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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asda driver STILL moaning at me about a visit in January

165 replies

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 14:44

I'm not sure if I've done the right thing or not so would you give me opinions on this please:

So for background I work from home and often have to use the phone for work, especially first thing when the business opens at 9 am for the first half hour or so it's generally busy that way.

I've been using Asda deliveries weekly for 6 or 7 years or so now, and always have the same 10-11 am slot unless work need me to go out on an appointment, then I move it to the next day.

All the drivers have been great and super polite and if on occasion they've come early it's been no problem, they apologise and I just don't mind as I'm usually right there anyway and whenever it's happened, which isn't too often, by chance I haven't been on the phone or out at an early work appointment

So back in early January one driver came half an hour early, at 9.30 am ish but this time although I'd booked a day off for a funeral I was in the shower getting ready for a funeral thinking it was ages until the shopping and instead, of just knocking on and then waiting he banged and banged and I rushed my arse off to get out and dress myself, meanwhile he was banging loudly and ringing my phone over and over, I scrambled to the door and said 'Sorry i was getting ready for a funeral today and I booked the 10 - 11 am slot' and instead of apologising for being so early he said "I thought it wasn't like you not to have your act together!' I squinted at him and said 'Well there's always a chance I wouldn't be free to take a delivery at this time anyway because I'm often on work calls but it's always worth knocking of you're early it's just that I can't guarantee to answer until about 9.45 am ish when the morning rush dies down or I could be still out for a work appointment until then'

So still no apology or 'Ok I understand' he was actually a bit annoyed he said 'Yes but we can come 19 minutes early that's in the rules' I said 'Really I'll have another look on the website, sorry I didn't know that, but it's actually tricky for me to stay off the phone for that long in the early part of the morning' (I did look and it doesn't say that at all as far as I can see, so he might have made it up, and also he was half an hour early and banging the door down which I doubt is allowed). Anyway then he suddenly just started chatting nicely, he mentioned my going to the funeral and he was saying he isn't allowed time off for a funeral unless it's immediate family and his stepdad didn't count so he couldn't go' so I just felt really sorry for him then and just forgot about it, but I was slightly worried if I was ever stuck on the phone with client, if they can come that early and just knocking and banging like that and then moan at me! Anyway I soon just forgot about it altogether and assumed he was probably sorry when he'd thought about it.

But he came again this week with a woman (they were working together), I didn't recognise him because I'd forgotten all about it and it was months ago, but he immediately reminded me in the same sort on moany tone (in front of her) that last time he'd come 15 minutes early (he didn't, he'd actually come half an hour early) and 'You were in the shower, not ready!" I said 'Oh yes I remember, it was the day of the funeral and you came very early' he said 'I was running VERY early you see, and I would have been just waiting and waiting round the corner' I said 'Oh yes I understand, and it's fine usually and definitely worth knocking on with me, because I usually wfh but sometimes if you're very early, I won't be able to get off a work call at that time or I might be out on an appointment but I'll ALWAYS be back well before the slot booked, (he'd clearly forgotten that I'd explained this before) then he started just chatting again, changing the subject and being alright with me again.

So because he'd remembered it all this time and brought it up again to moan at me FOUR MONTHS later (at what I felt was a non-issue), I feel a bit more bothered by it this time, so the point is I've written a note on the delivery notes just explaining my situation (basically a short version of what I said to him both times, that if they are running very early, it's definitely worth knocking on and is normally fine and I'm usually ok to receive it, but I might still be on a work call at that time, and not able to get off the phone or even still out at a work appointment, so please don't keep knocking and ringing the phone if you arrive very early, but that I'll always be ready by about 9.45 am once the busy period at work is usually over.

