New puppy for depressed friend

[Bumblebaee]

A friend of mine got a puppy 4 weeks ago and I am beginning to worry slightly. What would you do?

Friend has severe mental health issues and is heavily medicated. Friend has also been sectioned multiple times in the past few years and the most recent time was around 5 months ago.

Friend struggles to maintain personal hygiene and a clean environment (friend does not brush teeth daily/ does not bathe/ does not change clothes even if they smell or are visibly soiled/ does not wash hair or brush hair) and so therefor puppy stinks, the house now smells of dog and dog urine. Friend also does NOT own a washing machine so dog bed (which smells like urine due to puppy accidents) also stinks. I have gone over to bath the puppy and showed my friend how to (although it was my first time) but friend has not done it since.

Friend struggles to keep motivated so even taking puppy out for a walk is too hard (even if dog needs the toilet) so accidents are being done inside the house. Friend is too demotivated to clean the accidents also. Urine is left to air dry. I bought friend puppy pads but she doesn’t use them. When I come over - I put them out; but when I return- the same soiled puppy pad is often left in the same spot with more urine in other areas.

Friend has no TV in the house, has no visitors, does not leave the house (before puppy; friend once stayed inside her home for 7 consecutive months and did not bathe in this time) and so therefore puppy seems bored mindless and is showing signs of reckless behaviour (which is normal for puppies but I believe is exasperated due to being understimulated). Friend will take puppy for a mini walk for toileting (no more than a 5 min walk) however if puppy does not toilet in this time - he is taken back indoors. If puppy then shows signs of toileting again; friend will make all sorts of excuses to avoid taking dog out again and so therefore puppy urinates and poos all over the house. This often does not get cleaned up and urine is left to dry.

This does worry me as the breed of dog is a Rottweiler (and from what friend said, the mother and father were large). My friend has no experience in dogs and only decided on that specific puppy due to the price being cheaper than the rest of the puppies she saw online when browsing. My friend is being monitored by MH professionals however as visits are pre booked: friend will shower/ tidy the home enough to make it seem as though she is coping (although she isn’t). I am concerned about puppy and worried once puppy gets big - she will become too large and will be too untamed for my friend to handle. Some part of me thinks she will then give the dog to me to deal with.

Would you say anything to your friend in this situation?
I do go over to help but I don’t live with friend or the puppy so ideally need to kick start friend into doing this herself. I think friend thinks she is doing OK (which in some ways she is) but what can I do/ say to make her realise she needs to fix up if she is to keep the dog?

I'm already seeing signs in friend as I have seen before she was last sectioned and she has already started making comments about how hard it is to have a dog.

Say something to her. Her behaviour is so selfish.

A none socialised, not properly looked after Rottweiler puppy is a recipe for disaster. It needs to be removed as soon as possible.

thank you for caring about this puppy. I agree with other posters about rehoming it whilst still young. If you took it what about some doggy day care sessions as I would think that would be the quickest way to get the puppy to learn how to socialise with other dogs. It’s so important they are socialised whilst young. Well done for caring

Makes me sound awful I know but I could not have this person in my life - I would walk away for good. Her ridiculous decisions are not your problem (unless you make them so).

From my own experience of dealing with the RSPCA, the threshold for what they consider appropriate living conditions is mind blowingly low. Also if you contact them after taking the dog they will see it as your problem and be unlikely to help. It may be better to make some enquiries first before you take any action.

Also you have two kids - you owe them; not her and not the dog. Prioritise them, which means never bringing a frustrated, unsocialised, untrained Rottweiler anywhere near them.

The RSPCA will do eff all if the dog has food water and shelter.

I feel so sorry for this poor puppy thank you for caring OP.

This breed in particular needs a large amount of socialisation as a pup and ongoing training or could become a dangerous liability, i hope you can find a home soon ,they are lovely dogs in the right hands.

Report her to the RSPCA. She isn't able to look after a pet.

That is absolutely no reason to make a dog suffer. And I don't even like dogs.

I don't think a rottie pup will pose a danger to you or yoru family OP, some posters have said that, ridiculous. It's a pup! Rotties can be stubborn but they're usually very gentle natured if taught right from a young age. I've known a fair few rotties and all of them were soft sappy lazy things.

I don’t care about her being tipped over the edge. I care about the puppy. If you don’t step in and save the puppy, you are complicit in animal neglect and animal abuse. Sickening and so upsetting. Your friend is horrible. There’s no excuse for animal abuse.

Your best bet is to get her to sign the puppy over to you.

I would probably point out that she stands to lose her tenancy if the house is 'filthy and verminous' and it sounds like it is at least the first part of that.

