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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asda driver STILL moaning at me about a visit in January

165 replies

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 14:44

I'm not sure if I've done the right thing or not so would you give me opinions on this please:

So for background I work from home and often have to use the phone for work, especially first thing when the business opens at 9 am for the first half hour or so it's generally busy that way.

I've been using Asda deliveries weekly for 6 or 7 years or so now, and always have the same 10-11 am slot unless work need me to go out on an appointment, then I move it to the next day.

All the drivers have been great and super polite and if on occasion they've come early it's been no problem, they apologise and I just don't mind as I'm usually right there anyway and whenever it's happened, which isn't too often, by chance I haven't been on the phone or out at an early work appointment

So back in early January one driver came half an hour early, at 9.30 am ish but this time although I'd booked a day off for a funeral I was in the shower getting ready for a funeral thinking it was ages until the shopping and instead, of just knocking on and then waiting he banged and banged and I rushed my arse off to get out and dress myself, meanwhile he was banging loudly and ringing my phone over and over, I scrambled to the door and said 'Sorry i was getting ready for a funeral today and I booked the 10 - 11 am slot' and instead of apologising for being so early he said "I thought it wasn't like you not to have your act together!' I squinted at him and said 'Well there's always a chance I wouldn't be free to take a delivery at this time anyway because I'm often on work calls but it's always worth knocking of you're early it's just that I can't guarantee to answer until about 9.45 am ish when the morning rush dies down or I could be still out for a work appointment until then'

So still no apology or 'Ok I understand' he was actually a bit annoyed he said 'Yes but we can come 19 minutes early that's in the rules' I said 'Really I'll have another look on the website, sorry I didn't know that, but it's actually tricky for me to stay off the phone for that long in the early part of the morning' (I did look and it doesn't say that at all as far as I can see, so he might have made it up, and also he was half an hour early and banging the door down which I doubt is allowed). Anyway then he suddenly just started chatting nicely, he mentioned my going to the funeral and he was saying he isn't allowed time off for a funeral unless it's immediate family and his stepdad didn't count so he couldn't go' so I just felt really sorry for him then and just forgot about it, but I was slightly worried if I was ever stuck on the phone with client, if they can come that early and just knocking and banging like that and then moan at me! Anyway I soon just forgot about it altogether and assumed he was probably sorry when he'd thought about it.

But he came again this week with a woman (they were working together), I didn't recognise him because I'd forgotten all about it and it was months ago, but he immediately reminded me in the same sort on moany tone (in front of her) that last time he'd come 15 minutes early (he didn't, he'd actually come half an hour early) and 'You were in the shower, not ready!" I said 'Oh yes I remember, it was the day of the funeral and you came very early' he said 'I was running VERY early you see, and I would have been just waiting and waiting round the corner' I said 'Oh yes I understand, and it's fine usually and definitely worth knocking on with me, because I usually wfh but sometimes if you're very early, I won't be able to get off a work call at that time or I might be out on an appointment but I'll ALWAYS be back well before the slot booked, (he'd clearly forgotten that I'd explained this before) then he started just chatting again, changing the subject and being alright with me again.

So because he'd remembered it all this time and brought it up again to moan at me FOUR MONTHS later (at what I felt was a non-issue), I feel a bit more bothered by it this time, so the point is I've written a note on the delivery notes just explaining my situation (basically a short version of what I said to him both times, that if they are running very early, it's definitely worth knocking on and is normally fine and I'm usually ok to receive it, but I might still be on a work call at that time, and not able to get off the phone or even still out at a work appointment, so please don't keep knocking and ringing the phone if you arrive very early, but that I'll always be ready by about 9.45 am once the busy period at work is usually over.

It's obviously meant as a message just for him really if he does come again, because he'd forgotten that I'd explained all that to him last time and he was still openly annoyed with me about funeral day which bothers me a bit, i just don't want him banging the door and whinging at me again, but since it's never been necessary to spell any of that out for all those years before with any of the other drivers, I wondered what they would make of that message because it's now on there for all of them? What do you think? Is it patronising to them explain my position? Does it come over like I'm stating the obvious (because I'm assuming most of their other customers are in the same position as myself ie wfh and plan their spot around working)? If you are a delivery driver would you roll your eyes at that note and think OMG this is literally my job, bloody hell, I KNOW!, or just think 'Ok that's fine, thanks for the heads up, I won't keep banging on the door if I'm really early'?

