Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I told him our daughter was in hospital - no message from him

114 replies

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:09

I just feel so much anger as me & my DC(1) are away and she ended up in hospital yesterday with bronchitis, I told my DP this and he just said “ oh she is in good hands then”, no follow up no asking how she is doing nothing- for two days.

He rarely asks how we are doing, he literally acts like a distant family member since we left.

He is not interested - for those thinking he is busy - he is not as he is probably just gaming all day long.

I just don’t understand how a parent can act like this.

OP posts:
Purplerose248 · 17/04/2025 11:13

arcticpandas · 17/04/2025 11:09

So you need to see a solicitor right now. Why would you stay with an abusive man? Your child shouldn't be around him at all, he sounds mentally unstable but that's not your problem anymore. You will probably have to sell the house to divide it's value but talk about this with a solicitor. Stop talking to him. He showed you who he is: a piece of shit.

I don’t want to stay with an abusive man - but I have no where to go with a little one and he knows this.
I have built my life and my career in the UK but my family lives overseas.

OP posts:
Summertimeblahness · 17/04/2025 11:20

So you are technically already separated?
You are not away on holiday?

Sounds like you have given him space and a chance to see what it would be like if you split and he’s loving life!
Does he have any family?

Hope the little one gets better soon.

AgentJohnson · 17/04/2025 11:21

The funniest thing is he never told me he was addicted to gaming. I found about it only when we moved in together permanently. At one point he didn’t work for 2 years he was just gaming.

Yes, his dickishness has reached new heights but him being a dick, was not news to you.

You threw the dice marrying and having a child with this one, congratulations! I’m curious what made you think he would be less of a teen when he became a father?

The balls in your court bu this is who he is and given his current behaviour, I doubt he will change.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/04/2025 11:30

Your poor baby will be much better off away from this abusive arsehole. Stop thinking of it as a broken home and think of it as a complete family just the two of you. Get some legal advice ASAP. Do you have the option of just not returning to the UK? It’s not likely that he’d chase you, and it may be better that your baby grows up without anything to do with him.

arcticpandas · 17/04/2025 11:32

Purplerose248 · 17/04/2025 11:13

I don’t want to stay with an abusive man - but I have no where to go with a little one and he knows this.
I have built my life and my career in the UK but my family lives overseas.

Edited

Start with contacting a solicitor. This should be your number one as soon as your daughter is feeling better ofcourse. 💗

EuclidianGeometryFan · 17/04/2025 11:35

Purplerose248 · 17/04/2025 11:13

I don’t want to stay with an abusive man - but I have no where to go with a little one and he knows this.
I have built my life and my career in the UK but my family lives overseas.

Edited

So if you can't move out to a rented property in the UK, the other alternative is that you go back to the house you share with him and start divorce proceedings whilst living there.

Many couples have to divorce whilst living in the same house, for the exact same reason as you - they can't afford to move out.

So, get the divorce started. Meanwhile, you live "separated" in the house, like flatmates. In practice this means:

No more shared food or shared meals, have separate cupboards for food in the kitchen, divide up the shelves in the fridge.
No more doing each other's laundry or washing up after each other.
You move into a spare bedroom, or in with your DC on a mattress on the floor, or as a last resort onto the sofa to sleep.
You have a rota for cleaning "communal" areas of the house such as kitchen, bathroom and hallway. You don't clean the room where he sleeps. If at all possible, move all your clothes and stuff out of there and never go in there.

Separate your finances. You can keep joint names on household bills, but close any joint bank accounts, and make arrangements to split the bills. Consider taking your name off any bills you don't want, like TV services.

If you don't have enough money, you can claim benefits as a single parent and claim maintenance from him as the "main" parent whilst still living in the same house. Get advice from the CMS, the benefits office, Citizens Advice, or your solicitor.
Keep daily records, on your phone or in a notebook, of who does what for your DC - school pick-ups and drop-offs, who gets the DC meals, who takes them to clubs and activities, who buys clothes, etc. All of this will be evidence if he tries to claim he has been an equal parent (to get out of paying maintenance).

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 17/04/2025 11:59

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:54

Before I left he told me he needs some time for himself. And he has lots of projects to do that he couldn’t do when we were there(he did nothing).

We have argued a lot in the last months, and he has said many times that if we separate I’m the one leaving as the house we live in is his inheritance.

It does not work like that if you are married. Here's some free legal advice: do not ever take legal advice from the opposite party. See a solicitor.

MrsKeats · 17/04/2025 12:14

He has time for gaming though? What a waste of space he is.

Catlady63 · 17/04/2025 12:14

He's just appalling, pathetic excuese for a father and a man.

Would you consider moving to your home country or do you want to live in the UK? You'd have support there, so might makes things easier for you. It's not like you'll need to live near him to co-parent.

Could you even stay with your parents while you negotiate the divorce, coming back to UK as necessary to progress the divorce, or so your DD can see her father, so he doesn't claim you've abducted her. This would save you the cost of accommodation in the UK if you can't afford to rent somewhere and don't want to move back in with him while negotiating the divorce.

You need to get the best settlement possible for you and your child, and the family home is an asset to be shared.

Soonenough · 17/04/2025 17:16

Guess if he has a house that he inherited, he doesn't really have to work much to pay the bills, hence time for Gaming ( grow up boy man 😉). But it is half your house too if you are married . And he will have to contribute for his child . Are you sure you are not better off staying with your family but still divorce ?

healthybychristmas · 17/04/2025 22:33

cadburyegg · 16/04/2025 21:47

I rarely say this but LTB

I say it all the time!

Pinknailpen · 18/04/2025 20:25

Catlady63 · 17/04/2025 12:14

He's just appalling, pathetic excuese for a father and a man.

Would you consider moving to your home country or do you want to live in the UK? You'd have support there, so might makes things easier for you. It's not like you'll need to live near him to co-parent.

Could you even stay with your parents while you negotiate the divorce, coming back to UK as necessary to progress the divorce, or so your DD can see her father, so he doesn't claim you've abducted her. This would save you the cost of accommodation in the UK if you can't afford to rent somewhere and don't want to move back in with him while negotiating the divorce.

You need to get the best settlement possible for you and your child, and the family home is an asset to be shared.

Yes this/ is this an option op?

Pinknailpen · 18/04/2025 20:25

How’s baby today?

DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 20:29

Purplerose248 · 17/04/2025 11:13

I don’t want to stay with an abusive man - but I have no where to go with a little one and he knows this.
I have built my life and my career in the UK but my family lives overseas.

Edited

Speak to a solicitor tomorrow. Get proper legal advice. Dont go back to an abusive man who could one day kill you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread