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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 year old who doesn’t like clothes and to leave the house with me

78 replies

ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 10:15

Hi,

I’m looking for some tips for my tricky son to get him dressed and leave the house. He does it for everyone else but me and his dad, except when it’s football. He’ll get dressed for that. I’ve tried letting him choose his outfit, distracting him, forcing it on, leaving without him etc, and nothing works. He’s fussy with clothes and textures, but for others will wear them. He initially hides and smiles as it’s a game. I try to be firm but he ends up crying and taking the clothes off. I’m a SAHM with a 6 month old too, and it feels like we spend all of our time at home as my 2.5 year old is so tricky to manage. He’s been hypersensitive since he was born, and I don’t think he was ADHD nor autism. He certainly has traits of both but I think he’s just being a determined and clever child. I think pre-school will help but am slightly nervous for how we’ll get there on time. I’d get him dressed in the car if I could but he currently won’t even put his nappy on and I think it’ll be too hard to do with him he prams and car seats in the car too

I’m so tired and overstimulated from breastfeeding and being at home with two. Any tips would be appreciated as this has been going on for a long time now

OP posts:
miraxxx · 17/04/2025 10:55

doodleschnoodle · 17/04/2025 10:45

Have you tried making it a game? DD1 went through a phase of this and what worked was the dressing robot (occasionally it would malfunction and do silly things like try to put a sock on her arm), the hungry clothes monster (clothes are eating her), the wild clothes monster (clothes are trying to get away from me and I have to wrestle them on her before they can escape) and also the dressing race. Phase did pass and but even at 6 and dressing herself she still enjoys a dressing game from time to time!

A clever child needs to be outsmarted! But poor mum is already exhausted. Potty training with a reward scheme will make nappies unnecessary, so it is a good suggestion. I would even hide the clothes he needs to wear and make him find them.

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 10:56

Thingsthatgo · 17/04/2025 10:46

Sounds like sensory stuff going on. I would buy a bunch of soft clothes - tee shirts, joggers and soft shorts, and make them all day and night clothes. So it’s not a big problem if you go out in the clothes he slept in. As he gets older this will either get easier, or it will become apparent that he needs some help in some areas. At the moment I would just avoid the daily battle.

I do sometimes wonder that but I don’t understand why it’s not a problem for others when they get him dressed. A lot of his clothes are soft but he’s very anti certain items so they get left in his drawers. I’ve managed to get him in a soft t-shirt now but he won’t wear the soft trousers that I’ve since put on his Bing. He has said he wants to get some cupcakes and I’ve said that we can once he’s got his trousers on, but he’s not doing it…

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 17/04/2025 10:57

Thingsthatgo · 17/04/2025 10:46

Sounds like sensory stuff going on. I would buy a bunch of soft clothes - tee shirts, joggers and soft shorts, and make them all day and night clothes. So it’s not a big problem if you go out in the clothes he slept in. As he gets older this will either get easier, or it will become apparent that he needs some help in some areas. At the moment I would just avoid the daily battle.

This is the right advice. Forcing him in to clothes isn’t going to work. He isn’t being defiant, he doesn’t feel comfortable in clothes. I’m 51 and feel the same way. Find outfits he will wear and buy loads of them.

gamerchick · 17/04/2025 10:58

If he'll willing wear football kits, I think I'd just get a few of those.

MysteriousFalafel · 17/04/2025 11:02

I’d probably just buy some “pyjamas” and let him wear them 24/7 if they’re not a problem. I’d keep with nappies rather than pull ups as you can get them on without trousers coming off and I’d let him sleep in his PJs and go out for the day in them as well. Maybe a few weeks of you not asking about getting dressed will break the cycle, or maybe he’s got sensory issues he can’t articulate but either way it doesn’t really matter as long as you can get out of the door in the morning.

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:02

miraxxx · 17/04/2025 10:55

A clever child needs to be outsmarted! But poor mum is already exhausted. Potty training with a reward scheme will make nappies unnecessary, so it is a good suggestion. I would even hide the clothes he needs to wear and make him find them.

Show quote history

We have stickers and a chart, and he’s making good progress without the nappies. I’ll try hiding them as a new tactic soon. Currently we’ve dressed his toy Bing several times with the trousers

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 17/04/2025 11:02

you are his safe place. He might not feel as comfortable in other places, and so does as he is told, even if it makes him unhappy.

doodleschnoodle · 17/04/2025 11:03

The thought of the games is worse than the reality. I actually found taking the extra few minutes to play the game and have fun together much preferable to 30 mins+ of cajoling, getting stressed, flustered as we were late etc. Sometimes you need to dig deep to find your playful side when you my really don’t want to, but it’s the one tool in my parenting arsenal that works more than any other. Don’t want to walk to nursery? Let’s pretend we are birds and flap there! Don’t want to get in the car? Let’s pretend we are getting on a bus and you’re the driver. Kids love play more than anything else. And if mummy or daddy is being silly and playing too, then usual flashpoints of disagreement sometimes totally vanish and are forgotten about because the game is fun.

