as a parent, to take the dog, even temporarily. You don’t know its family history, your friend isn’t training it and it could well present a danger to your DC and you.

That you even considered it suggests some possible issues regarding your judgment and boundaries for yourself in this situation with your friend.

Your friend is not actually your problem. Her issues have been going on for years, and she's on the radar of the professionals. Honestly, you're not going to be able to fix her. I'd probably consider making one phone call to social services to say how she seems to be covering when the mental health team visit, and then step back.

Put your energy into your own family and life.

If thats how you feel then thats your prerogative; but my suggestion in taking in the dog was based on the dog still being relatively young and still able to be trained if I (or someone) intervenes now.

Most puppies I’m assuming are socialised and adapt to their surroundings so I would of course train the dog and ensure it doesn’t become wild and ill mannered. My suggestion in taking in the dog is also based on the fact that at the moment I seem to be the one my friend calls/ asks when she needs advice on the dog and I am the one who prompts friend to do things with the dog so if I had to take it on full time - it’s something I could consider.

If you feel my judgment and boundaries are in the wrong place - because I have told her to rehome the dog and have come online to get support in how to manage the situation - that’s your opinion.

Thank you. I agree. In terms of getting her help; do I just call social services and tell them her name and address and ask them to check on her?

I don’t have social workers number/ MH professionals or GP’s details. I don’t even know all of her details.

This is really sad. Puppies need a lot of work putting in whilst they are still young, it’s a crucial development/training window. The dog needs a regular toilet schedule, several daily walks, play and training.

You could contact adults social care, it sounds like they will already be involved or aware of her. Explain your concerns including about the dog. It may be that one of the professionals visiting can report to RSPCA or discuss options for rehoming with her so that it’s come from them rather than you.

Edited to add you can literally google your area and make a referral to adults social care. There is usually an online form, if not a phone number.

I am that exact person, too. That’s why I am telling you to get out now.
Spent 3 years trying to rescue someone and still feeling the repercussions from it in many ways.

@TryingToRecover Thank you for your kind words. I will act on this now.

You need to alert the RSPCA - your friend is not meeting the dogs needs and will be impossible for you to do if you don’t live there

sad for your friend but neglecting an animal isn’t going to help anyone

If you contact the housing association she rents with,they can help.
There are housing officers who will visit and assess the damage to property and can forbid her from keeping a pet without permission.
They may also have contacts with local charities/rehoming groups.
Either email or phone and tell them everything you said on here.
They will probably also be able to contact the mental health team.

I fear that if the pup goes she will get another one or start hoarding cats. It might be worth alerting who ever provides her housing.

Good luck OP. You have a good heart and done your best but as others have said time to pull back for your own sake.

Call the social services with your valid concerns and I know you’ll do your best by the puppy . Poor thing.

Yes, you can't leave that puppy there. Thank you for not abandoning it.

You are a very kind and caring person, but I'm glad to hear that you're going to step back from this friendship - it isn't really a friendship, it's not reciprocated, you're in an unofficial carer role.

Your friend's situation is very sad, she doesn't really seem capable of independent living, but you can't fix her problems. Taking the dog to a shelter is in the dogs and her immidiate interests.

You can call social services in her area to report concerns about a vulnerable adult, I'm sure they'll have a file on her already, but your insight can add to it. Ideally she gets a place in sheltered or supported accommodation, but this is up to her team.

This is shaping up to be an animal abuse case, if it isn’t already. You know this. You need to get that pup out of there by any means necessary. Is she even feeding it properly??