Stop wrapping things up!! (please!)

[ILoveDrivingYey]

I can't stand it when people wrap things up in a fluffy way to protect your feelings etc..

Examples:

1. Instead of 'why have you worn the same top every day this week to work?' I was asked "what do you think would be the reason why someone would choose to wear the same clothes each day?" (Externalising the problem, not making about me)

1. Instead of: 'can you make the reports longer please', I get something like 'I love the way you write. It's so eloquent. I'd love to see a bit more of it and for your reports to be longer. I just love how you end with thought through conclusions (the shit sandwich).

1. Instead of 'can you take Bobby to the match on saturday'. I get "Oh you're sooo kind. It's really nice of you to take X and Y to football every week. How sweet. Are they going to the match this saturday? Bobby would love to go. You r so lovely I expect you'll be going to support Z..hint hint hint". (The not saying what you want)

I could go on.

I just like blunt people.

I'm a hypocrite because I'm far from blunt myself! But I hate all this wrapping up people do. I don't know where I stand! Sometimes it's hard work to figure out what people actually mean or are actually getting at! Just say it as it is. If you want something, ask. If you don't like something I did, tell me. If you want to know why I do something weird, ask..

Is it just me that finds it really unnerving when people don't just come out and say what they think/want etc..

Grrrr...!!

It's interesting. At home I speak in similar ways to my ND DC but at work I'm much more straightforward!

I get the opposite. I'm always blunt and TBH am probably missing any kind of brain to mouth filter.
People just seem to think it's soooooo funny and quirky🙄
On the one hand I'm sure they think I'm the village idiot but on the other hand I can say whatever the hell I like with impunity!😆

The irony of asking people to be more direct in their communications and using the phrase "wrapping up"!

I'm quite blunt... side effect of being raised in an autistic household.

People especially online love to try and start fights over it, it often amazing that I will be say the 20th poster and say exactly the same conclusion as everyone else but get called out personally. 'its the WAY you said it'... ok but I said the same 'message' as everyone else, there was just no double talk you can try to twist to suit your own narrative.

Its always the 'be kind' brigade who are usually the only ones resorting to gossiping, fighting, calling others names and telling people they are not welcome (far from 'kind').

I agree OP. I feel as if sometimes I’m in a hurry and I’m thinking I’m happy to help you with whatever but just say what you want in one short sentence and stop whittering on.

I dislike it when someone rings me at home and asks me how I am and I know it’s just a preliminary. Just ring and ask the favour/question or if you want to connect properly and chat that’s fine too, but I hate answering knowing they’re just waiting to spit it out and get to the real point of the call.😆

I filter things through AI copilot to get to the point of fluffy waffle like this

About the top, though.
Was it literally the same top that you wore all week?
Or the same style/brand/colour of top so they couldn’t tell the difference?

If it’s the former, someone was trying to tell you that you smell, and that’s tricky to raise

(I also thought this thread was going to be about packaging/wrapping 😀

I loathe the shit sandwich. It just feels condescending (I’m robust enough to take constructive criticism, thank you) and manipulative (we’re all familiar with the concept, managers - this isn’t a subtle technique). Direct, constructive feedback is the way to go. That way, when I do get praise or thanks I will know it’s genuine and I’m not suspecting a ‘but’.

I have a line manager who thinks she has brilliant soft skills, in case it isn’t obvious…

Change your top op, you stink.
Is that blunt enough?

Very patronising and a bit idiotic of them to think you can’t see through it so there is no point saying it in the first place

If someone does it to you say the in wrapped version back to them as a question
I do that sometimes and they usually just mumble a bit and then say ‘yeah’

I also prefer it when people just get to the point, some people go about saying things it such a long winded manner they are just annoying to listen to, same with e/mails, a really long winded e-mail when the point could have been made in a couple of sentences, no one has time to read unnecessarily long e-mails

I also thought this was going to be about wrapping paper

@ILoveDrivingYey one of my neighbours has a very expensive capsule wardrobe. I just assumed that she had several cream blouses etc. But then she told me that she does a quick wash and dry of the same item nearly every day. And when I got to know her and I went round there, it was all in the wash in the bathtub.

It made me realise that if I tried capsule wardrobe, people would think I was wearing the same thing every day and may think I haven't washed it!

I was rather looking forward to a thread about wrapping paper and alternative eco options! But I do agree about asking straightforward questions

My mum cuts through the how’re you and says what do you want 😂😂

Were you wearing smelly clothes? I'm in Vienna, and I keep seeing/smelling the same woman at every goddamn tourist attraction. She stinks of sweat and is wearing the same top still after 5 days. Yeucchhh.

I live in Belgium and my advice is...move to the Netherlands. Bluntest people in the world, although the Germans try hard. You're in the wrong place.

Ha ha @ILoveDrivingYey I think the problem is that you work with psychologists who must be more conscious of their speech than others 🤷‍♀️

Move to Holland

seriously

nobody wraps anything up ever 😁

”would you like a drink?”

“No”

”bobby would love to see the football on Sunday but it’s such a shame I cannot take him? (Hint hint)

”well I hope you do not expect me to take him”

it can be a bit brutal😁

I’m with you op. People will claim it ‘softens the message’ or is ‘more palatable’ or is a ‘more positive way to communicate’. I say you’re either bullshitting or wasting my time. Do me a fucking favour - we are not five, speak like an adult and just get to the point.

Germany too!

Why do some people use unusual phrasing in thread titles so you think it’s going to be about one thing, such as wasteful gift packaging, but it turns out to actually be about something else?

Perfect!! 🤣🤣

Might just do that!!

I think I'd love it there!

What about “FFS Driving, wear something else tomorrow. I’m sick of looking at that shirt of yours.” 😆

But did you actually smell?