I was sceptical when I first read the book suggesting it but I’m such a convert as it’s defused so many situations that otherwise would have degenerated into stress, tears, shouting and has saved literal hours of our time. It sounds like an over exaggeration but playful parenting has really changed my relationship with my children. I’m such a proponent of it now.

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:05

way2serious · 17/04/2025 10:25

Does he have any other sensory challenges?

Yes, a lot from a young age that he’s slowly getting over. He still has issues with getting wet, food textures, zips, loud sounds. When he was a baby it was everything (swings, sand, roundabouts, pram, being wet, clothes, loudness, food…)

OP posts:
Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:07

BoredZelda · 17/04/2025 10:57

This is the right advice. Forcing him in to clothes isn’t going to work. He isn’t being defiant, he doesn’t feel comfortable in clothes. I’m 51 and feel the same way. Find outfits he will wear and buy loads of them.

Show quote history

thank you. I find buying clothes hard as he won’t try anything on. Currently have a large pile of H&M clothes that he won’t try on. I’ll try to see if he’ll wear his football shorts out

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 17/04/2025 11:08

I had a similar issue with one child. She would willingly put her swimming costume/tanki on. So I went with this, but put shorts over the top and a baggy hoody. At first she'd refuse the shorts and hoody, so I'd carry it to the car. Drove with the windows down to make her cold, she'd put them on before leaving the car. Could you get him to wear swimming shorts? And bring a hoody/baggy tshirt?

doodleschnoodle · 17/04/2025 11:09

Quite a few supermarkets etc are now doing sensory clothing, so limited seams, no zips or buttons, soft material etc. Have a look for ‘adaptive’ labelled stuff.

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:10

MysteriousFalafel · 17/04/2025 11:02

I’d probably just buy some “pyjamas” and let him wear them 24/7 if they’re not a problem. I’d keep with nappies rather than pull ups as you can get them on without trousers coming off and I’d let him sleep in his PJs and go out for the day in them as well. Maybe a few weeks of you not asking about getting dressed will break the cycle, or maybe he’s got sensory issues he can’t articulate but either way it doesn’t really matter as long as you can get out of the door in the morning.

I think I’ve thought more about the judgment looks from taking him out in PJs and whether he’ll then not wear anything else more. I need to let that go

OP posts:
Ohplesandbanonos · 17/04/2025 11:11

My son was similar. I put comfy joggers and t-shirt on him for bed after a bath and then we left the house in that in the morning. He eventually got better at communicating what he wanted and we could buy the 'right' stuff and the battle went away.

I didn't want to battle or bribe for clothes. If he liked football kits, get him a few and rotate. It sounds like he is playing the game and procrastinating because it works with you since he'll get dressed for other people. Focus on more fun games and positive attention for other things and completely remove the discussion regarding clothes for now.

Smileyclouds · 17/04/2025 11:13

Hello, this is really tough - I sympathise and went through something similar with my daughter at the same age. She ended up wearing the same outfit every day for a long time, but she did get better over time and now as a 5 year old has some sensitivities but much better! For her, I figured out it was driven by anxiety and having something she could control. I read Confident Parents Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris which was recommended on Mumsnet and I continue to dip in and out to this day. Good luck!

miraxxx · 17/04/2025 11:20

doodleschnoodle · 17/04/2025 11:03

The thought of the games is worse than the reality. I actually found taking the extra few minutes to play the game and have fun together much preferable to 30 mins+ of cajoling, getting stressed, flustered as we were late etc. Sometimes you need to dig deep to find your playful side when you my really don’t want to, but it’s the one tool in my parenting arsenal that works more than any other. Don’t want to walk to nursery? Let’s pretend we are birds and flap there! Don’t want to get in the car? Let’s pretend we are getting on a bus and you’re the driver. Kids love play more than anything else. And if mummy or daddy is being silly and playing too, then usual flashpoints of disagreement sometimes totally vanish and are forgotten about because the game is fun.

I was sceptical when I first read the book suggesting it but I’m such a convert as it’s defused so many situations that otherwise would have degenerated into stress, tears, shouting and has saved literal hours of our time. It sounds like an over exaggeration but playful parenting has really changed my relationship with my children. I’m such a proponent of it now.

I agree. Parents can become co-conspirators rather than authority figures in a game. Some kids with adhd traits don't get hierarchy and cannot be trained so easily. Do allow him to be Tarzan with his loincloth for an hour or two a day at home to get some respite from the sensory overload.