Sorry that was a bit long, not busy today, and fully available for a delivery right now if I had one :-)

Oh one other thing, ASDA normally text with a rough ETA on the morning of the delivery but they don't on his days for some reason.

I won't put a poll because it's just the question, shall I take the delivery note off or not?

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:34

ThisFluentBiscuit Now that IS true! 🤣 I’m much happier when it’s manic than days like this, it’s going sloooooow today

OP posts:
MsFogi · 17/04/2025 15:36

I had an arsey Sainsburys delivery driver get be out of the shower when he arrived 20 mins early too - he gave me some speech about the ts and cs saying they could be 25 minutes early (which I didn't discuss at the time because I was wrapped in a towel so felt somewhat exposed). Still pisses me off when I think about it.

inabubble3 · 17/04/2025 15:36

This being early thing drives me potty too. I’ve ended up answering the door in a towel covered in bubbles, having an oodie thrown on. They knock incessently too and they’re really flipping early. I feel like of they’re early and yoi don’t answer they should
come back.

inhad no idea they can arrive 19 mins early so that explains it. Thanks for clarifying x

Dahliasrule · 17/04/2025 15:36

We have Tescos and, on the odd occasion they are early, they telephone to check it is convenient to come early.

SallyWD · 17/04/2025 15:37

I'd find it very irritating because 1) he was in the wrong. He shouldn't have been hammering on the door when he's 30 minutes early and 2) I hate it when you explain something to someone and they don't really listen and ignore your point and still act pissed off with you. It's like they just want to moan at you and don't care about your side of the story.
So yes, I'd be really irritated that he brought it up again!! However, I do think you're massively overthinking it and blowing it out of proportion.

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:37

MondaytoSunday he actually said he was allowed to turn up 19 minutes early which seemed oddly specific (I mean why not 20 if it's a thing)

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:39

Sally Yes I know that you're right, I am definitely going to forget about it again now but if he brings it again, I will say something to him like 'Not that old chestnut again!'

OP posts:
ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 15:41

Guy is being unfair on you. Not your fault.

NoTouch · 17/04/2025 15:43

If I book a home delivery during WFH hours I only do it if I know I will have the 30mins before and after the slot free too just incase they come early or a little late.

If it is stressing you out so much would it not be better to just book your deliveries for after your work times and you'd likely get another driver too if you don't like the chat from this one.

ShoalShark · 17/04/2025 15:43

At the core of it, you are right but it’s all just so long winded and over explained. Is this your style of communication in real life too?

I ask because when you over explain and give too much detail people almost treat it as an invitation to solve the problems raised or comment on the validity of them.

The funeral was none of his business. Nor are your work calls. Can’t you find out ASDAs policy on how early they are allowed to be? Ask customer service if you need. Then quote it back at him if he goes on about it.

Stick with the facts. You’re not always available half an hour before so in those instances they might have to wait if they want to come early.

Banging on your door is unacceptable and do with that what you would do with any bad customer service - (ignore? Complain? Tell him to stop?)

You and this man know way too much about each others lives and bereavements. Oversharing makes you look vulnerable and attracts a certain kind of person to overstep boundaries in your life, whether relationships, friendships, colleagues, or random delivery drivers.

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:43

memoriesofamiga · 17/04/2025 15:15

The cynical side of me wonders if he would keep going on about it this way if you were a bloke (which I'm assuming you're not). But I am the cynical type.

Sorry memories, Ive just spotted this message, no I'm not and that's what DH said too! I think there's a certain type of 'know it all' older man who behave a certain way around women and he's it personified

OP posts:
ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 15:44

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:43

Sorry memories, Ive just spotted this message, no I'm not and that's what DH said too! I think there's a certain type of 'know it all' older man who behave a certain way around women and he's it personified

Totally. - he’s prob pissed off stuck in that job and wants to assert some power.

roll eyes and ignore!

