New puppy for depressed friend

[Bumblebaee]

A friend of mine got a puppy 4 weeks ago and I am beginning to worry slightly. What would you do?

Friend has severe mental health issues and is heavily medicated. Friend has also been sectioned multiple times in the past few years and the most recent time was around 5 months ago.

Friend struggles to maintain personal hygiene and a clean environment (friend does not brush teeth daily/ does not bathe/ does not change clothes even if they smell or are visibly soiled/ does not wash hair or brush hair) and so therefor puppy stinks, the house now smells of dog and dog urine. Friend also does NOT own a washing machine so dog bed (which smells like urine due to puppy accidents) also stinks. I have gone over to bath the puppy and showed my friend how to (although it was my first time) but friend has not done it since.

Friend struggles to keep motivated so even taking puppy out for a walk is too hard (even if dog needs the toilet) so accidents are being done inside the house. Friend is too demotivated to clean the accidents also. Urine is left to air dry. I bought friend puppy pads but she doesn’t use them. When I come over - I put them out; but when I return- the same soiled puppy pad is often left in the same spot with more urine in other areas.

Friend has no TV in the house, has no visitors, does not leave the house (before puppy; friend once stayed inside her home for 7 consecutive months and did not bathe in this time) and so therefore puppy seems bored mindless and is showing signs of reckless behaviour (which is normal for puppies but I believe is exasperated due to being understimulated). Friend will take puppy for a mini walk for toileting (no more than a 5 min walk) however if puppy does not toilet in this time - he is taken back indoors. If puppy then shows signs of toileting again; friend will make all sorts of excuses to avoid taking dog out again and so therefore puppy urinates and poos all over the house. This often does not get cleaned up and urine is left to dry.

This does worry me as the breed of dog is a Rottweiler (and from what friend said, the mother and father were large). My friend has no experience in dogs and only decided on that specific puppy due to the price being cheaper than the rest of the puppies she saw online when browsing. My friend is being monitored by MH professionals however as visits are pre booked: friend will shower/ tidy the home enough to make it seem as though she is coping (although she isn’t). I am concerned about puppy and worried once puppy gets big - she will become too large and will be too untamed for my friend to handle. Some part of me thinks she will then give the dog to me to deal with.

Would you say anything to your friend in this situation?
I do go over to help but I don’t live with friend or the puppy so ideally need to kick start friend into doing this herself. I think friend thinks she is doing OK (which in some ways she is) but what can I do/ say to make her realise she needs to fix up if she is to keep the dog?

I'm already seeing signs in friend as I have seen before she was last sectioned and she has already started making comments about how hard it is to have a dog.

You’re welcome please please either help her to rehome the dog with someone who knows what they are doing or a shelter because that type of dog needs someone with the time and the money to train them up properly because they are dangerous when they aren’t trained right and if you have young kids I wouldn’t take the responsibility of the puppy on yourself. Your friend isn’t being at all fair to that poor dog he needs a better home than she can realistically give him and I think deep down she knows that.

i completely agree with you. I will be having a chat with her tomorrow and if that fails I’m contacting a shelter.

in regards to why did she get the dog? It was an impulsive buy. I have noticed she does this (which I assume is part of her condition). The second she gets her benefits she will spend crazily. 2 months ago she bought a 3D printer (although had no need to buy one) and it is still in her home in the box. The month before that she bought a t shirt logo printing machine as she had an idea of selling T shirts. She hasn’t made 1 T-Shirt yet. Last month it was the puppy (which I did question as I felt wasn’t necessary and she could have used that money to buy a washing machine or even top up her gas and electric as her heating is always off/ disconnected when I visit) and she said she just wanted a dog after watching a video of another person with MH issues getting a dog and saying they felt it helped them with their recovery. I did express that she had a long way before she was at that point but she had already got the dog (and was already apprehensively talking about being worried about how big the puppy will grow).

it doesn’t quite make sense but if I’m honest; alot of the things she does don’t make sense to me. Hence why I don’t believe she has thought this through.

I hate to say it but she doesn’t even own a fridge. All meals are takeaway meals that get delivered to the door. She can’t cook. Doesn’t know how to do most basic things most adults can do (even young adults). She did talk about wanting to have a baby when I first met her but that was shortly before being sectioned so may have been the mania.

I clicked the wrong one by mistake. Poor dog needs to get out. Please help it! 🙏

Dogs Trust

@TeaAndTattoos

Believe it or not, my friend believe it’s only hard now as puppy is young. She is convinced once puppy grows to an adult dog - everything will be easier. She can’t wait for the puppy to be more mellow, need less walks and can stay in the crate for a few hours for if and when she decides to go back to work.

even typing that paragraph out has made it even more clear that this is definitely NOT going to work.

That poor puppy. Whatever ‘Facebook rehoming group’ let her have the dog have a lot to answer for. It can’t be a legitimate rescue/rehoming charity or group because they’d surely need to undertake a home visit to check she and her home are suitable.
She needs to give up the dog to a rescue/rehoming centre. I hope you can persuade her but at the end of the day what she wants is irrelevant, that dog will suffer and could become dangerous when it’s older. It needs to be removed whether she likes it or not.

A full grown Rottweiler untrained and bored will become a danger to her and others. Fairer to get it rehomed via a shelter. Not Facebook. Poor dog.

Also, She’s self neglecting and is clearly unwell.

All dogs need to be trained and socialised as puppies so they grow up to be balanced and friendly. The situation you describe is not at all fair on the dog. It will grow up to have no manners and be poorly socialised which is dangerous for such a large dog.

It's important that you act on the best interests for the dog now, not a vague point in the future. The longer it is unsocialised and untrained the harder it will be to find it a new home.