IridescentRainbow · 17/04/2025 11:20

How is he when it is time to get ready for bed? If he’s ok then I would do as others have suggested and let him wear his night wear during the day. Also refer to new clothes as new pyjamas. Try to avoid choices as well. Sometimes children can’t cope with a choice until they’re a bit older. I witnessed my daughter in law trying to get her nearly three year old to choose from a children’s menu. She was clearly unable to cope and was playing up. In the end I said in a very excited voice “Oh look! The lady has some of your favourite pasta! Let’s ask her if you can have some!”. That worked!

miraxxx · 17/04/2025 11:23

ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:10

I think I’ve thought more about the judgment looks from taking him out in PJs and whether he’ll then not wear anything else more. I need to let that go

Show quote history

Looks from others are the least of your problems, your son sounds fun and engaging, enjoy him being a bit wild at this stage.

miraxxx · 17/04/2025 11:31

How could so many vote OP as being unreasonable? That's unfair on a struggling mum.

24Dogcuddler · 17/04/2025 11:36

I’d read up on Sensory Processing Disorder. Lots of info on line.
The Out of Synch Child has Fun book may help with unpicking and play based activities.

Good point from a previous poster about him being himself with parents and more compliant with others. If it is sensory difficulties there may be a common factor e.g. buttons or labels.
It can be difficult to pinpoint and could be textures.

Our daughter used to be so difficult to dress and would scream and get distressed. Eventually she indicated a new dress saying “ she will not wear this” and I tried a “ why?” She told me that it had buttons and that they were dangerous.
She was 3 and shortly afterwards was diagnosed with SPD then autism. Lots of other needs not just sensory related.

With sensory needs, children can be hyper or hypo sensitive. It can be that a texture is tolerated one day and not on another (can depend on stress levels or environment) Some textures can feel like wearing barbed wire for example.
Bits of cotton or a logo inside socks can feel painful or “ frozened” as our daughter would have said.

An OT assessment would help to unpick his needs. You will need to find a Sensory Integration specialist though.

I know it is difficult to manage especially with a baby too.
If you can manage to unpick it or find a limited range of items he can tolerate I’d buy the same brand in favoured colours and maybe a size up. I wouldn’t take him shopping for clothes atm as it will be stressful for both of you. There are lots of sensory friendly clothes online. Some have built in fidgets.

beetr00 · 17/04/2025 11:40

ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:10

I think I’ve thought more about the judgment looks from taking him out in PJs and whether he’ll then not wear anything else more. I need to let that go

Show quote history

any parent worth their salt WOULD NOT judge you @ellie1789

Do not worry in the slightest.

Perhaps? you could offer two outfits and he gets to choose one.

THIS is not a hill to die on lovely 🤗

HelenWheels · 17/04/2025 11:51

i think you are looking too deep into this,
assuming sensory issues etc.,
he is just being a defiant toddler

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 11:53

IridescentRainbow · 17/04/2025 11:20

How is he when it is time to get ready for bed? If he’s ok then I would do as others have suggested and let him wear his night wear during the day. Also refer to new clothes as new pyjamas. Try to avoid choices as well. Sometimes children can’t cope with a choice until they’re a bit older. I witnessed my daughter in law trying to get her nearly three year old to choose from a children’s menu. She was clearly unable to cope and was playing up. In the end I said in a very excited voice “Oh look! The lady has some of your favourite pasta! Let’s ask her if you can have some!”. That worked!

He’s generally better with pyjamas but he’s had them for a long time as he’s small for his age (2nd percentile). Sometimes he’ll fight putting them on. He definitely has some anxiety but it is getting better. I think I’m going to have to try that as the clothes on his toy hasn’t worked and he’s taken his top off and I can’t get any other on despite giving a choice

OP posts:
AmusedGoose · 17/04/2025 12:01

Omg you are the adult. He is a young child. Withdraw attention until he is willing to get dressed. It's a game to him and attention seeking
The game can be choosing from say 2 choices but beyond that you are in charge. Dad needs to put his big boy pants on too and stop being a push over. What next? Walking in the road? Playing with lighters? This is spoiling life for everyone especially DS as you can't go out. Simply do not engage. Reward him when he gets dressed.

Original poster
ellie1789 · 17/04/2025 12:09

beetr00 · 17/04/2025 11:40

any parent worth their salt WOULD NOT judge you @ellie1789

Do not worry in the slightest.

Perhaps? you could offer two outfits and he gets to choose one.

THIS is not a hill to die on lovely 🤗

Show quote history

thank you. I’ve tried all morning with that and he says which colour, but then says no and changes the colour that he wants. We go round and round. I’ve currently gone to the shops “without him” whilst Dad tries to get him dressed. Desperate for him to nap now as he’s tired and we have no food in for lunch

OP posts: