2 year old who doesn’t like clothes and to leave the house with me

[ellie1789]

Hi,

I’m looking for some tips for my tricky son to get him dressed and leave the house. He does it for everyone else but me and his dad, except when it’s football. He’ll get dressed for that. I’ve tried letting him choose his outfit, distracting him, forcing it on, leaving without him etc, and nothing works. He’s fussy with clothes and textures, but for others will wear them. He initially hides and smiles as it’s a game. I try to be firm but he ends up crying and taking the clothes off. I’m a SAHM with a 6 month old too, and it feels like we spend all of our time at home as my 2.5 year old is so tricky to manage. He’s been hypersensitive since he was born, and I don’t think he was ADHD nor autism. He certainly has traits of both but I think he’s just being a determined and clever child. I think pre-school will help but am slightly nervous for how we’ll get there on time. I’d get him dressed in the car if I could but he currently won’t even put his nappy on and I think it’ll be too hard to do with him he prams and car seats in the car too

I’m so tired and overstimulated from breastfeeding and being at home with two. Any tips would be appreciated as this has been going on for a long time now

Does he not wear clothes at home? How does he behave once he has his clothes on and is outside the house- does he try to take them off?

Is the issue clothes or being outside the home or both?

He’ll wear his pyjamas first thing but it’s trying to get them off and something else on that is the problem. He’ll often take some of it off throughout the day and always has, and it’s always been hard to get them back on. He sometimes tries to take them off yes. He could be anywhere and take them off, but now gets conscious in public places so doesn’t or has a tantrum. Often more than not he’ll keep them on though - especially with other people

Does he have any other sensory challenges?

He loves going to fun places so I don’t think it’s that. He enjoys being out when we’re there and pretty much every day goes in the car for a drive nap. It’s more clothes that he’s always had an issue with. Some days it’s easier but most of the time, I spend ages trying to get him dressed. He hates anything new too. New shoes, coat etc always are a battle. Even if it’s a winter coat from last year, it takes ages to get him on board to wear it

You say he's clever, so distraction may not work. I would put his outfit and nappy out the night before, and tell him "these are your clothes for tomorrow. Your going to get up and put them on". In the morning repeat. "You can't do XYZ until you're dressed" Repeat. If he goes off to play, follow him with the clothes and repeat! Keep your voice neutral and don't enter into any conversations about the clothes.

I’ve been trying for 1.5 hours so far. He’s asked for a few colours, I get them out, then he says he wants the opposite and doesn’t like that colour. He’s smiling and trying to run away. I think it’s him not respecting what I’m saying. How do I get to do what I say. He’s currently asking for me to read a book, and I’m saying I’m not reading it until he puts his trousers on, but he’s not listening and we’re just going round and round

Maybe a bit extreme but could you take him shopping to choose some clothes himself?! Make him feel special, he could pick something soft etc? Then maybe he would be excited to wear his Hulk sweatshirt, even if he wears the same everyday?! George at Asda usually has lovely quality soft boys clothes Xxx

Sounds like he has sensory issues. You need to find clothes which are more acceptable clothes for him to wear eg seemless socks or just no socks.

Make getting dressed a daily task with a visual timetable. Try and seperate getting dressed with putting his shoes on and leavig the house. How is he with teeth brushing?

Tale away any choice. "I want the blue shirt" is his way of prolonging the process. Do absolutely nothing with him or for him (unless vital) until he gets dressed. Quietly ignore him, so carry on with stuff you're doing. Don't mention the clothes, don't try and persuade him. Carry on like he isn't there.

If he wears PJs then get him some pj like tracksuits. Call them day pyjamas. Would he wear this: https://www.next.co.uk/style/st428036/737709#737709 ?

How does he react if you just put the clothes on him?

It does sound sensory - are his clothes soft and comfy? Joggers rather than jeans, elastic waistband, soft cotton fabric?

Get pyjamas that look like jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. That way, he'll not have a chance to work out that you're going out before he's in his car seat, protesting loudly.

Won't solve everything, but it could reduce some opportunities for mayhem - don't bother with shoes or socks on, have a pair of each in the car; same with a coat or other item, it's in the car for when he realises he's cold.

DD2 removed socks every time she was in the buggy until one winter's day where I decided I wasn't going to faff around trying to get them back on again for the third time when we were just over five minutes from home. It was cold enough that she was yelling for her socks by the time we'd gone 200 yards - another few moments of 'but you didn't want your socks, where are they? I can't find them because you took them off' and she never, ever took them off outside again.

Can you buy ‘PJs’ that are actually T-shirts and joggers or leggings? Then you can leave the house in whatever he is wearing 🙌🏼
or just take him nude and bring a bag. He will put it on when he gets cold

I would also try to see what clothes he does keep on - and see what can be modified for his comfort - texture, features like collars sleeves, tags that can be removed. Can you sew on fun things he likes (like football or cartoon cloth patches) on the essential clothes he needs to wear? It doesnt matter if he is dressed strangely but that he is dressed for safety and comfort. It is good that he is aware of other people and keeps clothes on for them! Praise him for that. Also great that he likes going out. Clothes be a game - dressing up for secret occasions just he, Mum and Dad know about. Astronaut day or Turtle day? It can be halloween or xmas whenever you like. As long as he is young and cannot articulate his discomfort, you have to patient and adapt. Sorry, that is all i have.

Don’t give him choices, because he’s learned to use those as procrastination. Do make sure he knows that he will end up wearing clothes, so that there’s no point putting it off. Find clothes that are as easy to put on as possible - no buttons or zips, for example. Nappies are not optional, even at home, and he gets disciplined if he removes them.

My daughter was like this but I stilll have no advise. Only sympathy. And for what’s it’s worth, as a 10 year old she now gets dress.without a fuss (mostly).

I think now looking back she was just in it for the battle. Can you remove the battle and just go out in pants and vest? Take clothes for it he gets cold / self conscious but only offer them if he asks

just be quiet, no nonsense, no fuss

Take him out in his pyjamas and take a spare change of clothes with you. There will come a point when he's aware enough to be embarrassed by being the only one in PJ's and will change.

Or just potty train him. At 2.5 he’s possibly ready.

I’ll try lay them out tonight to try that. The bit that will be tricky as he feels that he can do what he wants most of the time without his clothes, and will continue without doing whatever I suggest won’t happen until he puts his clothes on

Have you tried making it a game? DD1 went through a phase of this and what worked was the dressing robot (occasionally it would malfunction and do silly things like try to put a sock on her arm), the hungry clothes monster (clothes are eating her), the wild clothes monster (clothes are trying to get away from me and I have to wrestle them on her before they can escape) and also the dressing race. Phase did pass and but even at 6 and dressing herself she still enjoys a dressing game from time to time!

Sounds like sensory stuff going on. I would buy a bunch of soft clothes - tee shirts, joggers and soft shorts, and make them all day and night clothes. So it’s not a big problem if you go out in the clothes he slept in. As he gets older this will either get easier, or it will become apparent that he needs some help in some areas. At the moment I would just avoid the daily battle.

I’ve just dressed his Bing with his outfit so will see. I’ve tried the race tactic but he just says no and doesn’t participate

Have you tried giving him an option with the ultimatum? So - you need to get dressed, you can wear a) or b). You choose (but you must put on one of them.
it’s about the age where they want to start having some power and if you can give them that, without losing your control and getting what you need done then it could help. Also lower your standards. If he wants to wear a scruffy old thing then I’d just let him - so long as it’s clean, no need to be more than that.