Stop wrapping things up!! (please!)

[ILoveDrivingYey]

I can't stand it when people wrap things up in a fluffy way to protect your feelings etc..

Examples:

1. Instead of 'why have you worn the same top every day this week to work?' I was asked "what do you think would be the reason why someone would choose to wear the same clothes each day?" (Externalising the problem, not making about me)

1. Instead of: 'can you make the reports longer please', I get something like 'I love the way you write. It's so eloquent. I'd love to see a bit more of it and for your reports to be longer. I just love how you end with thought through conclusions (the shit sandwich).

1. Instead of 'can you take Bobby to the match on saturday'. I get "Oh you're sooo kind. It's really nice of you to take X and Y to football every week. How sweet. Are they going to the match this saturday? Bobby would love to go. You r so lovely I expect you'll be going to support Z..hint hint hint". (The not saying what you want)

I could go on.

I just like blunt people.

I'm a hypocrite because I'm far from blunt myself! But I hate all this wrapping up people do. I don't know where I stand! Sometimes it's hard work to figure out what people actually mean or are actually getting at! Just say it as it is. If you want something, ask. If you don't like something I did, tell me. If you want to know why I do something weird, ask..

Is it just me that finds it really unnerving when people don't just come out and say what they think/want etc..

Grrrr...!!

I particularly find it annoying at work. I work with a load of psychologists and they are by far the worst. It drives me insane. Stop trying to protect me (it's patronising for one thing!) just tell me straight!!!

I do this- not quite as fluffy as the eloquent writing point but I would say do you mind etc etc etc .

I think 'do you mind.." is ok. It's just polite! It's when the point the person is trying to make is so watered down you barely even know what they are saying/asking that drives me potty!! I'm ok with 'do you mind...' :)

Because people don’t want to be seen as bossy cunts. Not everyone is receptive to the austere blunt kind of feedback/ requests that you prefer.

I understand it’s annoying though.

I can’t tell sometimes if things are a request or command.

i prefer please attend that meeting . Much clearer!

Do you really wear the same top to work all week though?

Absolutely!!

Did someone actually ask you why you were wearing the same clothes all week? <spectacularly misses the point but genuinely curious >

Lead by example op. If you want colleagues at work to say what they think - be blunt and tell them this!

I did in the past, yes! A bit weird I know!! But I'd rather someone just came out and asked than went a really weird long way about it!! (I just used to b v insecure about my body and only wore the small number of clothes that I thought I didn't look ugly in! Mounjaro has changed that and I now love clothes!! And variety etc...!!! But that's another thread... 😉)

I find this annoying too, especially when the point is lost in the fluff. I also have managed people who need direct feedback (worded nicely) or they come away thinking there isn’t a problem as they only hear the “you write lovely reports” bit and somehow manage to edit out the “can you make them longer please” bit.

Funnily enough people thank me for giving them direct and clear feedback, whether it’s positive or “constructive” (another thing I hate!)

i am direct but polite. In my last job I had two direct reports and one told me she liked this style and the other got very offended and huffy and said she wanted softer messages as my directness was intimidating. Horses for courses I guess but sometimes you have to adapt to others’ styles and read between the lines/ not take direct requests to be a personal attack!

Well, I live with one such person. Blunt as a knife. The issue is they are also very negative.
I can reassure you it's very unpleasant.

The clothes thing sounds to me like the sort of thing someone might be told to say in an attempt to hint that someone smells but doesn’t want to say it….?

Yes but they went suuuuuuch a long way about it. Asking almost philosophically why someone might do that and if I had any thoughts!! I mean, come on!! I know what you are getting at! It is me you are talking about!! So just ask!!! 🙄🤣🤣

I voted YABU because I’m a very blunt woman (relevant as it seems more appreciated as a personality quality in men) and people absolutely hate it, ESPECIALLY in the workplace 😂

I would thank you too!! Love clear feedback!

I'm with you.
i'd prefer. Please could you close your legs I can see your knickers, compared to. Is there a draft in here?

We should work together! I'd love it :)

I’ve never heard this behaviour being described as “wrapping something up”. I thought the thread was going to be about tissue paper and sellotape.

Sorry! 😟

There's a sweet spot in between. A lot of people would be demotivated by hearing nothing from their manager about what they'd done well, simply instructions for improvement, and having orders barked at them without any preamble or explanation. However, I agree it's important to be clear. "Your report was very well written, but needs to be longer to include more detail about the November figures" "Bobby has heard what a good time the others had when you took them to the match. If you're going this week, could you take him too please?" "I need you to attend the meeting on Thursday because we will be discussing your project and I think you have the best overview" The jumper one, unless it's your boss telling you you look unkempt or you smell, that doesn't need saying at all.

I also thought that this was going to be a thread about packaging and how wasteful it is. 😂

I get what you mean. I would cut slack to the lift bit, because people are shy and do not want to impose, so they tie themselves in all sorts of knots, instead of asking straight. They think that asking directly may put you in the spot and you feel like you have to say yes.
The top bit, I just cannot be bothered with people who put their nose in other people's business. If it is untidy, smells or whatever, ok, say. But if it is just because the outfit has been repeated, like a uniform, I mean... whatever it has to do with them?
And the longer reports.... who wants a longer report? That is weird, if that is what they actually want....
I am not sure I could do your job, LOL

Since you asked…

this is a non problem and you sound quite moany and judgy, especially since you also do the same thing.

Also, wearing the same top to work every day for a week is minging.