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What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

1000 replies

HazelMaker · 18/04/2025 13:11

The 1990s

OP posts:
SnailInMyGingerBeer · 18/04/2025 21:58

Conkerjar · 18/04/2025 13:55

Totally this. Thankfully never needed to be an inpatient but before I had a bit of a MH crash at uni I loved the idea of being like Susanna Cayson in Girl, Interrupted

Susannah Kaysen was treated pretty appallingly . The attitude seemed to be you could diagnose a woman with a serious illness like EUPD/BPD, and then basically tell her she got that way by being self indulgent and lazy. Serious distress resulting in self harm, attempts at suicide and promiscuity being written off as a spoiled white girls problem.

Although as someone who has been in treatment for EUPD/BPD myself, I find it depressing that attitudes to this condition hadn't changed much when I was first diagnosed in the early 2000s. I think middle class women with MH issues generally in the 60s were treated appallingly, valium given out like smarties, (LSD and insulin in the previous decade in the US, and LSD still being used across the pond in RD Laing's hospital). no understanding of complex trauma possibility driving a PD. No Marsha Linehan and her Dalectical Behavioural Therapy until the 80s.

That said the book was more nuanced than the film. I think it was written as one woman's breakdown but the film was very much more about the 60s attitude to mentally ill women from "naice homes" generally . At least that's how it seemed to me.

godmum56 · 18/04/2025 22:01

DoAWheelie · 18/04/2025 20:22

Widowhood.

I've seen so many portrayals of it being "the bad bit before your real life starts, rather than the life destroying event it really is.

Yup, this exactly.

ThisOldThang · 18/04/2025 22:03

Paris.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/04/2025 22:09

Sorry, ThisOldThang. Paris is glorious.

Though went there on my second date with my husband so obviously biased 😁

Dappy777 · 18/04/2025 22:12

Country people.

I HATE seeing the British countryside destroyed by endless house building. I wish with all my heart there weren’t so many people. I yearn to live in a quieter, emptier world. The world’s population trebled between 1900 and 1960, and then it doubled between 1960 and 2000. We’ve gone from one billion people in 1900 to eight billion today.

But, though I long to live in a quieter Britain, with fewer houses, fewer people and fewer cars, I have zero nostalgia for country people. I don’t mean people who lived in the countryside, I mean the real, old rural people (‘peasants’, I guess - though I’m not sure if that’s now an offensive word). I grew up in Suffolk in the 1980s. True country people weren’t rosy-cheeked and warm-hearted. The vast majority were nosy, sly, gossipy, spiteful, secretive, suspicious, tight-lipped, and mean-spirited. Everything you did was watched, and any eccentricity or oddity was twisted and distorted and used against you. They would spread horrible rumours, and not one of them would stick his neck out for anyone else - no matter how innocent. I remember an old woman in a cottage near me who spread a rumour that the woman next door left her children on their own at night (total nonsense). That was typical. Rural people were very different to the urban working class. Working class solidarity would have been incomprehensible to them. Thankfully, the kind of people I’m describing have more or less died out.

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 22:15

Nsky62 · 18/04/2025 20:23

Folk like me have mid stage Parkinson’s, it’s totally crap too

I’ve never experienced anyone romanticise cancer before….

Overhaul54 · 18/04/2025 22:15

@Marshbird I hear you on travel. DH has a job that people think is amazingly glamourous. I know that whist he’s in all sort of fantastic locations he never gets further than the hotel or arena he’s based at. It’s stupid hours, working with random people and he needs to pack meticulously even with an 12 hour turnaround otherwise it could fuck the job up.

Old houses are great as long as you are in front of a roaring log fire or outside in the summer. Otherwise I’ll take the new build.

Grief is definitely romanticised. Ideally you’ll be quietly devastated, get thin, not see people. And then you either rally and face the world stoically or pine away.

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 22:18

Being female.

lol, how very relevant right now. 😬

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 22:21

SnailInMyGingerBeer · 18/04/2025 21:58

Susannah Kaysen was treated pretty appallingly . The attitude seemed to be you could diagnose a woman with a serious illness like EUPD/BPD, and then basically tell her she got that way by being self indulgent and lazy. Serious distress resulting in self harm, attempts at suicide and promiscuity being written off as a spoiled white girls problem.