You don't need to take this puppy into your home - it's going to be very big, and even if well trained and sweet natured, you'll find that other parents don't want to let their kids go to your house due to having a scary dog.

The dog needs to be out of the current set up, it's cruel to treat a dog this way, and dangerous with a powerful dog like a Rottweiler.

You've only know this friend for a year, but you seem to have a major role in her life. She sounds very unwell, but the fact that she can clean herself and her flat up when support workers visit, shows a certain amount of motiviation to keep her current living conditions. If you tell her that her support team are not likely to think the dog is a positive, especially as she's not looking after it, she may be open to you taking it to a shelter.

This does seem to be a very demanding relationship for you, which causes you a lot of stress and worry. I think you shouldn't take responsibility for her wellbeing, keeping her flat clean etc - let her team know how bad it really is, but it's not your role as a relatively new friend to sort her life out. Your kids need to be your priority.

I second the above poster. I thought this was a life long friend, I get you're trying to help her but it sounds like you barely know her and have somehow ended up being her carer! You sound like a great friend but she is not your responsibility, she sounds seriously unwell. I'd get the dog situation sorted and take a step back, you can still be a friend without taking on such a demanding role.

I'm surprised that supported housing allows a dog unless it's a service or therapy dog, especially when they know the tenant is unwell and neglecting themselves. I agree with pp about you helping. It might be better in the longrun if you don't help anymore. The staff will get a better more realistic idea of how she's managing and it will take its toll on you.

Thank you. I agree with everything you said.

this is one of the reasons I pulled away from the friendship shortly after meeting her and seeing the severity of the situation as it was stressful and wore me down (although I wasn’t physically doing anything but just being in and around her and her environment was quite triggering) so I explained that I needed to step back for my own mental health and didn’t see her for a few weeks/ months.

I then decided to send a friendly text and after not receiving any responses on social media or via text - I decided to check up on her. When I went to see her, her neighbours told me that she had gone downhill and had been sectioned. After that I said I would check in on her more but I have still kept a healthy distance until she has not got the puppy. Now I’m concerned about the puppy I’ve been going over more regularly- but honestly I can’t keep doing it and neither can she.

You’re also right in saying I am a huge part of her life. She doesn’t have any friends and only has my mother as family (who she doesn’t speak much of and based on what she has said - I assume they aren’t close). I also feel based on what she has said - her mother doesn’t know what to do to help either and as friend often says things are good even when they aren’t; I suppose nobody really knows how bad things are but possibly me as I’m the only person who goes into her house (apart from when professionals visit).

It’s not supported living. It’s social housing. A one bedroom flat on a housing estate.

I am going to voice my concerns to her again, sort the dog and pull back again. Thanks

If she’s capable of cleaning up for professionals coming she could do it for the puppy she doesn’t want to. Puppies are hard work even if you are ful of energy. I would report her to rspca as this fog will grow up unhappy/begaviour issues if not trained/exercised. And could become a violent dog. She needs to get help but it’s not fair an innocent animal suffer in the mean time

You need to have a chat to her about the dogs needs not being met, and does she want you to help rehome the puppy. She clearly cannot manage it.

She also needs to read her lease about having a dog and maintaining the property

Omg reading that is breaking me. My own rottweiler died 5 years go.
Imo you offer to take it for a walk then walk it straight to a shelter /rescue...
Get ringing round and find it a place. Or you are in cahoots with her.. She is effectively abusing it.
She needs reporting herself to the local adult services... She can't manage a human never mind a ddog. Especially a rotty.

Find a reputable shelter that will take the dog and take it right there - I have no idea how realistic this is btw but am hopefully it can be done

this poor woman is in a right state and while you are very kind to help, I don’t think you need to or realistically can

you can however do what’s best for the dog

Rotties are the most beautiful, patient, caring, loyal loving dogs, they are smart too and like all dogs need to be trained and loved.

Pups should only be walked 5 mins per month of their age for the first year to prevent contributing to arthritic and back end problems as they get older. So if he is 3 months old, he should be getting a walk of 15 mins twice a day maximum.

My colleague brings her two into the office every day and they're good as gold but she did train them as pups.

Another friend has two also and they are the most biddable souls but again we'll looked after and well trained from a young age.

I work with dogs and rotties are undoubtedly one of my favourite breeds. You've got a good idea what the wee ones personality is by now having seen him so often, the trick will be getting him somewhere and with someone that will be able to meet his needs properly and let him grow into the amazing dog he will be.
Rarely are problem dogs the problem, 99% of the time it's the owners who need to be trained but don't realise it. They bring trainers in to work with the dog but don't take on the advice about themselves and don't change their own behaviour then wonder why the training hasn't "worked"

I wish the doggy and your friend all the best but it doesn't sound like a good match for the pup.

Please rethink your priorities. Being unwell doesn’t give her the right to mistreat a living animal with no control over its own circumstances.

If your friend gets sectioned then the puppy will need to go anyway. Get it rehomed while he’s still young and trainable. It’s no life for the poor dog.

No reputable group or individual would rehome any dog to someone like your friend, let alone a Rottweiler puppy. I dread to think where that poor, poor puppy came from.

She bought it on Facebook…not all groups are run by reptuable breeders…

My priority is obviously trying to find a solution for the dog. I’m aware the set up isn’t right.

@Bumblebaee contact Rottie Friends Rescue and soul man sanctuary and see if they can take the puppy , they are in Somerset but the puppy can be transported easily enough . Unfortunately although you are trying to help your friend you cannot allow an innocent animal to suffer , personally I’d be contacting her mental health team or GP and telling them about your concerns for her self care etc .