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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help partners friends?

81 replies

backstreetboys4eva · 16/04/2025 17:16

So my partner’s friend’s girlfriend is due to give birth next month and they have asked partner if he would watch their DS during the birth and for a few days after.

It wouldn’t be partner watching watching the child it would be me as OH works full time whilst I look after our kids and work part time.

Usually I would have no qualms about helping but I don’t like this particular friend at all.

When we moved in we paid him well to help us move, we always clear that he would be compensated for his time.

There were jobs that needed completing around the house and as the friend is a builder he offered to help.

My partner was adamant that instead of putting the money in someone else’s pocket to help this friend out instead.

I ended up paying a professional company to do the jobs in the end, OH was furious.

I told OH that his friend had no intention of doing the jobs as it had been going on for 8 months now and I don’t know why he just didn’t say he didn’t want to do them etc. I don’t even know why he offered if he didn’t want to do it.

All this has caused me and the kids massive issues like incomplete laminate flooring which has caused little spiders and things to come up, OH seemed fine to let our kids live like this.

I told OH I feel as if his friend mugged us off so why should I help him?

I don’t even know his DS and have never met the child, and OH is expecting me to buy them a gift for the baby to show that I’m friendly and no hard feelings, I told OH “no chance”.

Is it me AIBU genuinely to feel like this and putt foot down?

OP posts:
Zanzara · 16/04/2025 17:27

For the birth, just about ok maybe if they have no one else, given your history.

For a few days after? He can F off, and then F off some more.

Edited to add, is your DH always a soft touch where this clown is concerned? I'd be clamping down on that fast.

tryingtobesogood · 16/04/2025 17:29

Nice and loud for the people at the back:

                    NO

thank you very much

Enrichetta · 16/04/2025 17:32

I think you have WAY bigger issues than looking after OH's friend's child...

CopperWhite · 16/04/2025 17:33

Fuck that.

wizzywig · 16/04/2025 17:37

Men and their bloody friends. Always putting them ahead of everyone

BlueMum16 · 16/04/2025 17:41

I potentially would for the actual birth. I'm assuming they have no family near by and no other options.

There was a thread the other day of a woman needing to ask her Ex as no one else.

But when he comes home from the hospital he picks up the DC.

Hatty65 · 16/04/2025 17:50

"How are you planning to babysit your friend's child, OH? Are you taking annual leave to do so?"

My answer would be No. No, I am not minding an unknown child for several days. No, I am not happy with him taking annual leave to look after someone else's child - rather than using his annual leave to spend time with his own offspring.

Potnoodly · 16/04/2025 17:52

They need to take responsibility of parenting 2 children when their child is born. Pathetic 🙄

ThriveIn2025 · 16/04/2025 17:52

It would also be a hard no from me

thing47 · 16/04/2025 17:53

Not a fan of being volunteered for favours. If they want a favour which is essentially going to be from me, then they can bloody well ask me directly.

if we don’t have a close enough relationship for them to do that, then we don’t have a close enough relationship to be expected to look after their children.

with the proviso that if my partner was going to take annual leave to look after friend’s DCs then that is of course his prerogative.

Original poster
backstreetboys4eva · 16/04/2025 17:53

I work home OH thinks it won’t be an issue considering Iook after our DC.

Youngest is 18 months and teething/ going through tantrums, not sleeping etc so I don’t think it’s fair for OH and his friend to expect me to babysit a 3 year old on top of our 3 DC.

Its OH’s friend not mine after all.

OP posts:
BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 17:53

I would look after them the day of the birth and possibly that night but for no longer.

I babysat while someone was giving birth and I ended up having them for best part of a week even though baby was born healthy on the first day. Dad just didn’t want to look after his own child!

AmandaHoldensLips · 16/04/2025 17:55

Hard no on all of it.

noworklifebalance · 16/04/2025 17:55

backstreetboys4eva · 16/04/2025 17:53

I work home OH thinks it won’t be an issue considering Iook after our DC.