RSPCA won't do a thing - dog has shelter, food and water.

Rescue shelters will not take a dog that is not yours.

Prepare yourself that you may be looking after this puppy for a while as rescues are rammed full, but having the puppy signed to you and in your care really is the only proper way to do this.

@Bumblebaee don't delude yourself that puppy is helping either your friend or the dog. It's clearly doing neither.

Call the police on their non emergency number and insist the dog is being neglected and abused (which it is). Even if they are unable to do anything, they may be able to make some suggestions about how to remove that dog from her asap. Poor dog dosent deserve that. They do have links with the council dog wardens to so I'd at least speak to them and see what they say

Please contact a breed rescue as a dog like a Rottweiler can go either way - they are lovely dogs if well raised and trained, but can be dangerous if not. You could also speak to a GP or health professional - they cant tell you anything but they can always listen if you call to share concerns. Your friend clearly needs more help than she is getting.

Those people saying the dog's wellbeing is more important than OP's friend's - check your priorities please. I absolutely love dogs, but seriously, we are talking about a human being here! A severely unwell one, who is currently unable to make good choices or care for herself or another animal properly, but nonetheless, a person. There is no reason to suspect this woman is evil - she clearly does not choose to be like this, nobody would. Staggered by the lack of compassion in some of these comments.

OP, it's lovely you have tried to help this woman. I don't think you are obliged to - you do need to put your own and your family's wellbeing first. If you decide to withdraw from the friendship you are entitled to do so, and I am sure you will do it as kindly as possible.

As for the puppy, it does sound as if it is in everyone's interests for it to be rehomed, including your friends. I would say it would be ideal if you can persuade her to voluntarily surrender the puppy to a rescue centre, but if you can't it may be appropriate to report it to RSPCA or similar. But I would urge you to keep in mind that your friend's welfare is the most important thing here. (And yours and your children's obviously - just wanted to reiterate that you are fully entitled to withdraw from the friendship - it does sound like a very challenging one, that may take a toll on your mental health over time.)

I’m very sorry to read about your friend, but I agree with those who say that to keep this pup is (unintentional) abuse. I don’t care what breed it is, although breeding will undoubtedly be a factor, as will size,but poor breeding could have created unwanted traits as it is.

This poor dog, I know you’re trying to help but it’s not enough. How many more stories do we need to read of large dogs cooped up most of the day with owners that are unfit to be dog carers (again often no fault of their own) and then the untrained, bored to death, and frustrated animal reacts. Hindsight then will not help.

Seems like it’s either you adopt it (with a commitment to keep the dog as it’s not fair otherwise), or you report the situation, or just walk away though that just leaves the problem.

OP - have you looked up if there is a breed rescue nearby? It’s very hard for you but it’s not your responsibility to keep your friend out of hospital. It does sound she’s very unwell. Maybe if dogs generally are helpful, could there be any therapets nearby.

@Bumblebaee

I have a neighbour with serious mental health issues who I give a lot of support to. Just before lockdown she got a cross breed German shepherd/bulldog. She took him to training classes which obviously stopped for lockdown. Her mental health nosedived during lockdown and she's barely left the house since.
So this dog has lived for 5 years in one room in a terrace house, we have gardens but not big enough for a large dog. It is untrained, built like a tank and totally out of control. I also believe the dog picks up on her anxieties.
Whilst the dog has never bitten her, she has had some horrendous scratches as the dog pulls at her. He has scratched me and come close to knocking me off my feet. He could very easily knock her over.
I worry about the pair of them, but it's really not fair on the dog.
Don't let this happen to this dog

That’s horrible. So cruel. What have you done to save this dog?

I love how she can afford all these things with one month's benefits each. Rotties aren't cheap.

I'd still be working my arse off to save up to buy the 3D printer!

Off topic but big dogs don't need big gardens.

This is why I loathe dog breeders.
they are so greedy they will sell a poor puppy to someone like this

This is animal cruelty and neglect. She was ridiculous getting it in the first place. If you don’t report to animal services you are complicit in animal cruelty too. She is self neglecting and what is going to happen to the poor animal when she gets sectioned again as will inevitably happen?
Its one thing to be generally unwell and neglecting yourself but it’s quite another to subject an animal to that environment.

There is no 'animal services' in the UK. There are dog wardens, and this is broadly out of their remit as the dog is not out in public... and there are RSPCA inspectors/officers, who have no powers to seize/enter property.

Whilst in theory our animal welfare laws prohibit people keeping animals like this, failing to meet their needs for exercise, training, mental enrichment etc, in practice successful prosecutions are rarely brought unless there is a failure to feed/water/shelter the animal.