It's obviously meant as a message just for him really if he does come again, because he'd forgotten that I'd explained all that to him last time and he was still openly annoyed with me about funeral day which bothers me a bit, i just don't want him banging the door and whinging at me again, but since it's never been necessary to spell any of that out for all those years before with any of the other drivers, I wondered what they would make of that message because it's now on there for all of them? What do you think? Is it patronising to them explain my position? Does it come over like I'm stating the obvious (because I'm assuming most of their other customers are in the same position as myself ie wfh and plan their spot around working)? If you are a delivery driver would you roll your eyes at that note and think OMG this is literally my job, bloody hell, I KNOW!, or just think 'Ok that's fine, thanks for the heads up, I won't keep banging on the door if I'm really early'?

Sorry that was a bit long, not busy today, and fully available for a delivery right now if I had one :-)

Oh one other thing, ASDA normally text with a rough ETA on the morning of the delivery but they don't on his days for some reason.

I won't put a poll because it's just the question, shall I take the delivery note off or not?

OP posts:
mainecooncatonahottinroof · 17/04/2025 23:33

SallyWD · 17/04/2025 17:58

I've already posted to say I think the driver was very annoying, however, you really could save yourself stress if you had shopping delivered when you're not working. It's so much easier. I tried to get it delivered when working from home a couple of times but it's sods law that my boss would spontaneously call when the shopping arrived!
Also I felt guilty about doing it during working time. It does take quite a lot of time. Can't you do it at the weekend or in the evening?

It really only takes a few minutes to pack it into bags and leave it in the kitchen. You can pop in and out to unpack, freezer food first. BUT if it happens to arrive at the wrong time, then that's a problem! My DH also works from home and my son in uni is often here during the day as well, so it's not just me.

My job is very unpredictable in terms of when I might be on calls or in meetings, and I don't feel like I could excuse myself to go and get my shopping!! I just book evening slots. I order from Tesco, Sainsburys and Asda and the vast majority of drivers are chatty, polite and courteous.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/04/2025 23:43

Screamingabdabz · 17/04/2025 14:57

If you book 10-11 that’s when I’d expect it to be delivered and I wouldn't take any of their ‘we can be early’ bullshit. If I was amenable to an early call, fine, but his creating a hullabaloo on the morning of a funeral would’ve resulted in robust words and possibly a complaint. You’re the customer and you’re entitled to a bit of customer service. You sound far too accommodating.

I agree with this!

He was totally out of order to be banging down the door half an hour before the delivery was due, never mind moaning to you about it several months later.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 17/04/2025 23:44

LSmiff · 17/04/2025 15:18

You have your job to do & he has his. Just book an evening delivery, or get your own shopping.

Alternatively, of course he could do his job which is to deliver in the allocated slot

TeaAndTattoos · 18/04/2025 03:43

I think I probably would‘ve just turned round and said to him that was 4 months ago why are you still whinging about it now.

Hmm1234 · 18/04/2025 18:36

Report report report. Complain directly to Asda if they uphold your complaint I’m sure they’ll offer you some vouchers

SammyTales · 18/04/2025 19:10

Sounds a little like he might be a bit neuro divergent and wrongly sees it as a way to chat and connect... I think just smile and say how that was a long time ago if he mentions it again!

AppropriateAdult · 18/04/2025 19:55

You’re being far too apologetic and conciliatory, OP.

He’s being a twat.

After a couple of early deliveries here (Tesco) I just put a delivery note stating “Please do not deliver before the requested time slot”, and it never happened again.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 18/04/2025 20:59

If you’re being paid to work 10-11 yabu to get regular shopping deliveries then anyway.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 00:37

Yourcatisnotsorry · 18/04/2025 20:59

If you’re being paid to work 10-11 yabu to get regular shopping deliveries then anyway.

No, she's not. People are entitled to breaks, you know. If you are working on screens, it's recommended you take regular breaks. Being able to accept a delivery is one of the benefits of wfh.

Though in fairness I tend to get my deliveries in the evening, because I don't know whether I might be in a call or a meeting and unable to answer the door.

