To not want to help partners friends?

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So my partner’s friend’s girlfriend is due to give birth next month and they have asked partner if he would watch their DS during the birth and for a few days after.

It wouldn’t be partner watching watching the child it would be me as OH works full time whilst I look after our kids and work part time.

Usually I would have no qualms about helping but I don’t like this particular friend at all.

When we moved in we paid him well to help us move, we always clear that he would be compensated for his time.

There were jobs that needed completing around the house and as the friend is a builder he offered to help.

My partner was adamant that instead of putting the money in someone else’s pocket to help this friend out instead.

I ended up paying a professional company to do the jobs in the end, OH was furious.

I told OH that his friend had no intention of doing the jobs as it had been going on for 8 months now and I don’t know why he just didn’t say he didn’t want to do them etc. I don’t even know why he offered if he didn’t want to do it.

All this has caused me and the kids massive issues like incomplete laminate flooring which has caused little spiders and things to come up, OH seemed fine to let our kids live like this.

I told OH I feel as if his friend mugged us off so why should I help him?

I don’t even know his DS and have never met the child, and OH is expecting me to buy them a gift for the baby to show that I’m friendly and no hard feelings, I told OH “no chance”.

Is it me AIBU genuinely to feel like this and putt foot down?

He will just bring the kids round and dump him with you won't he.

This is an easy one....just say no. Don't do it.

Why for a few days after the birth aswell?Tell em no and tell your husband if he wants to do it he can go stay at their house and look after the child

OH should put his money where his mouth is and either take time off work himself or if he’s unable to then to go over to friends house after work and take over evening caring duties. He may well see this ‘simple favour’ in a different light then 🙄

NO. If it will be you doing it and not OH, say no now. Not even just for the birth.

id bet you £50 that if you say you’ll do it just for the birth they’ll fail to pick the child up or guilt you into keeping them a few days.

Say no now.

If he wants to do it then he needs to take A/L and actually do it. He doesn't get to decide what you can and can't do.

I wouldn't look after a child I don't know. Even with my nibbling we did 2 hours and built up to the whole day. Next we will do over night but she's nearly 3.

why can this guy not look after his own child during this time?
or find someone who the child already knows to help out if necessary during the birth itself?
has the child ever met your DP?

Why can't the baby daddy look after his own child. He's not the one giving birth.
Why doesn't your partner take time off work to look after the friends kid?
It would be a big fat no from me.

So basically because I work from home and look after the kids DP doesn’t think it would be an issue.
DP does not want to book time of work either.

Both sets of parents live an hour away where we live 10 minutes away.

Both DP and the friend think it was a favour helping us move despite us paying him, I don’t think it was at all either as PP have rightfully pointed out.

We were left in limbo for months waiting for him to complete the jobs and we offered to pay him, he didn’t even have the courtesy or manners to just say “look I don’t/can’t do it”.

I just told DP again I am absolutely not babysitting a child I have never met before.

The friend goes to work and then out drinking until 10pm most days apparently so I don’t think he has a clue how to look after kids from what DP has told me and he is out every weekend trying to get DP to go out.

When I have had my kids I have arranged childcare months in advance so my family have sufficient notice as I think it’s only fair and courteous , I wouldn’t dream of leaving it a few weeks before the birth.

No way. I was going to say, maybe for the birth if they don't have anyone to ask, but if they have family an hour away, that's close enough.

Even without the backstory, what are they thinking asking when you don't know the child. That's not what responsible parents do. The poor kid.

Who sends their child away for a few days when they have a new baby?
Do you think your DH will tell him you will mind the child? If so, as is often said on MN, you have a DH problem.

Both sets of parents live an hour away where we live 10 minutes away.

Sounds like the friend doesn’t even want to drive the kids to his parents.

Your DP is being so entitled here. How can you even look at him?

This! You don't know this child! How and why would you babysit for a child if they have never met you? Your DH seems to view you as a service provider...

Friend and partner are sexist dicks. That poor kid is likely to be stressed out of their little head going to stay with a stranger. This is more than a massive inconvenience. I think you should message the friend yourself and state very clearly that moving was not a favour he helped with, as he was financially compensated. DH will not be looking after this kid as he will be at work. If you take this on you expect to be paid £££ (make it exhorbitant) as you expect overnight pay, food, etc. Explain that you already have a needy toddler (your partner) as well as a little kid going through teething and you don’t have the capacity to manage a stressed out little kid crying because they have been abandoned with a stranger.

Absolutely not. Not fair on you or the child. If they had nobody else I could understand them asking just for the birth ( nor for ‘a few days afterwards’) but they have two sets of grandparents an hour away?! Why can’t any of them have the child? Or even better, come over and look after the poor child in his own home?
This friend sounds like an awful dad. I feel sorry for the child and the new baby.

this would be my answer.

if your partner wants to help tell him to take the time off work because your not helping.

So how has it been left? Is DP going to tell his friend no? Or is he still trying to bully you into it?

No matter what you think is happening, I'd be following up with the friend and their partner to stipulate and make it absolutely clear "I'm not taking care of your child when your baby comes, I don't know what my husband and you have arranged, but I'm telling you now, I"M NOT DOING IT"

your DH sounds like an arse who doesn't give a fk if you say no, so I'd expect the kid to turn up and you be lumped with it.

An hour is nothing. Their family will have to travel

Even if someone wasn’t paid for helping with a house move - it’s worlds apart form looking after a toddler and all their needs for several nights- especially as this friend sounds unreliable and who knows how long he’d drag out this ‘favour’….

Absolutely no way. Tell yiur husband to book the time off if he wants to do it.

DP has agreed to tell him that he won’t be able to do it as he is unable to book time off work at such short notice.
The friend then wanted to know if I would be available seeing as I work from home anyway.

DP has made it clear to his friend that I won’t be able to do it under any circumstances.

I went through it all again with DP this morning and he said he understood what I was saying and didn’t even look at it that way, but he agrees with me.

DP is very soft and people do take his kindness as a weakness.

This same friend wants another favour in the summer, he wants to have his kids birthday party in our garden as he lives in a first floor flat and we live in house.
I told DP he is going to have to start being more blunt and upfront with people as he told me he doesn’t know how to say no to this without sounding rude.

Let them pay for a softplay party like the rest of us!

OR do it in the local park. Once of the nicest parties we ever went to was in a park. Helpfully landscaped by the local council. With a playground too!

Plenty of people have party’s in flats

Ooooh ,..... Kids birthday party in your garden , what a cf. Guess who'll end up putting out tables, food etc and cleaning up after. Not him, that's for sure. Wow the absolute unbelievable cheek.