Although as someone who has been in treatment for EUPD/BPD myself, I find it depressing that attitudes to this condition hadn't changed much when I was first diagnosed in the early 2000s. I think middle class women with MH issues generally in the 60s were treated appallingly, valium given out like smarties, (LSD and insulin in the previous decade in the US, and LSD still being used across the pond in RD Laing's hospital). no understanding of complex trauma possibility driving a PD. No Marsha Linehan and her Dalectical Behavioural Therapy until the 80s.

That said the book was more nuanced than the film. I think it was written as one woman's breakdown but the film was very much more about the 60s attitude to mentally ill women from "naice homes" generally . At least that's how it seemed to me.

Edited

Many of whom could well have had undiagnosed autism.

Finallydoingit24 · 18/04/2025 22:21

Marriage
Relationships
Family get togethers
Blood-ties being more important than anything else
Travelling for work
Living remotely
Being a writer
Being an academic
Selling digital products
Side hustles

Finallydoingit24 · 18/04/2025 22:22

Being your own boss
Renovating houses

Funnywonder · 18/04/2025 22:25

Discovering you have half siblings you didn’t know about. It isn’t all smiles and rainbows. Well, not for me unfortunately.

Nsky62 · 18/04/2025 22:29

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 22:15

I’ve never experienced anyone romanticise cancer before….

Parkinson’s is no less crap, some get well from cancer not Parkinson’s

SnailInMyGingerBeer · 18/04/2025 22:32

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 22:21

Many of whom could well have had undiagnosed autism.

Absolutely . And/or had probably faced some severe complex trauma or attachment issues. But autism especially.

ChronicallyCarryingOn · 18/04/2025 22:34

Having a blue badge. “Oh I’d love to be able to just park anywhere!” I’d actually just love to be able to walk anywhere

Lookuptotheskies · 18/04/2025 22:35

Motherhood.

Marriage.

Romantic relationships.

Co-habitation.

Working all hours.

"Having it all."

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 22:35

SnailInMyGingerBeer · 18/04/2025 22:32

Absolutely . And/or had probably faced some severe complex trauma or attachment issues. But autism especially.

just noticed your username! Ahh, Delict.

Dogaredabomb · 18/04/2025 22:37

scalt · 18/04/2025 13:29

Lockdown. And we must firmly resist and defy any attempt by the government to say “it wasn’t that bad” when they want to use it again.

Sigh. I miss lockdown, it was so lovely.

pictoosh · 18/04/2025 22:38

I see friendship groups have been mentioned a handful of times.

Those are definitely romanticised. Good friends, as in those with whom you really click, rarely come in a handy multi-pack like they do in sitcoms or appear on social media. There will always be one (or two) of the group who you wouldn't bother with given the choice and if you were being honest...and in turn, you will be that person to someone else...and not necessarily the same people.

Some will be solid of course but I think most are pretty fragile.

Dogaredabomb · 18/04/2025 22:39

Sorting out your house and selling your stuff on ebay. It's not worth it.

Dogaredabomb · 18/04/2025 22:40

Sex

Romance

Marriage

Spicy food

Dogaredabomb · 18/04/2025 22:41

Living abroad! NO THANK YOU

katycreativa · 18/04/2025 22:41

Working full time for an employer.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/04/2025 22:43

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 22:15

I’ve never experienced anyone romanticise cancer before….

Not sure that it’s cancer itself that’s romanticised, rather how people respond?

I had cancer in 2016. I was sent lots of flowers, told how brave I was. I wasn’t. I was scared shitless. When I was ok, I was a “survivor”.

Didn’t see myself that way at all. It was a medical condition and I was lucky.

YouFetidMoppet · 18/04/2025 22:45

Working from home. I don't cook elaborate lunches, chip off for a stroll along the beach or get loads of shit done around the house. I work, and if I didn't I'd be sacked.

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