I told him our daughter was in hospital - no message from him

[Purplerose248]

I just feel so much anger as me & my DC(1) are away and she ended up in hospital yesterday with bronchitis, I told my DP this and he just said “ oh she is in good hands then”, no follow up no asking how she is doing nothing- for two days.

He rarely asks how we are doing, he literally acts like a distant family member since we left.

He is not interested - for those thinking he is busy - he is not as he is probably just gaming all day long.

I just don’t understand how a parent can act like this.

I would have expected more of a response from a partner who was not the childs father than what you got from him. How can he not have moved heaven and earth to be by the side of his child. He really does not care about her or you at all.

Where are you ‘away’ - can you stay there?

A) He's disgusting - hope your little girl is on the road to recovery, and she's lucky to have you!
B) You need to divorce him
C) Why are you swerving all the questions asking why you've been 'away' for a month?

This is very depressing you need to get Sam way from him asap. He is draining the life from you and doesn't give a shit about his daughter.

I knew that for a while - but this now has just proved it all. And I feel sorry and sad for my baby.
I will be fine - I can live without him but my poor baby.
I worked so hard so my baby doesn’t have a broken home - but it runs in my partners family, everyone is divorced there, his mum left him when he was young - she never bothered to ask how he is doing. I guess this is engraved in him.

If I only tell you how he was presenting to me at the beginning of our relationship and until we got married.
He was saying he will “move” mountains to be with his children, he will be a dedicated father, and all this absolute bullocks.

See a solicitor the minute you get back. Take this worthless man to the cleaners. How can he not care about his wee sick daughter?

I’m away mostly to give him space as I think he had enough of me and my little one. He told me he needs space, however I thought being away will make him release he misses us - but not probably he realised it’s just over.

I didn’t know gaming was such a thing for grown men until I came on Mumsnet. It’s like an instant ick for me. I find it so immature. I can’t believe busy, working Dad’s sit and game for hours. Scrolling on the phone is a bit different as in fairness they could be working, on news sites, banking and doing life admin. But a grown man chasing round race tracks or hunting down the baddies is such a fucking turn-off.

To me it’s no different to a Mum in her thirties saying ‘I can’t make Tuesdays because I play with my Barbie dolls then’.

He sounds an utter waster.

Stay in the house, start divorce proceedings. You’re entitled to 50% unless the house he inherited was legally tied up?

But where have you been away for a month? Did you pack for a month? What about clothes, toys, meals, work? Are you with family, can you stay there? Do you have the finances to get your own place?

Please give him SO MUCH SPACE - leave him.

And I'm so sorry to say this, but I think you should prepare yourself for solo parenting, because he doesn't seem particularly bothered about being a parent 😔

I know but he didn’t tell me many things about himself - I only found out once we got married and moved in together.
On a random working day he will go in his room and do gaming. I found it so weird but I was in love.
This followed by death of his loved one he turned into a monster - he will yell in front of my family , he will call me names like “idiot”, “cunt”, “fuck off”, “waste of space”. But in front of his family he calls me “darling”. I’m so confused.

Since we had our DC the emotional abuse just got worse.

You keep saying "partner" but you said you are married, is that correct? Also who are you staying with, is it your family?

Absolutely. Terrible even for an ex living a distance away. But from a partner. Wtf. Get rid. He is a waste of space.

Your marrige is over. If you go back then you do so knowing him and knowing this is what you're signing you and your daughter up to.

Your daughter is in the best hands. She is OK.

Unfortunately every minute Is going to feel like hours for you.

So be productive.

What support net work do you have? Parents, siblings, really good friends?

Can any of them pack for you?

Engage a solicitor now? Start divorce. There's no time wasting.

It doesn’t matter that he inherited the house.

If he had rented it out, you never lived in it, and he put the rental income into an account solely in his name then it’s possible that it wouldn’t be included in a divorce settlement. He didn’t do that though. It’s the family home, therefore a marital asset.

No dad is so much better for both of you than this selfish and cruel waste of space.

Please see a solicitor.

Was he already gaming and being nasty before you got pregnant?

I’m staying with my family and we are married yes.

While I think it is absolutley awful that he isn't in contact with his daughter, you are clearly seperated already. No one just leaves home for a month unless there are very specific and necessary reasons for it.

Are you nearby enough for him to visit or are you in another country visiting family? This makes a big difference. If you have, for example, jetted off to somewhere overseas that he may never be able to physically see his child again this could well cause unusual reactions.

From what you've said about him I'm surprised that you'd want your child to be anywhere near him. Why would you even consider continuing the relationship?

Honestly, reading this - you need to leave permanently. He is abusive and you don't want your child growing up in this atmosphere. Get some legal advice. You are married so the property is considered a marital asset. You should be entitled to something. You need to speak to a solicitor. Please don't stay with this awful man.

He's a terrible husband and father and you and your children will be damaged even further if you don't take action to leave him.

And I think you need to ask yourself why, when he was already emotionally abusive, you chose to have children with this man.

Third day today - he seen the messages no reply.

All this. I am dumbfounded.

So you need to see a solicitor right now. Why would you stay with an abusive man? Your child shouldn't be around him at all, he sounds mentally unstable but that's not your problem anymore. You will probably have to sell the house to divide it's value but talk about this with a solicitor. Stop talking to him. He showed you who he is: a piece of shit.