Yellowtrouser · 19/04/2025 01:04

Worst that has happened to me was the Sainsbury's delivery being 20 mins late on a Fridau night and therefore turning up in the middle of the Traitors final!😟

Galwaygirlxxx · 19/04/2025 03:11

Yeah first time he was a dck but second was just having a laugh

LillyPJ · 19/04/2025 03:16

EBoo80 · 17/04/2025 14:47

You are massively overthinking this whole situation.

Overthinking and overwriting. We don't need a word by word report of every word in every conversation!

Lovehascomeandgone · 19/04/2025 07:40

Appreciate that’s annoying, just book a 11-12 slot instead, job done.

buckeejit · 19/04/2025 09:07

Leave the note & if he mentions it again, say ‘you were half an hour early, you were in the wrong & you were aggressively knocking. I don’t want to hear about it again. If you’re early & I don’t answer after knocking then please wait.

TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:38

Yourcatisnotsorry · 18/04/2025 20:59

If you’re being paid to work 10-11 yabu to get regular shopping deliveries then anyway.

I'm not paid like that at all. I can manage my own time here but even if that wasn't the case, I don't go and make coffees or anything like that because I don't much like hot drinks so I have a water bottle by me. If we're busy I work through lunch time and eat around 3 pm. Sometimes I am out on client appointments in the evenings or anytime really.

I am most reliably quiet and able to take a break during late morning. I want the 10-11 spot because averagely between around 9.45 ish and 11.30 ish is the only time of day that's reliably convenient for me with the way that work is.

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:47

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 00:37

No, she's not. People are entitled to breaks, you know. If you are working on screens, it's recommended you take regular breaks. Being able to accept a delivery is one of the benefits of wfh.

Though in fairness I tend to get my deliveries in the evening, because I don't know whether I might be in a call or a meeting and unable to answer the door.

Thank you Maine x

You know it's odd how people think to wfh you can't even move from your chair, and to be fair I don't often move from it, I'm always here except weekends etc but once a week I do want the shopping to come at a quieter time of day. Just like others get a coffee or a bit of lunch etc. People who wfh often work long hours and sometimes it's manic, we can get breaks when we need to!

Personally I have to work both in and out of here as I need to go and see clients a couple of times a week at least.

Thanks for your understanding that we aren't literally slaves x

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:49

Lovehascomeandgone · 19/04/2025 07:40

Appreciate that’s annoying, just book a 11-12 slot instead, job done.

I can't really it starts to busy up again generally around 11.30 am, I just want the shopping coming during the quiet time of day after the morning burst of activity.

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:54

LillyPJ · 19/04/2025 03:16

Overthinking and overwriting. We don't need a word by word report of every word in every conversation!

I do have to agree with this 🤣, I was so bored that day because it was quite all just before Good Friday and I’m not used to that so I started a thread

I am grateful for all the opinions though, but agree it could have been condensed 😁

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:56

Galwaygirlxxx · 19/04/2025 03:11

Yeah first time he was a dck but second was just having a laugh

If he was he has a deadpan delivery, but it's so weird that he's remembered 'my bad behaviour' for this long, that's the thing that got me questioning it all, like why hasn't he just forgotten about it by now?

OP posts:
HollyBerryz · 19/04/2025 11:06

Why should op book a different slot? You book a slot for a reason! Try Tesco op, their drivers get told not to come early as I imagine a lot of people complained. What's the point in having a slot if they come outside it.

I had a proper creepy asda driver. I ended up changing my slot to avoid him.

Ilovelurchers · 19/04/2025 11:08

I just asked for the opinion of my partner on this, as he worked as a delivery driver for many years for a number of different companies. He said he wouldn't in any way be offended by your delivery note, and that generally it's never unhelpful to get extra information about the delivery (iyswim).

He also suggested cutting the delivery guy in question some slack, on the basis that it can be SUCH a shitty job (which I would concur with, as I used to accompany him with some of his deliveries - not supermarket ones as we wouldn't have got away with it but others - basically he was working such long shitty hours that it was the only way we got to spend much time together when first dating). The wages aren't great, the hours aren't great, and the working conditions are seriously fucking terrible, with the drivers largely treated like cogs in a machine rather than actual humans with human needs.....