Youngest is 18 months and teething/ going through tantrums, not sleeping etc so I don’t think it’s fair for OH and his friend to expect me to babysit a 3 year old on top of our 3 DC.

Its OH’s friend not mine after all.

Your OH is treating you like a doormat.
Just say no.

PullTheBricksDown · 16/04/2025 17:56

Ah, what a shame that work have asked you to come in those days even if you don't normally, and or you've booked big days out with your own kids that you can't change or add people to now. What are the chances!

Not that you should have to lie, but people like this typically make you out to be the bad guy so I'd take this approach

TheAmusedQuail · 16/04/2025 17:56

Tell your partner that if HE wants to look after the child he can. That he'll need to book time off work to make sure he can do it, because you're not getting involved. At all. No cooking. No putting to bed. No dressing. No taking him out, wiping his bum, bathing him, bedtime stories. Nothing.

IF he wants to do it, let him crack on.

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 17:56

Just realised you don’t even know the child. Absolute no from me.

Surely they have someone else who is close to the child. Failing that he will have to look after his own child.

Nameychangington · 16/04/2025 17:59

Aside from the absolute piss take of you, what is a 3 year old going to feel being sent to stay with someone he's never met for a few days These people aren't fit to be parents

ICantBeDoingWithThat · 16/04/2025 18:02

Just. Sorry. No.
That doesn't work for me.

Watermill · 16/04/2025 18:04

Tell him if he volunteers to do this, he needs to take time off. He doesn’t get to volunteer you. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Tell him you will pack a bag and piss off to your mum/mate/sisters if he tries to manipulate you. It will not be happening.

willtrent · 16/04/2025 18:11

No chance! I came home with my newborn DS a day after having a c-section as my 12-month old needed his Mum home too. Why on earth can’t they look after their own older child when they have a newborn? What do they think the rest of the world do?

It would be a straight out no from me. Surely they have actual friends or family that they could ask to have their DC during the birth.

i wouldn’t touch this with a barge pole op. This will just be the first in a long line of CF’ery. You may as well stop it now before it really becomes a problem. Also, their problem is not yours to fix, you look after your family and they can look after theirs.

And if your DP insists, then tell him to book the time off work and he can watch your DC as well while you go away for a few days 😉

TomatoSandwiches · 16/04/2025 18:22

Absolutely not, poor kid needs to go to someone that knows him.

You have an OH problem, he has no respect for you at all.

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 18:22

Tell them NO! Or you tell your DH that he takes annual leave and keep them. Don't be a mug, if DH wants to offer his services then it needs to be HIM doing them.

Redfloralduvet · 16/04/2025 18:25

I wouldn't do it. There's no friendship between you and them. You don't like the man and feel he's let you down. Fair enough given what he did. You definitely don't owe him a favour.

I know it's awkward but your partner needs to accept you don't like his friend. Obviously be civil to them if you meet, but no to doing any favours.

You two don't even have a favour-type relationship with this couple. You paid him to help you move, something true friends would have done for free. He's not even offering to pay you anything at all, never mind a fair rate, for being his childminder 24/7 for 3-4 days.

Your partner also needs to accept that you are a human being and not his 5th limb. His friend asked him for a favour. The only answers are - yes ok as long as I can arrange annual leave, or, no sorry I can't I'm working those days. Not - sure I'll press-gang my partner into it because what she wants doesn't matter.

What kind of dickhead parents want to dump their eldest child on a stranger just at the moment his sibling is coming into the world anyway? Way to make a child feel unwanted. This is in no way what's best for the child.

This is about him being a shitty parent and not wanting to parent the child himself. He's using you to give his girlfriend a break from solo 24/7 parenting of the eldest for a few days post partum, so he can look less shit in her eyes for doing her this massive favour that isn't really, but probably feels like it is because I'll bet he does zero parenting at any other time.

pinkyredrose · 16/04/2025 18:26

If your partner is so keen to help he can take a day off work and look after their kid at their house, the mate can pay him any lost wages.

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