Eggtoastie · 17/04/2025 15:46

Orangemintcream · 17/04/2025 15:32

God what a fuss over a bit of chit chat. You sound incredibly hard work.

Someone who is dealing with a customer who tells them they are going to a funeral and turns that round into a conversation about the time he couldn't go to a funeral is being massively entitled and needs some re-training.

mindutopia · 17/04/2025 15:46

Frankly, I’d call and lodge a complaint. They are allowed to deliver a little bit early (that’s probably the 19 minutes he’s talking about), but that doesn’t mean you are expected to be available to receive the delivery then. It just means that if a customer is ready, they don’t have to wait til 10am to sign off on receipt of delivery. The system will let them deliver early. The time you are expected to be available to receive the delivery is 10-11am.

The fact he’s being such a miserable twat about it though, I’d complain, just on principle. You have 2 dates to verify it was him, so he will be easily identifiable. I once had a driver (during COVID when delivery slots were like gold dust) who came 30 minutes early and we were out on a walk. I got back at quarter to the hour to a missed delivery receipt saying I would need to collect at the store 30 minutes away after like 8pm or something very silly. I was right on the phone to customer service and he was back with my delivery and his tail between his legs about 10 minutes later. 🙄

LandSharksAnonymous · 17/04/2025 15:49

This is so weird. Agree with a PP. I'd be lodging a complaint.

When I've had Waitrose orders before and they've rung me to say they're early (Waitrose always seem to ring before they arrive, or if they're going to be early or late), and I say 'no, sorry that won't work,' if being early is going to be an issue and they are always 100% chill about it.

Perhaps I'll sound like a twat saying his, but I get food delivered in a specific slot to make my life easier - not to pander to whatever is easiest for the delivery driver.

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:50

Shoalshark, You are right about the 'too much info thing with me' I'm not always, but it definitely depends on how busy I am, some days I'm very brief when I'm busy, but I definitely can waffle on about unnecessary shite sometimes

I haven't spoken to any other drivers very much because I do want to be quick, I think I was too much on the defensive both times with him

OP posts:
LoveFridaynight · 17/04/2025 15:52

Ask if you can not have him as your driver and why.
They can come early but they usually send a message to say they'll be early but not to worry they'll wait for you.
I would be majorly pissed off with him banging on the door while in the shower.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 15:53

Eggtoastie · 17/04/2025 15:46

Someone who is dealing with a customer who tells them they are going to a funeral and turns that round into a conversation about the time he couldn't go to a funeral is being massively entitled and needs some re-training.

“maybe he is on the spectrum…”

LOLZ

Flamingoknees · 17/04/2025 15:53

I think it's just chat and you are taking his chat too seriously. Stop explaining yourself. Just laugh and say "flamin' eck, are you still moanin, ha, ha" and move on.
You seem to be massively over thinking a non event.

TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:54

mindutopia that's what I always thought, that they can ask to be early but I only HAVE to be ready during the slot, I do think he's a bit nuts

Bloody hell, I am shocked that that guy drove off with your shopping and thought that was ok!

OP posts:
TheJoySpreader · 17/04/2025 15:57

Flamingknees I guess that's right, but as long as he doesn't do anymore banging though as I can't be on the phone with all that going on and I think a lot of people are in my shoes and wouldn't appreciate that

OP posts:
Eggtoastie · 17/04/2025 15:57

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 15:53

“maybe he is on the spectrum…”

LOLZ

I didn't say that?

pimplebum · 17/04/2025 15:59

Sweet Jesus op that is a very long involved post about nothing

the poor man is just making ( crap , cack handed) conversation and it’s come across rude but his job is obviously very very boring to remember details of your life

give it no more thought, it’s a non issue

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2025 16:00

Switch to Ocado or Waitrose. I've had both of those arrive early and they've called first to ask if it's OK - when I asked the Ocado driver what would have happened if I hadn't just been walking round the corner, he said 'no problem, I'd have just had a coffee in the van and waited for you'.

NotYoCheese · 17/04/2025 16:03

@TheJoySpreader
See, I think this means he's maybe not allowed to be more than 20 minutes early, and this is how he's interpreted it...