Your delivery guy hasn't behaved amazingly, but may have been under untold pressures on both occasions. As he hasn't actually been verbally abusive (i totally agree that would be utterly unacceptable, however shit his job is) but simply a bit moany/negative, and pushing a slightly unfair point....Please try and dig deep into your compassion and forgive, and don't take any action like complaining to the company, which might seriously fuck with his life.....

It's really unfortunate that it happened on the day of a funeral, and I can totally see why you were feeling sensitive..... But you don't know what might be going on in this guy's life too......

I really would just put it out of your mind as a bit of a non-event, and try to move on......

CellophaneFlower · 19/04/2025 11:10

TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:56

If he was he has a deadpan delivery, but it's so weird that he's remembered 'my bad behaviour' for this long, that's the thing that got me questioning it all, like why hasn't he just forgotten about it by now?

I don't find it weird at all. He associates that particular occasion with you now. He isn't sitting there thinking about it night after night I very much doubt. He probably mentioned it when he was with the other person as a kind of 'look at me, on such personal terms with all my customers that I can have a chat with them' thing. He probably did the same to most of his other customers that day too, whether it be that time the dog got out, that time when there was an odd substitution or whatever. Just something that sticks in his mind.

TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 11:34

Ilovelurchers · 19/04/2025 11:08

I just asked for the opinion of my partner on this, as he worked as a delivery driver for many years for a number of different companies. He said he wouldn't in any way be offended by your delivery note, and that generally it's never unhelpful to get extra information about the delivery (iyswim).

He also suggested cutting the delivery guy in question some slack, on the basis that it can be SUCH a shitty job (which I would concur with, as I used to accompany him with some of his deliveries - not supermarket ones as we wouldn't have got away with it but others - basically he was working such long shitty hours that it was the only way we got to spend much time together when first dating). The wages aren't great, the hours aren't great, and the working conditions are seriously fucking terrible, with the drivers largely treated like cogs in a machine rather than actual humans with human needs.....

Your delivery guy hasn't behaved amazingly, but may have been under untold pressures on both occasions. As he hasn't actually been verbally abusive (i totally agree that would be utterly unacceptable, however shit his job is) but simply a bit moany/negative, and pushing a slightly unfair point....Please try and dig deep into your compassion and forgive, and don't take any action like complaining to the company, which might seriously fuck with his life.....

It's really unfortunate that it happened on the day of a funeral, and I can totally see why you were feeling sensitive..... But you don't know what might be going on in this guy's life too......

I really would just put it out of your mind as a bit of a non-event, and try to move on......

Ilovelurchers thank you so much for this kind and insightful post, I had a feeling that it wasn't the best job in the world and I wasn't going to complain anyway, but I didn't know it was quite so bad and I appreciate you letting me know. ❤

If he ever comes again, and even if he mentions it again, I'll be fine with him and I really appreciate your words. A new perspective is everything, I expect that applies to most things in life where we feel triggered because of our own hurt, just to try shifting the old world view to someone else's is magic. You are a good person thank you. ❤

I hope your husband has a much nicer job now where he is treated as a good human being which is the least we all deserve at work or in any other context.

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 11:35

CellophaneFlower · 19/04/2025 11:10

I don't find it weird at all. He associates that particular occasion with you now. He isn't sitting there thinking about it night after night I very much doubt. He probably mentioned it when he was with the other person as a kind of 'look at me, on such personal terms with all my customers that I can have a chat with them' thing. He probably did the same to most of his other customers that day too, whether it be that time the dog got out, that time when there was an odd substitution or whatever. Just something that sticks in his mind.

Edited

I appreciate this point too

OP posts:
Lovehascomeandgone · 19/04/2025 11:38

TheJoySpreader · 19/04/2025 10:49

I can't really it starts to busy up again generally around 11.30 am, I just want the shopping coming during the quiet time of day after the morning burst of activity.

@TheJoySpreader book it when you aren’t working?

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