Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help partners friends?

81 replies

backstreetboys4eva · 16/04/2025 17:16

So my partner’s friend’s girlfriend is due to give birth next month and they have asked partner if he would watch their DS during the birth and for a few days after.

It wouldn’t be partner watching watching the child it would be me as OH works full time whilst I look after our kids and work part time.

Usually I would have no qualms about helping but I don’t like this particular friend at all.

When we moved in we paid him well to help us move, we always clear that he would be compensated for his time.

There were jobs that needed completing around the house and as the friend is a builder he offered to help.

My partner was adamant that instead of putting the money in someone else’s pocket to help this friend out instead.

I ended up paying a professional company to do the jobs in the end, OH was furious.

I told OH that his friend had no intention of doing the jobs as it had been going on for 8 months now and I don’t know why he just didn’t say he didn’t want to do them etc. I don’t even know why he offered if he didn’t want to do it.

All this has caused me and the kids massive issues like incomplete laminate flooring which has caused little spiders and things to come up, OH seemed fine to let our kids live like this.

I told OH I feel as if his friend mugged us off so why should I help him?

I don’t even know his DS and have never met the child, and OH is expecting me to buy them a gift for the baby to show that I’m friendly and no hard feelings, I told OH “no chance”.

Is it me AIBU genuinely to feel like this and putt foot down?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/04/2025 12:11

backstreetboys4eva · 17/04/2025 11:02

DP has agreed to tell him that he won’t be able to do it as he is unable to book time off work at such short notice.
The friend then wanted to know if I would be available seeing as I work from home anyway.

DP has made it clear to his friend that I won’t be able to do it under any circumstances.

I went through it all again with DP this morning and he said he understood what I was saying and didn’t even look at it that way, but he agrees with me.

DP is very soft and people do take his kindness as a weakness.

This same friend wants another favour in the summer, he wants to have his kids birthday party in our garden as he lives in a first floor flat and we live in house.
I told DP he is going to have to start being more blunt and upfront with people as he told me he doesn’t know how to say no to this without sounding rude.

The Friend is a classic CF... they specialise in taking any reasonable excuses apart and finding another solution which works for them. Having demolished all your arguments, you are left with no reason to say no.
Mate - Dh can you look after my son for four days.
DH - No ( Reason) I can't get time off work.
Mate - (demolishes the first no with Solution that works for him) Oh but your wife works from home, so she can easily look after four young children including 18 month old baby for nearly a week as I don't want to look after DS that week or ask either set of relatives.
DH. She will not be able to do that under any circumstances.
Mate Oh well in that case you can host my son's birthday party at your house as you have a garden. Or I might start to think you are not a good friend.

Perfect answer... no room for CF to make solutions...
He just has to do the same for the party.

There are load and loads of party options. We have a garden but rarely used it for kids party because it was hard to entertain a load of them for long enough. Which is what you would be doing I guarantee. Setting up the house for the party. Helping marshall them. Dealing with their parents. Making sure they don't hurt themselves in your garden, entertaining them and clearing up after them. All the while looking after your own kids.
Its notable with CFs, that once you agree to something once... they seen no reason why you can't keep on doing it.

If the guy is such a CF - ask your DH if it really matters if he is less friendly with him.
Hopefully, as it is quite difficult to deter CF requests, having to do that will make him reluctant to get too involved with him. He also has the perfect back up.. .My wife won't allow it. There's nothing I can do. (ha ha)

Hastentoadd · 17/04/2025 12:42

Zanzara · 16/04/2025 17:27

For the birth, just about ok maybe if they have no one else, given your history.

For a few days after? He can F off, and then F off some more.

Edited to add, is your DH always a soft touch where this clown is concerned? I'd be clamping down on that fast.

Edited

Agree, I would do it on the day of the birth but not the days after, make up a good excuse….
Why can’t they manage like all other families in the days after the birth of the child, I understand the mother will possibly be exhausted but the father should be able to look after their older DC

Also if you are the one going to be primarily looking after their DC during this time, they should have asked you!

Fraaances · 17/04/2025 14:00

I think that this friend is a fucking leech and needs benching. Permanently.

Dropcard · 17/04/2025 14:00

I'd help pretty much anyone if they were stuck during the birth, but after that, no.

Katflapkit · 27/09/2025 15:04

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 17:53

I would look after them the day of the birth and possibly that night but for no longer.

I babysat while someone was giving birth and I ended up having them for best part of a week even though baby was born healthy on the first day. Dad just didn’t want to look after his own child!

Did you miss the part where the friend was PAID to do jobs and left the young family with incomplete jobs so she had to get a professional on to do the jobs. Didn't sound like her offered a refund either.

Absolutely NO. Also, with you working from home. I can guarantee that if you do this one favour, they will be asking for childcare in the near future. As for the new babu gift. Your DH can order something online. Bloody cheek 'to show there's no hard feelings'. The gift should be coming YOUR way.

Swiftie1878 · 27/09/2025 15:22

backstreetboys4eva · 17/04/2025 11:02

DP has agreed to tell him that he won’t be able to do it as he is unable to book time off work at such short notice.
The friend then wanted to know if I would be available seeing as I work from home anyway.

DP has made it clear to his friend that I won’t be able to do it under any circumstances.

I went through it all again with DP this morning and he said he understood what I was saying and didn’t even look at it that way, but he agrees with me.

DP is very soft and people do take his kindness as a weakness.

This same friend wants another favour in the summer, he wants to have his kids birthday party in our garden as he lives in a first floor flat and we live in house.
I told DP he is going to have to start being more blunt and upfront with people as he told me he doesn’t know how to say no to this without sounding rude.

You could always charge him for these ‘favours’ in the same way he charged you for helping you move. Payable up front, naturally.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page